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  #31  
Old 07-31-2013, 06:13 AM
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Anyanka Anyanka is offline
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One of my big fears about putting things on ice for 12 months is that he and I will lose what we have .. at the moment, we talk almost every day, usually for a couple of hours and we have just gotten to the point of finally figuring out what we want from each other so .. it is frustrating to think of giving that up.

Can a relationship be picked up down the road?

I have had a few ex's come back after time - I have one from 10 years ago in contact now - but as a friend - I have never found it possible or desirable to rekindle anything romantic.

This might be just me perhaps?
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  #32  
Old 07-31-2013, 05:58 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
One of my big fears about putting things on ice for 12 months is that he and I will lose what we have .. at the moment, we talk almost every day, usually for a couple of hours and we have just gotten to the point of finally figuring out what we want from each other so .. it is frustrating to think of giving that up.
You don't have to give up contact.

You don't even have to give up the romance.

You could give up expecting to have it RIGHT THIS MINUTE and just wait til a better time.

Could call it a "friendship with romance potential" for now if that helps you feel better and be free to date others in the meanwhile.

Quote:
Can a relationship be picked up down the road?
I think you mean "Can a romance be picked up down the road?"

Sure. Why not? Anything is possible.

Galagirl
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  #33  
Old 07-31-2013, 06:04 PM
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Anyanka Anyanka is offline
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One of the things I love about people who identify as poly is their seemingly open-ended approach to what feelings are or could be - your post is a perfect examples of that GG

For me, I have this rather B/W mentaility - and as we all know, the world is as we percieve it to be.

I guess I think that he and I have fouhgt some tough battles to arrive at the point we are at and dialling that down to a 'friendship' is difficult for me to conceptualise ... I need to think on this.
*** I have chickened out of making a decision tonight, I have spent the evening engrossed in a bottle of Absolut and pretenting that I am asexual .. it's working .. kinda ..

Thanks for the response
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  #34  
Old 07-31-2013, 08:56 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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How about-not making that decision per se?

My boyfriend, GreenGecko,
We met 20 years ago.
We were friends.
Then we were lovers.
Then I moved and we were friends who talked a lot about sexy stuff.
Then I moved again.
We became lovers again.
etc
We now live together with my husband. We have a child. We are family.

But-through it all we were best friends and we loved each other.

The key-and this isn't always easy to learn to do-but once you force yourself to-it's really awesome;
is accepting whatever it is you can give/be to each other in the moment. Instead of projecting forward.

We kept our projection to-I will always love you. We didn't try to force that love to fit into any specific label. That is precisely we are still together today. Because we didn't bail on our love and friendship just because there were times we couldn't give each other the depth of love and commitment we wanted to have sometime.
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  #35  
Old 07-31-2013, 09:01 PM
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Anyanka Anyanka is offline
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A really beautiful thought and post - ty
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  #36  
Old 08-01-2013, 10:32 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyanka View Post
I am not entirely sure how to bring all of this up .. whether or not to outline what will or won't work for me and leave it up to him to be okay/not okay with it or, hang in there for the short term and see how we go or, stick with my decision to walk away before it just gets even harder to.
If you KNOW what you need and what your firm boundaries are, it seems the only sane thing to do (in any relationship) is to say so, so the other party can make their decision if it works for them, or negotiate if there is a need.
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  #37  
Old 08-02-2013, 01:06 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyanka View Post
xkcd comic
OMG I love that strip.

Had to print it out this AM and leave it on MrS's computer for him to enjoy. (He's a math geek). Later in the day he txt'd me and made reference to it -

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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