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  #11  
Old 02-03-2010, 01:55 AM
Sandy Sandy is offline
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I'm so happy I could help *tear*. I just joined this forum but oh god I wish I would have had it three years ago when I had just started out in an open relationship.

Please please ask anything and I'm sure we'll all do our best to support you!
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  #12  
Old 02-04-2010, 06:24 PM
glowinthedarkstars glowinthedarkstars is offline
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Originally Posted by Niesha25 View Post
Hello..... so here it goes. I really don't know where to start. But I met something who told me about this site. I've only been talking to him for about 2 days I would say. We did email each other before but we just really got into talking about our personal life. So he has just let me into his life style. He was scared that I would run away,but long story short. He gave me some history about it. I'm interested but still scared. I don't feel like I'm a jealous person but I still like to know that the person I'm with in for me. I am attracted to him and he's really intelligent. Which is very rare with most guys my age. Well anyways for starters I would just like to know, how would I go by doing this? I don't want to run away because I believe he's a good person and I don't want to miss out on that. But how do I deal with the poly part?
Hun I was in the same situation. I found myself attracted to a man who was poly and it seemed very new and scary, but I didnt feel innatley jelous so I thought i could try it out. Its been 5 months and it has been really challanging but beautiful. I have only been seeing him, but he has seen other girls. my number 1 reccomendation is to become active around here. the people on this forum have helped me tremendously. also read read read everything there is about polyamory. best of luck love
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  #13  
Old 02-05-2010, 01:18 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Niesha25 View Post
What exactly do you mean by your quote....(My bounderies, rules and regulations are ever changing but not without purpose...yours should be too!)

The part about your regulations are ever changing.....I know you talking about its going to be a compromise with the bounderies and rules. But ever changing it just sound like a battle... Maybe I'm focusing on those words too much.

So if you can elaborate on that please?
Our boundaries are always changing, because we are all personally growing.
When we first agreed to poly, the rules were... well ridiculously strict.
But they allowed for a Maca to have a month to research Polyamory and get an idea of what on earth it WAS before anything more happened.
Some of those boundaries are still in place, like not having sex with anyone else in his bed, or in his bathroom.
Others, are gone, like not showing affection to GG in front of him, because they aren't pertinent any longer.

One thing we found already is that some boundaries will be/are stricter with a NEW lover and as that person becomes NOT new to us anymore-the boundaries will be more lax.

For example, Maca, GG and I are fluid-bonded. No fluid bonding with another lover allowed.
But if at some point we became a closed quad-we wouldn't insist that the fourth person remain not fluid bonded-that would be silly at that point.

Does that make sense?
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  #14  
Old 02-09-2010, 11:23 AM
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xmakina xmakina is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Our boundaries are always changing, because we are all personally growing.
When we first agreed to poly, the rules were... well ridiculously strict....
Hah! Seconded.

To be honest though, I think it helped much more than it hindered. Going in with a strict rules-of-engagement meant that nothing would be done that both couples weren't 100% comfortable with.

"But ever changing it just sound like a battle" -- think of it more as a journey from monogamy to polyamory. In the same way Rome wasn't built in a day, un-learning monogamy takes a while.

If I may, my personal experience was that when we first started it was a case of "only with the same gender". Now she's got a boyfriend with the only rule being "let me know when you've slept with someone new" and that's only there for the standard sexual health & safety.

These rules have eased as I've become more comfortable with her exploring the poly side of herself and I've come from not wanting to see her with other men to encouraging her to going out on dates It wasn't overnight, so don't worry too much if things don't seem to be moving. Poly is something you need to measure changes in weeks or months.

Best of luck - hope to see you more around the place
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  #15  
Old 02-11-2010, 10:57 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I am fairly new to all of this too..my partner is poly and I would consider myself poly-curious. I have tried mongamy and it didn't satisfy me,yet this man I love now has led me to see a side of myself I never would have dreamed of. He accepts me 100% and I him,it is most unusual but immensely satisfying,because I never thought I would find that anywhere! My self confidence is at an all time high..

What has worked for me has been working on different aspects of the relationship individually,initially we had a very strong intellectual connection which then developed into a physical one and now we have found a very deep emotional connection too,its different for everyone but you must tell him how you are feeling and ask him questions if you are unsure. I did alot of reading in the beginning and found this forum to be very enlightening and helpful.

It is natural to feel fear when you don't understand something or don't have the tools to deal with a situation. I still have days where I go 'what the heck am I doing?',but I have no need to seek reassurance that he loves me or cares for me,because he shows it everytime we are together and in our conversations.
A year ago I would have been 'poly-what??' but now my mind is fully open and my emotions engaged like never before.

I'm not suggesting for one moment that you head full steam into a relationship with this man,take your time,explore,talk,ask,read and get to know him as a person,as a friend..this is not for everyone,but by coming here,you have shown you are open to learning..

All the best!
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  #16  
Old 02-11-2010, 01:51 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by FitChick View Post
I'm not suggesting for one moment that you head full steam into a relationship with this man,take your time,explore,talk,ask,read and get to know him as a person,as a friend...
I like this a lot. I kind of struck home with me because it's often the first way we describe our relationship when people are asking about us. We often open with "we're best friends" and then the rest follows.
There's something about what most people seem to feel about real, close friendship that .....takes an edge off ? Maybe it downplays certain old dynamics and expectations ? Hard to describe.
But there's a certain dynamic in a deep friendship that we respect & embrace fondly. An understanding that although we might not see eye-to-eye on everything, have different tastes in things etc, that when the chips are down none of that matters. We just know we're going to stand together, be there for each other.
If any relationship can grow from that foundation and KEEP it intact you can get through most anything together. But something about tagging the relationship with other labels - marriage, lovers,BF,GF - you name it seems to cast shadows over the friendship. Somehow, it and all the wonderfully positive things that made it work get lost.

Interesting..........

GS
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  #17  
Old 02-11-2010, 04:47 PM
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brettstaylor brettstaylor is offline
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[We often open with "we're best friends" and then the rest follows.
There's something about what most people seem to feel about real, close friendship that .....takes an edge off ? Maybe it downplays certain old dynamics and expectations ? Hard to describe.
But there's a certain dynamic in a deep friendship that we respect & embrace fondly. An understanding that although we might not see eye-to-eye on everything, have different tastes in things etc, that when the chips are down none of that matters. We just know we're going to stand together, be there for each other.
If any relationship can grow from that foundation and KEEP it intact you can get through most anything together. But something about tagging the relationship with other labels - marriage, lovers,BF,GF - you name it seems to cast shadows over the friendship. Somehow, it and all the wonderfully positive things that made it work get lost.

Interesting..........

GS[/QUOTE]

Here is something I do understand. Many of the multiple women I am dating are becoming very good friends. Thank you.
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