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  #111  
Old 08-10-2013, 09:08 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
. . . He told me that when he talked to Lamian she was fine with us having some sort of a dynamic as long as it wasn't 24/7, a full M/s one, or have it become a lifestyle. He informed me I'm still his pet, he does still own me, we can when it's just us (even in public) have a full submissive/slave aspect.

Once he told me that it felt like a weight had lifted off my chest.
That is all well and good, and I am glad you have what you want with him again, BUT how does he intend to address the fact that Lamian lets her emotions dictate how YOU can be in YOUR relationship with him? What's going to happen the next time she gets a bug up her ass and all pouty about something? Is he going to stand up to her and defend his relationship with you or let her walk all over what you two have again? I think this is the biggest problem - she is a dictator and he puts her needs before his own.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #112  
Old 08-10-2013, 01:48 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Good questions, and I'm unsure of the answers. Particularly since she isn't comfortable with the relationship in the first place.

On a different note, I have something I'm going to first ask Seven and then tell Woodsmith. This past week (and just so you know Woodsmith doing this has been an ongoing thing in our relationship, even when we weren't living together and I'd see him just on weekends) he has spent every night sleeping on the couch rather than coming to bed. So honestly because of that, and the fact I'm sick of sleeping alone, if Lamian isn't home I'm going to just stay with Seven.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #113  
Old 08-10-2013, 07:10 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Talked with Seven about what I posted last (Woodsmith not coming to bed) and my desire to spend time with him when Lamian isn't home because of that. He spoke with Lamian to make sure that didn't go against what she is okay with and her only stipulation is that I also call Woodsmith out on this.

Which was my plan anyways.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #114  
Old 08-10-2013, 07:26 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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More random life post.

Recently I've realized that I want my clothing style to match my personality. I'm not sure why, but there's something about having my feelings/person revealed in my clothing that just interests me.

So I'm slowly working on transforming my wardrobe from what it is (a mismosh of stuff including from when I was big into clubs/raves) to a nice mix of pin-up and hippie/flowly (think a nymph/druid) wear.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #115  
Old 08-21-2013, 01:30 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Finally starting to feel less "OMG tired" from Gen Con so I feel like I can type about it/things I've learned from it.

Got to Indianapolis around 6ish when you add in the time change Wednesday. Got badges/event tickets and a friend who was working the con (one of MANY working the con) gave us a sneak 10 min peek to the dealers room.

Went to the hotel and crashed. Don't remember eating that day.

Thursday started gaming. Had a mini panic attack the first time I was in the dealer room with everybody due to the mass number of people. Got to play some fun games like Munchkin Expanded (Munchkin with ALL the expansions) and Zombie!!! Zoo.

Friday I played a random RPG called Slasher Flick and a few other things I can't remember off the top of my head. Had second breakdown (one of the things I've learned).

Saturday I again don't remember what I played (I played a LOT of games) and made a bracelet. It has beads to represent me, Woodsmith, and Seven with a heart inbetween the beads for me and Woodsmith and me and Seven.

I also bought myself a dragon to sit around my neck (Seven's spot) with armor to protect me. It's my own little symbol of him.

The two things I've learned.

1) I truly am a gamer. When I was in high school and college "gamers" only played computer/consule games. So when I started playing games I thought it was just cause I wanted to be around the people playing them. Totally not the case.

2) I need to keep myself busy in a place like that. If I stop being active then I kinda start getting really lonely. Woodsmith isn't a gamer (something he learned) and he really has no interest doing the games there (he'd rather do the seminars/costume/spousal stuff). Everyone else works. So I just go into my own little sad spot.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #116  
Old 08-21-2013, 01:13 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Really looking forward to tonight. Woodsmith is at his parent's farm and Lamian is going to be at Darkeyes. Why does this make me excited? Because for the first time since the disolving of the more lifestyle M/s Seven and I are not just going to be able to play but from the moment I pick him up until the moment we leave for work tomorrow morning I will be his slave.

