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  #401  
Old 08-02-2013, 10:35 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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I'm sorry, Mya. Hope the worst of the hurt doesn't last too long.
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  #402  
Old 08-05-2013, 11:07 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Thank you so much for your kind words RainyGrlJenny, fuchka, Annabel, Cleo and wildflowers.

I feel so lonely tonight. It's not the fact that I now have more time available for other things when I'm not spending it with Evan, it's just that at the moment I really feel like being with people and not alone. The weekend after the break-up was quite interesting in that aspect. I only had plans for Sunday when I was seeing rory. On Friday I went for a drink after work with a couple of co-workers and ended up having a spontanious night out with one of them. We shared our life stories, went from one bar to another and danced, it was brilliant. Then on Saturday a poly person I had only spent time with in group situations stepped up, knowing that I was having a hard time, and asked if I'd like to hang out with him. I did and it was really good. We did all sorts of fun things, like played video games, and then he made us dinner. It was all really nice, I felt cared for. I truly appreciated him being there for me when I needed a friend. Then on Sunday me and rory had some great and revealing conversations, took a bath together and had sex. I really needed that as well. The whole weekend was awesome in its variety of activities and people and feelings.

So tonight I'm alone. I really don't feel like being alone. I went shopping after work with the aforementioned night-out-co-worker, but after that I came home and just felt sad and lonely. I wish I lived with someone who cares how my day was. Not necessarily a partner, but someone I know well enough and who cares about me even a little. During the year when I've lived in this apartment I've had 6 different roommates and I'm about to have a 7th quite soon. I don't have time to get to know them at all. So now me and a poly friend of mine are looking for a place together, we just need to find a third poly/queer person to share with. I really want to make that happen.
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  #403  
Old 08-06-2013, 12:00 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Sorry you're feeling lonely tonight. I can understand that, just wanting to be with someone to distract you and make you feel connected. I hope you can find some sort of activity that can engage you and help you feel good on your own.
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  #404  
Old 08-06-2013, 04:09 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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I'm sorry you're feeling alone. I can sympathize, I've felt lonely quite a bit since C and I broke up. I think it's a natural part of a break up, to feel that void that isn't going to be filled, really, by spending time with someone else. Even if you feel the break up was for the best, there is still some mourning and grieving to do. I think a mix of spending time with other friends, and spending time solo and sitting with the feeling of loss and loneliness, is the best answer.

Take care!
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  #405  
Old 08-06-2013, 04:21 PM
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FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am terribly sorry that you are hurting, and I hope you continue to take care of yourself. I have never felt lonely or even grieved/mourned the loss of a relationship, so I have no helpful tips for those things. The only thing I can suggest is getting out and meeting some new friends and spending time with loved ones. You need a distraction to not dwell on the break-up. In due time, you will start to believe that it was for the best. Right now, it hurts, but as with anything it will get better. Take care of yourself and spend some time alone, too. Do some things you like to do or have been meaning to do but never had the chance to. Sending hugs your way.

Ry
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  #406  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:27 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Thank you wildflowers, Cleo and Ry.

I'm starting to feel better already. I was in a weekend-long event and many of my poly friends were there too. Including Evan. So this was the first time I saw him after the break-up. It was alright. We didn't talk about anything very deep, just chatted about the event and light stuff like that. On the last day he said he's happy we can still hang out and talk. I'm happy about it too. We do have a lot of mutual friends, so I will see him often anyway, so it's really good to be in good terms. I'm not angry at him, he didn't do anything wrong. At some point it did hurt a little just to look at him and realise I can't touch him the way I used to, that it's not okay anymore to hold hands or kiss. But I'm sure that'll fade with time.

It has been weird in some ways to talk to Hank about the break-up. Not so much to rory, because she was there for me when I broke up with JJ, so she already knows what it's like. But this is the first time for Hank to be in this situation. I mean, he's dealing with it quite well, I don't have any complaints. It's just that sometimes I feel weird talking about it. At one point he said jokingly (and I do want to emphasize that it was clear from his tone of voice that he was joking) that now I just need to settle for the two partners that I've got. That felt quite bad even though I know he didn't mean it that way, he was just trying to lighten the mood. But I guess that's exactly the thing why I find it a bit difficult to talk about the hurt I'm feeling, to anybody really. I still have two partners who love me, what the hell am I complaining about? Nobody has said anything like that to me, but sometimes it feels like it's there between the lines.

There's also something I wanted to mention here, but it happened just before the break-up, so I didn't have the need to write about it then since there were more important issues at hand. So when I was visiting Home Country, I sort of reconnected with Bob. We haven't had sex in a long time, but this time he opened up a conversation about how things are different now and he could see us going back to the way things were before I left. We had a very good conversation about the past, what went wrong and he even apologized something he'd said back then. I left feeling like we understand each other better, it was great. And then we had sex as well. It was a strange experience, because I'm totally over the feelings I once had for him and now I only have friendly feelings towards him. Until that day I had never had sex with anyone (well, if we're talking about one-on-one sex) who I didn't have some kind of romantic feelings for. Now I have. It felt like sleeping with a totally different person, apparently that's how big of a difference it makes for me. Very interesting to have that experience now. So now the deal is that we're friends first, but if we happen to feel like it when we see each other (which is obviously rarely, since he's in Home Country and I'm here), the possibility for sex exists. At least as long as he's single. He said you never know, but he doesn't think it's likely that he'll end up in another open relationship again. So we'll see. It's an interesting turn of events in my mind, I feel like we started something completely new instead of returning to the way things were before.
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  #407  
Old 09-03-2013, 12:07 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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JJ is coming to see me here next week! We've been keeping in touch regularly and he's been saying that he'll visit me one day. And now the time has come. I'm really happy about that and the fact that we managed to stay friends after breaking up.

