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Old 08-08-2013, 09:04 PM
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 145
Default Being Open about Being Open

I posted this as a comment in a thread, but would like to isolate here for more general comments.

I belong to a pretty active poly community in a major city (not going to specify). After researching, this particular group appears to be the only active community in the city for younger people (there's one other for older, married couples, not intentionally, just so happens that most of the members seem to be such).

I have not been able to get to any of the meetups or such for the one group, as they tend to be in the suburbs or places you need to drive, but as for the one in the city....of all the people I've met, NONE are open about it, save for a few close friends, perhaps some family...

I, mean, not a single person. Now, I don't know them all, maybe some are. But I've also never, in passing, met someone who said, "Oh, by the way, I'm poly" or even, "I'm dating this married woman." The only open relationship I've heard of, really, has been Newt Gingrich. Every time I've explained to someone I'm poly, they get confused (apart from my one friend with a swinger friend. she had to have poly explained, but was able to understand much quicker, though she is still impressed I've chosen a "complicated" situation, instead of a nice single guy.) I've even had someone from my poly group tell me, "But wouldn't it be better if Such and such were single?" I can't make him understand his marital status is truly not important to me (aside from his wife makes him happy). And he's POLY (though he's started admitting he's not "really" poly, just sort of open, actually, not even sure if he really WANTS to be open.)

As an example, I started a polyamory facebook page, just for fun, invited a few, but, as i sent it out to friends, added, "If you don't want to join, I won't be offended," assuming, as it turned out accurately, that most would be hesitant to openly support polyamory. Most of my friends got back to me with, "I'd love to, but I don't want my family or friends asking me questions, and I'd rather not have to lie to them...." Totally understood. Heck, I won't even publicly like my own page because I'm not ready.

What I want to know is, who is completely open about their poly lifestyle. As in, if I went to a family gathering with you there, and I went up to your aunt and told her about my married girlfriend with the caveat, "but it's okay, we're poly like So and So," would get a response like, "Oh, well, that's cool. So, what do you do for a living?" Or if I were to have a birthday party, I could invite you and your various SOs (attached or not) and introduce them to my friends. Or, you put, "It's complicated" as your Facebook status

Last edited by Flowerchild; 08-08-2013 at 09:07 PM.
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