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  #11  
Old 08-05-2013, 02:55 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
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Originally Posted by UnitedForNow View Post


He believes as long as the intercourse is brief and isn't prolonged (causing pre-leakage) and if he doesn't even come close to a climax while inside of her that there is no risk. I don't know how she feels about it, though since she was quick to hop on top of him without any form of birth control I'm guessing it doesn't worry her either (though how she could have known that he wouldn't cumm inside of her also makes me wonder).
Sex Ed 101 ~ ANY intercourse can result in a pregnancy. Precum has sperm, and it is unlikely that he would "know" before it happens. Just being aroused he is likely to have precum present, most people dont know unless they are (ahem) up close and personal....

There are many children in this world, and many pregnancies terminated, just for this reason.

I think you are correct to be concerned, because they seem to be making decisions based on faulty information. If they truly believe they can't get pregnant just because he doesnt cum inside her, then what other erroneous information are they making decisions with?

Maybe they dont want condoms. Understandable. But they should at least know what risks they are taking, and you can decide what YOU need to do around that...

Good luck!
Willow, midwife and mommy to a surprise baby at 41 too.
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Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
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Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...
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  #12  
Old 08-05-2013, 03:20 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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OP, i have an opinion formulated already but before i give it, i will propose some questions to which i have not noticed you'd given certain background information already.

Is the male partner in your relationship the biological and/or practical father of your grown children? If not, does he have any children with anyone else? If so, has he been in their lives as their "father figure"? If not, does he want that?

What about the other female in this relationship? Does she have children? Does she WANT children (early 40's hmmm biological clock timing out but shit happy accidents happen tra la la)? Have the three of you talked about "what happens IF" she gets pregnant?

My opinion is that your male partner either consciously or subconsciously WANTS to get this woman knocked up because they want a baby together. I would even go out on a limb and suggest that they have talked about it between the two of them and said "wellll if it happens it was probably meant to be, let's just hope for the best and cross that bridge when we come to it." Although they may have convinced themselves that this is only a way to not have to use condoms (let's face it - who LIKES using them things unless they HAVE to?), once she is pregnant it will be a fait accomplis, and "ohhh i just CAN'T have an abortion after all".

And the decision will be made. The decision HAS been made; you are just trying to figure out what it is.
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  #13  
Old 08-05-2013, 07:22 PM
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UnitedForNow UnitedForNow is offline
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He is not the father of my children, though he fills the role of step dad pretty well. He has 2 grown children of his own, though his relationship with them is rocky and blows hot and cold.

She is 43 and has no children after 13 years of marriage. I thought it was due to her H.

She replied to my note and informed me that she believes she is infertile because of Xcondition, she also has Ycondition which interferes with making babies, though she also stated that she tracks her cycle on a phone app to know when she is fertile, and reassured me that this wasn't her fertile time. She offered lots of "I'm sorry to worry you - I should have discussed this with you ahead of time" along with her other explanations. While all of it is plausible, I did state that for my comfort that birth control will still be used.

I don't know her well enough to trust her with something this important, and yeah, her biological clock is ticking.... and that can be a strong incentive to be deceitful.
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  #14  
Old 08-05-2013, 09:39 PM
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Originally Posted by UnitedForNow View Post
While all of it is plausible, I did state that for my comfort that birth control will still be used.
Damn girl, sounds like you're putting your foot down on how they need to run their sex lives. You think they are going capitulate to your demands?
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  #15  
Old 08-05-2013, 10:05 PM
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Damn girl, sounds like you're putting your foot down on how they need to run their sex lives. You think they are going capitulate to your demands?
The easiest way to tick people off and turn them off you. If the OP still wants a gf in a couple of months she really needs to curb this tendency.
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  #16  
Old 08-05-2013, 10:35 PM
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Ambyer Ambyer is offline
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I know everyone's relationship is different, but I have to disagree. If the OP and her primary have decided together to let a secondary into their relationship, she has every right to say that birth control will be used. Before anyone slams me let me point out how she said it.
While all of it is plausible, I did state that for my comfort that birth control will still be used.
She didn't say you are not allowed, she stated for her comfort. Now if the others choose to ignore her, then she has the option of leaving, but she has merely pointed out what she needs for her comfort.
I am the same way and everyone is in agreement. My husband knows that I will not accept another baby into the family. If he chooses to not use protection and gets his girlfriend pregnant, I leave, end of story. It is something I cannot live with and I choose early on to express that anyone involves knows how I feel. She has a right to express her feelings, especially early on, so that all the cards are on the table.
However, yes it could have been handled a bit more delicate. But you did the right thing now holding it in.
Purely my opinion and feelings on the situate. As I said in the beginning not everyone will agree.
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  #17  
Old 08-08-2013, 01:03 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Have you folks even considered the risk of STIs from going bareback? It seems you all jumped into the sack before discussing some very important things. I suggest you all get tested before meeting up again. You need to have more detailed conversations with your next sexual partners.

I think it's perfectly fine that you expressed how you feel about what happened. However, her body is hers and you can't tell her what to do. If she gets preggo, she will make whatever decision she makes, whether it is abortion or something else. You and hubs should discuss how you will handle paying child support.

As far as your husband, he sounds like going bareback is all he cares about. If he agreed to always use protection with her and then didn't use it, then you have to address his breach of trust, which I think is actually the real issue. Whether he fucks her wrapped or not is not the problem, as I see it. The fact is he said, "Fuck it! I'll do what I want!" instead of keeping his word.
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Last edited by nycindie; 08-08-2013 at 01:06 AM.
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  #18  
Old 08-08-2013, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
Sex Ed 101 ~ ANY intercourse can result in a pregnancy. Precum has sperm, and it is unlikely that he would "know" before it happens. Just being aroused he is likely to have precum present, most people dont know unless they are (ahem) up close and personal....

There are many children in this world, and many pregnancies terminated, just for this reason.


Good luck!
Willow, midwife and mommy to a surprise baby at 41 too.
Just as a matter of interest I found this article that says that recent studies that have been done show no active sperm in pre-ejaculate. (However STI's are still very much transmissible).

http://www.livestrong.com/article/15...-method-birth/
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  #19  
Old 08-08-2013, 08:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
As far as your husband, he sounds like going bareback is all he cares about. If he agreed to always use protection with her and then didn't use it, then you have to address his breach of trust, which I think is actually the real issue. Whether he fucks her wrapped or not is not the problem, as I see it. The fact is he said, "Fuck it! I'll do what I want!" instead of keeping his word.
I think someone just nailed the real issue here.
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  #20  
Old 08-09-2013, 08:52 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Just as a matter of interest I found this article that says that recent studies that have been done show no active sperm in pre-ejaculate. (However STI's are still very much transmissible).

http://www.livestrong.com/article/15...-method-birth/
Derbylicious, thank you for this information. I also followed up on the Planned Parenthood site, and this same information was there. So it is possibly the second or subsequent round of intercourse that could deposit the sperm... good to know.
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Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
Bear-Maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...
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