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Old 08-07-2013, 11:41 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South of Chicago, IL
Posts: 149

Originally Posted by bookworm View Post
I keep wondering if the time will come and I will have to choose. I can't help but think that its only a matter of time. Then what? Its like staring at a fork in the road and not knowing which way to go. Its not like there are arrows saying this leads to here or there. If I follow my heart I will choose Bob. But my head tells me Keith is the choice. I know if I choose Bob there will be no more poly and I do enjoy that type of relationship. And my home and everything that I've worked so hard for will be for naught. But my relationship with Keith is so different, a bit colder if you will. The true happiness of my heart doesn't lie solely with Keith. He's strong and stable and supportive and all those grown up things. But my heart won't be happy if I have to give up Bob.
Funny, but if the man you'd want has started pushing you into a corner to screw over a human being that cares about him, and loves you, it would certainly make me pause. For all of Bob's awesomeness, I'd never trust a man willing to knock others down to get his own way. But it's your life, and your principles at work here.

Do yourself a favor - Try not to wait for drama and fireworks before acting, if you know it's just a matter of time. Calm and peaceful transitions still count for something.

Last edited by monkeystyle; 08-08-2013 at 12:51 AM.
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Old 08-08-2013, 12:21 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

Originally Posted by bookworm View Post
Things have been a bit strained the last few days. Bob had a friend that committed suicide and he has really had a hard time with it. He's been depressed and I'm worried about him. Hopefully time will help. I will always do my best to be there for him. But I know he's used to things when he wants to and being with someone who can do the same. But I just can't. And that isn't helping his mood. He said last night that he only hangs around for me, but doesn't he realize that he's Keith's best friend? I've told him that but apparently it doesn't go both ways. I love Bob dearly and if things were different I would marry him this moment, but I can't simply toss Keith aside along with my home and all that I've worked for. Keith has been very supportive of me and Bob I just wish it was the same the other way.
I am not sure if Bob has anyone else, but if he desires someone who can be there all the time, he would do well to either not be in a poly relationship or find a primary. You may want to be there, and it is unfortunate about his friend's suicide, but you still have another relationship that requires your attention, too. You can try and balance the two and be where you need to be.

His thought process is a red flag for me, though. If he is supposed to be Keith's best friend and metamour, respect should be paramount. It took me years and a break-up to realise something, but I now realise that my ex never really supported my marriage. Her behaviour was indicative of that, and I am still paying the price for failing to realise what was right in front of my face.

Bob just does not sound like he is being supportive or respectful of your relationship with Keith or even his friendship with Keith. That is a reason to be concerned. At no point should you ever feel like you have to choose. An aspect of poly is so that you would never have to choose between the people you love. I suggest voicing your concerns with them. JMO.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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