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  #31  
Old 08-12-2013, 10:44 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Location: Alaska
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It was hard the first few times. But those weren't poly specific-in fact, they weren't poly anything. He works out of town periodically and it sucks. 6 weeks away-just sucks. Doesn't matter if he's with someone for work or for play or alone. IT SUCKS.

That said-when he first was gone with another woman-that sucked-equally so. But it was obvious to me that the primary suck was HE WAS GONE. Not who he was with-cause the feelings were the generally the same.

So-what do I do. well-I do lots of things-and we do some too.
WE keep in touch throughout the day via text. Mail letters in advance-to arrive while we are gone (or post cards), leave little "hey I love you" notes in places like the underwear or sock drawer or kitchen cabinet or coffee maker-that will be found while we are gone. We stick to always having a good morning text and a goodnight conversation (sometimes text, sometimes phone and sometimes instant message).

This is true regardless of why we are gone *and it's true with my boyfriend and I as well, not just DH*

Then, for me, I live my life.
I log in here and converse.
I converse on fb with friends.
I make plans to go out(this summer that included a number of road trips throughout Alaska).
I go kayaking.
I go hiking.
I go camping.
I go shopping.
I read books and watch movies.
I have company over.
I go to friends places for dinner.
I crochet.
I go to the gym and I compete with my 13 year old for time/distance running and weight lifting.
I play with the kids.
I work on the garden or shovel the driveway (depends on time of year).
I work on homework.

The most important thing is-that I do these things anyway, but if I know I'm going to have a time when I don't have my partner(s) along for a period of time, I plan more of the same things and even if I feel morose or whatever-I make myself go do them. Because I always feel better if I do.

I absolutely don't allow myself to sit and mope at home.
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  #32  
Old 08-13-2013, 02:56 PM
Gabriella Gabriella is offline
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Posts: 13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
It was hard the first few times. But those weren't poly specific-in fact, they weren't poly anything. He works out of town periodically and it sucks. 6 weeks away-just sucks. Doesn't matter if he's with someone for work or for play or alone. IT SUCKS.

That said-when he first was gone with another woman-that sucked-equally so. But it was obvious to me that the primary suck was HE WAS GONE. Not who he was with-cause the feelings were the generally the same.

So-what do I do. well-I do lots of things-and we do some too.
WE keep in touch throughout the day via text. Mail letters in advance-to arrive while we are gone (or post cards), leave little "hey I love you" notes in places like the underwear or sock drawer or kitchen cabinet or coffee maker-that will be found while we are gone. We stick to always having a good morning text and a goodnight conversation (sometimes text, sometimes phone and sometimes instant message).

This is true regardless of why we are gone *and it's true with my boyfriend and I as well, not just DH*

Then, for me, I live my life.
I log in here and converse.
I converse on fb with friends.
I make plans to go out(this summer that included a number of road trips throughout Alaska).
I go kayaking.
I go hiking.
I go camping.
I go shopping.
I read books and watch movies.
I have company over.
I go to friends places for dinner.
I crochet.
I go to the gym and I compete with my 13 year old for time/distance running and weight lifting.
I play with the kids.
I work on the garden or shovel the driveway (depends on time of year).
I work on homework.

The most important thing is-that I do these things anyway, but if I know I'm going to have a time when I don't have my partner(s) along for a period of time, I plan more of the same things and even if I feel morose or whatever-I make myself go do them. Because I always feel better if I do.

I absolutely don't allow myself to sit and mope at home.
I love your little ways of staying connected. I'm going to show this post to hubby as a suggestion. I made a point on Sunday to get my ass out of the house and it was a better day. I took myself out for breakfast, read (and finished) a book in the park, and went shopping.

We talked a lot last night, and I mentioned that having a bit more contact would be nice. I like the AM/PM connection. It doesn't have to be a conversation, just a quick little good morning/night text.
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  #33  
Old 08-13-2013, 02:59 PM
Gabriella Gabriella is offline
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I want to thank everyone for their input and kindness the last few days. You've all given me a lot to think about and digest. You've also made me feel very welcome; this is a great community
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  #34  
Old 08-13-2013, 08:43 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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The good morning/good night thing altered our whole dynamic positively. There are those who feel it is overkill. But we are all happier (even the kids want a goodnight call if mom/dad/gg is gone) if we stick to that routine.
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