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Old 08-10-2013, 05:19 AM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default Is it just for sex or am I really poly?

Hi. I'm married (almost 18 years in Sept) & we are newbies. Currently we are involved with L whom i have sex with alone (rarely) & as a non-bi three sum with Hub. L is here for the sex only & i have feelings for L besides sexual. All three of us know this is short-term & hope to remain friends. L does feel something but in the long-term he is basically mono (well he thinks he is).

In the meantime, both hubby & i have profiles on okcupid (okc). We have no set expectation of how a poly relationship with another will evolve whether its a triad, quad or a V (for each of us). As what appears to be typical for men & women, i get messages 99% & hub 1% of the time. I'd say hub feels some envy.

What we are not agreeing on is he thinks i just want to have sex & am not actually poly . I disagree and believe my intentions are to meet someone, if i like that person, yes i will have sex with them (fwb to start), but i feel if the fwb continues & grows that the fwb could become a long-term relationship. I have so much love in me & have been in love with both hub & a past bf that i know in my heart i am not looking for just sex. I'm looking for what will evolve into a new relationship. My okc profile is very adamant about being poly and that I am not looking for casual sex.

How, in discussions with hub, do i get him to realize that my ability to meet someone off-line is impossible & that starting off as a fwb is a possible way for me to meet another potential poly-mate? I'm a sahm who has a very limited social life.

Later this month i will be meeting FB (potential new bf/fwb). FB is married (12 years) & in love with one other woman (he doesn't know what to think of his own situation). FB & I both agree love comes down the road & neither of us want a one night stand. Actually I might meet him this monday for coffee, but not sure yet. Since FB messaged me on okc we've been getting to know each other. Discovering we have same tastes in music, that my favorite band is his (which surprises him {Primus} prob cause not many woman in this area even know who they are). I keeping "wow"ing him and he me.

Is this potential new FB just a casual opportunity and I'm not really poly or am I doing this the best way I can, under the circumstances, to meet someone to share my love with?

I know it appears to Hub that I'm just going to go from one guy to the next but that is so not my intention. It's not like I get much freedom to just go out and meet someone. Hub works strange shifts so I'm with the kids most of the time, doing the kid thing and taking care of our home.

I've been looking at posts and have read a few that are close but not quite the same. Any advice of how to get both hub and I do understand how actually dating happens would be great.

And if this is all over the place in thoughts, so sorry, I think circularly.
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dating, fwb, married and dating, married and polyamorous, married dating, meeting people, nre, poly vs. open, poly vs. swinging, sex

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