He's mentioned he already has some things planned for me/us.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #117  
Old 08-21-2013, 10:09 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
That is all well and good, and I am glad you have what you want with him again, BUT how does he intend to address the fact that Lamian lets her emotions dictate how YOU can be in YOUR relationship with him? What's going to happen the next time she gets a bug up her ass and all pouty about something? Is he going to stand up to her and defend his relationship with you or let her walk all over what you two have again? I think this is the biggest problem - she is a dictator and he puts her needs before his own.
Guess we might find out. Even though she had said it was fine if we were by ourselves of us having our dynamic today while Seven was at work Lamian decided it wasn't good.

So I'm going to make it clear to Seven that something needs to change (by the end of the month or at the least have made significant progress towards it) if he wants me in his life. I'm going to state that either we need to be able to have our dynamic (and allow me to be able to be affectionate towards him if she's home) or I need a guarantee that I will get a day during a week AND a day on the weekend each week to spend with him. Right now I'm not being treated as a secondary or even a tertiary. I'm nothing more than a toy in her eyes and I'm done.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #118  
Old 08-22-2013, 03:24 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Waiting for the dust to settle but I don't think things are going to be okay.

So I got home, got a good cry/yell/whatever out while still alone. Lamian comes home and we are civil but she pretty much holed herself up in her and Seven's bedroom. A little talking off and on, particularly about the snake needing to warm up and taking care of her. I got home at 4:30 had my "grr" time till about 4:45 and then was okay until around 7 when I felt myself going into a spiral again, so I curled up on the couch and kinda pulled into myself to be able to have my composure whenever any talking happened.

Seven gets home around 7:15 and says we all need to talk. Before anything can be said I get made out as the bad guy with the words "don't worry she's not going to yell". I mention that I've been feeling like I've been treated like shit and before I have a chance to explain why I'm called selfish and am told I'm being a baby.

Lamian admits the only person she's mad at is Seven because he knew she wasn't okay with anything. They get into an argument with him telling her that she said she WAS okay with scenes and stuff done in private and she says he was wrong and they never talked about it. Seven tells her that he's done and she storms out with Darkeyes.

After she leaves Seven goes for a run with the husky. When they get back I give him a little time to himself before approaching him to talk. I state I want to have the chance to explain why I felt like shit and that it wasn't just relationship stuff but also how I've been treated in regards to whatever tension is going on. I mention the thing about being singled out as a bad guy, I mention not being allowed to have anyway to be upset because I can't go in my room or try to curl up and collect myself or snap. I mention the constant changes that just puts things even more a little box. Seven admits that the changes piss him off too but then tells me that he's just done.

So the rest of the evening is spent with me reading and him on his computer/phone texting. I tell him good night when I try to go to bed with nothing more than curtness.

I don't know what's going to happen when the dust settles. I don't know if some of his anger towards me is just being mad at the situation. I don't know if he's done with both of us (but I have a feeling that if it's just one it's going to be me because I am just the secondary).

Honestly at this point I don't know what to do. There's a part of me that wishes I never fell in love with him in the first place.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #119  
Old 08-22-2013, 10:43 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Been reading your blog for a while now and haven't really popped my head in, but DAMN, does it sound like you need a hug... So here, take one. Or two. Or four.

You don't deserve to be treated like the bad guy, and from what you said above, it sounds like he's been using avoidance and deflection maneuvers left and right (not fully informing Lamian of what's going on, using you as the scapegoat), and maybe he's mad that it didn't work, and projecting that anger on the both of you.

Here's hoping he calms down and has an honest talk with you about it. And here's another hug.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #120  
Old 08-22-2013, 01:30 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Rather than trying to do a long followup I'm just going to post this short one and anything that happens before another post (or any major event) will just get edited in.

Gave Woodsmith a quick fill in (basically just a lot of tension at home and there had been fighting and arguing last night).

Before being able to have any sort of a sleep (as disturbed as it was) I sent Seven a text (admitting I was scarf to ask in person because of how pissed he was) asking more or less if he hated me now. His response was "no I don't hate you dear".

This morning I also asked if I could give him a hug or if he still needed space. He did motion for me to come over and after a few moments hug gave me a smile and stroked my hair. Then as he left let me know to expect more of the same tonight in the fighting. I'm guessing Lamian and him continued to fight over text last night and still aren't done. Also gave Woodsmith a heads up on that. Going to try and call him today on my way to work in the hopes I can reach him.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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