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  #1831  
Old 07-27-2013, 06:53 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Damn Straight




Well said and exactly what happened to me. Poly is simply the option of loving more than one, the relationships and their structures are separate from that. Makes life (mine at least) much easier and a lot less cluttered with junk.



Congrats RP.. Truely.. Keep in simple and life will be much clearer.
yay! You said you'd be back and here you are. Big fat hugs to you and yours. It was so great to see you a few weeks back. Made even better to see you here. Thanks for your grounding amd suppprtive words.
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  #1832  
Old 07-30-2013, 02:38 PM
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Cleo, the article link you sent was super helpful. Thankyou. I read it several times and will again. InfinitePossibility, I agree, loneliness is just something I will feel from time to time. As does everyone. Reading the article Cleo sent put a different perspective on that and gave me something to focus on. SNeacail, I likely have pulled away too much and am now feeling that pendulum swing a bit too much. Time to bring it back to center a bit more.

Dirtclustit, thanks for your words. You made some good points that I have mulled over. I appreciate your clarifying what you were saying.
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  #1833  
Old 07-30-2013, 03:22 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Cleo, the article link you sent was super helpful. Thankyou. I read it several times and will again.
Glad it was useful! I've become a bit of a Pema addict Whenever I'm really anxious/jealous/needy/caught up I read her stuff. I know there are lots of Buddhist writers out there but she seems one of the very few who talks about these things from the perspective of someone who has lived a 'regular' life, and she has a sense of humor which really helps.
I know you are not a big reader but I really recommend all her work, lots of it is in short easy to read articles online.
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  #1834  
Old 07-30-2013, 06:09 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I LOVE Pema Chodrons writing! Same reasons!
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  #1835  
Old 08-02-2013, 05:16 AM
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Update is that there is some head way on my me stuff. sitting in it all is working! I am generally more content alone than with others and actually crave alone time. I get sad when I know I have to be in the company of others some days.
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  #1836  
Old 08-04-2013, 07:59 AM
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Nice to see some old names here, Ari, LR, SNeacail. I'm back because I'm giving Poly a go for myself and one of the first things I'm learning to deal with is the loneliness of being apart from a love. I read the Pema Chodron article and it was just what I needed.
Loneliness is obviously something not to be avoided for me because when I was identifying as mono I had exactly the same issue when Zen was away with his love. Now I have another love of my own and I miss him. Time to sit with the feelings and accept them I guess. :-).

Kudos to you RP for doing the hard work. :-)

Thanks

Sage
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  #1837  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:47 PM
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I am glad that you are making progress RP and are starting to come out of that cloud I metaphorically saw hanging over your head. I don't think I've ever been monogamous, but we did live several years in pseudo monogamy where we weren't actively dating or having relationships, but had FWB's who came in and out of our lives (Runic Wolf more than myself) and it's been a hard adjustment for him to have me be the one in a steady relationship for the last 4 years because I was never the one actively looking for a second relationship. However, I love the idea of intentionality in relationships; I may have accidentally fallen into my relationship with Wendigo, but I am intentionally fostering it and letting it grow. I am also intentionally fostering my marriage. Early on, it was easy to let NRE take over and let my stable marriage slide and I wonder if, in a way, you did something similar in your relationships by feeling like you HAD to keep adding to your poly family as if being content with the loves you had would somehow make you less poly in the eyes of your community.
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  #1838  
Old 08-04-2013, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Update is that there is some head way on my me stuff. sitting in it all is working! I am generally more content alone than with others and actually crave alone time. I get sad when I know I have to be in the company of others some days.
I spend a lot of time alone. Traveling. Its been interesting since I do treasure that time. However I am happy with myself and what I am doing so I never feel lonely.

I sometimes feel guilty over that happiness at being alone.. But its also where I reboot. I have that time to do those things I enjoy.. I just wish I could bring my bikes everywhere I travel

Sometimes in poly we spend so much of our meager 24 hours a day sorting through our poly relationships we forget the relationship with ourselves.

ari
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  #1839  
Old 08-07-2013, 02:42 PM
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So good to hear from you Sage, Bridgidsdaughter and of course you too Ari!

I just stopped by to say we are off on our Oregon coast bike trip tomorrow. There is a lot going on for me in good, clarifying and settling ways but I will write when I get back. For now there is a break on the storm and some fun to be had. I intend to embrace it and ride. Cheer everyone.
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  #1840  
Old 08-27-2013, 04:56 AM
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I won't be writing here any more I don't think. My poly head is filled with cobwebs and tangled messes of new ideas and thoughts but none of it is for public consumption. I am unwilling to share much more than random boring up dates about what I am doing as if it were a log of my life with no context or inclination of mental process or feeling. So much is going on for me that is not shareable in a safe manner that I am speechless when I sit and write. Maybe one day I will be able to but right now I can't even share with those close to me let alone publicly so I am taking an extended break.

Peace out people. Enjoy the ride and good luck.
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