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Old 08-05-2013, 01:29 AM
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UnitedForNow UnitedForNow is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 10
Default birth control

I'm pretty sure I did the right thing while also goofing up.

My primary partner and I are polywogs, and have just introduced a secondary into our lives. We both like her and have gotten together 4 times so far, with lots of e-mails and text messages in between. The latest incident though, is where I got upset and probably didn't handle my end very well.

Our new female friend (43 years old, no children, just got divorced) isn't on any form of birth control - while I'm fixed (48 years old female). My primary of 8 years (54 years old male) isn't used to having to think about birth control. She asked that we provide the birth control, which I was fine with so that I can feel confident that no "accidents" happen later on. We used it the first times, then this last time I noticed they weren't using any form of birth control. I mentioned something to both of them in the moment and they brushed me off that it wasn't necessary. Given how delicate the moment was I choose not to create a scene, especially since I trusted my partner wouldn't finish inside of her anyways, so the risk was relatively low.

The fact that both of them were willing to do this really upset me though. My partner knows how I feel about any possible pregnancy and yet he doesn't agree that there is any risk of pregnancy. He believes as long as the intercourse is brief and isn't prolonged (causing pre-leakage) and if he doesn't even come close to a climax while inside of her that there is no risk. I don't know how she feels about it, though since she was quick to hop on top of him without any form of birth control I'm guessing it doesn't worry her either (though how she could have known that he wouldn't cumm inside of her also makes me wonder).

I'm the only one who seems to think they were wrong....

I waited a day then I wrote a note to send to both of them (they are both now out of town) in which I express my concerns. I was upset and didn't use the most empathetic or understanding phrases in expressing myself (Yeah, I was preachy and lecturing both of them which is why I say "I goofed up"). My partner understands what I was trying to do and isn't upset. She hasn't contacted me at all.

I know it is their bodies, but a child would impact all of us. Was I right to let them both know that I didn't feel comfortable with them not using protection? I'm also feeling unsettled regarding my primary partners views on this, since in my eyes there is a high risk involved... Whether she contacts me or not, I still want to know for future partners/incidents if "I" have the right to make my concerns known regarding the use (or use of unsafe) forms of birth control.
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Change your perception and you change your life.
Nothing changes without changes.

Me ~ 48 bi-sexual female
Primary partner ~ 54 heterosexual male
secondary partner ~ 43 bi-sexual female
** we are working on forming a triad, though our secondary partner is more for me since my primary partner travels **
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