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Old 08-02-2013, 05:58 PM
LivingHappy LivingHappy is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeastern US
Posts: 9
Default Hubby Social Problem

All,

I am the hinge in a V with my husband and my married (poly) OSO. I was pretty happy with the situation until a few months ago. Where I am having trouble is that my husband does not currently have an OSO and is extremely unhappy about that situation. His unhappiness is permeating all facets of his life so much that our friends don't want to be around him. All he does in social situations is complain about the lack of poly women available or try to pick someone up wherever we go. It is so bad that we have stopped receiving most social invitations for us as a couple. Our poly friends will invite me, but not him to gatherings. I understand them....heck, I don't want to be around him most of the time!

To complicate matters further, he is the leader of our local Poly organization. No one wants to tell him he's no fun to be around or that his tendency to zoom in on new female members is bordering on creepy. If I gently say something it results in a fight about how he can't meet anyone and I'm totally off base about what people think. I will say that when he gets a polite "No thank you" from someone, he does not pursue it at all. He's not a stalker or a creep, just a guy who runs a poly group without the OSO he desperately wants.

I do still love him, but I do not like the person he is right now. I have tried to ask him to get some counseling for his depression, but he won't. I've even offered to go to marriage counseling so we can communicate better...all to no avail. I have tried to tell him that he won't find what he is looking for until he likes what he has right now...again, nothing gets through. He is very angry and it is everyone else's fault, including mine since I have a committed OSO and he doesn't.

I've considered moving out until he can bring himself to get some help, but it is a pretty drastic step - we've been married for 24 years, but at this point I sit at work and dream about my own place.

Advice?
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