I think it's time for a people update. Rory hasn't been feeling like writing here in a while, so I'll just mention that she and Ivy dated a short while but are not involved anymore. Then I have some new people to introduce. Hank met someone new a while ago, let's call her Janet. They've been on one date so far and another one is planned. They live in different places, so Hank lives in one, I live in another and Janet lives in a third one. We'll see what happens there.

I've had a crush on someone for a while now but I didn't want to write about it here before I told him, just in case. He is Hank's ex, so that made it a bit difficult in my head. They're still good friends though and that made it even more difficult for me. Hank has no problem with it, he'd actually prefer if I only dated people he knows are good people, but I just felt a bit weird about it. Anyway, me and this person, let's call him Kevin, were partying with a group of friends. Hank was there too. At some point I gathered enough courage (okay, maybe the alcohol helped a little too ) and told him that I've had a crush on him for a while now. He hugged me, said "Aaw, I think you're great too" and then we made out a little. I felt like I needed to get that off my chest, but I have no agenda. I'm really happy with two partners and am not really looking for a third one. I mean, if things happen, they happen, but I'm not trying anything. For some reason I just needed to say that to him. Even though I worry that the next time I see him it'll be awkward, I'm still glad I did it.

Hank's job situation is a bit up in the air, but there's a chance that he might be moving to Dream City in a month! I really hope it happens. And, here's the best part: we're considering moving in together. We definitely want and need separate bedrooms, otherwise it wouldn't work. But I'm so tired of living with random strangers that keep changing all the time that this sounds like a really good plan. And with separate bedrooms we can still have our own space easily and space to be with other people. We'll see. It's quite exciting to think about.
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  #408  
Old 09-03-2013, 01:47 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Oh, visit! Glad it's happening.

I know what you mean about wanting to speak up about a crush, but having no agenda. For me, it's almost like I simply don't want to regret saying nothing! And not that I need things to progress any particular way. Plus, I imagine it can be nice for someone to hear that they are attractive to others

You and Hank maybe living together, eh? Interesting times Though separate rooms will certainly simplify things!
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  #409  
Old 09-08-2013, 01:10 AM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Thanks for the reply, fuchka! Yeah, I think I feel pretty much the same way. Not wanting to regret anything and also the thought that I'd like to know if someone had a crush on me, so why shouldn't I say that to others.

Moving in together is becoming more and more certain. Now it's basically only up to one thing and Hank finds out about that in a couple of days. If he gets the job (it's looking pretty good at the moment), we'll start looking properly. I say properly because we already started a bit and called a few places, but we won't go see them before we know for sure. We've spent a lot of time on talking about potential pitfalls and problems in living together, but I think we've managed to tackle most of them in theory. Obviously you never know what's going to happen and we can never prepare for everything. But it still feels good to talk about different possible outcomes. One thing we spent a lot of time on is what do we do if one of us starts dating - and bringing back home - someone that the other really dislikes. That's a tough one, I don't know what to think about that. At the moment it's not an issue since Hank likes rory, but who knows about the future. That was the only issue we didn't come up a solution to. I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it, if we ever do.

I wrote this about 6 months ago:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
I've noticed a change in myself recently. I've become more sexual somehow. I've been jokingly called a pervert quite a lot recently, one time it was even "colossal pervert". I talk about sex more and I do it more directly, I think about it more and I want to have it more than before. It's interesting. I don't know what has happened, but at least I'm really happy to be poly right now, so that there is more than one person to fulfill these increasing desires.
The thing is, nowadays I feel horny so often that I don't even recognize myself anymore. How come I've changed so much? It's weird. The truth is that I'm not getting as much sex as I'd like. Although with two partners I probably get more than I would with one, but I'd still like more. I don't remember the last time I declined sex when my partner suggested it. I'm starting to feel like my sex drive is excessive. I'm trying to keep a sex-positive attitude and not think that it's a bad thing to want sex often, but lately it's been feeling more like a burden. Why can't I just be happy with what I've got? I mean, I am happy otherwise of course, but there's just that one thing. And it's not even all about the orgasms, even though they're great too, it's more about touching and kissing all over. It's about experimenting, experiencing and being close to each other. That's what I crave. So doing it by myself doesn't help much.
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I'm also dating Sol and Ray

Last edited by Mya; 09-08-2013 at 01:33 AM.
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  #410  
Old 09-16-2013, 08:42 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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So Hank and I are definitely moving in together. He got the job. We found a place we really liked and we're now waiting to find out if we got it. I really hope so! The place has really good connections to both of our jobs and other places we need to go, and it's also not too bad for rory to come over. I really really liked it, so fingers crossed!
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