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Old 07-29-2013, 01:56 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
The only difficulty is that in poly, one relationship does tend to effect another, even in some small way. That doesn't mean that metamours have a right to decide what goes on *within* the relationship.... but of course, they do have a right to freedom of speech and voicing their needs and wants.
I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean with the bold part. Can you give a hypothetical for what you would be ok with in this regard? I'm just curious.

While a person does have the freedom to stick their nose in my business unsolicited, they are also going to be free to hear me tell them to remove their nose from my business (I might even say it nicely the first time).
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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Old 07-29-2013, 02:56 PM
westVan westVan is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Default I'm to independant I guess

I live a very independant life and for someone to "Tell" me that I have to see my boyfriend 3/4 nights a week and what nights that will be , unacceptable to me. I will see him if we avalable and if we want to. thats why he is a boyfriend and nothing more.
I don't have an issue getting together with them for dinner but dont tell me I have to go for dinner at ___ resturant on ___ day of very week. FYI I hate the food there and its not my kind of place, but they like it so they can go and have a date night themselves, but she gets her nose out of joint because I don't go. and yes I have asked about other places but she insists on this place.
they like to camp and hike, I don't and it's a big issue that I wont take time off of work to do it with them. How do I make them understand that I am solo for a reason, I like to run my own life and love my independance. they would like a closed "V" and I am not into that. I have another Friends I see and have no intention of giving them up.
It hink you guys are right, time to let go of this one and move on.
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:56 PM
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Ambyer Ambyer is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 29

You may well be right, it might be time to let go. I don't know if this applies or not, but could it be an agreement that they have between each other that for him to be "allowed" to have another girlfriend he has to follow her rules. Now I'm NOT saying this is right, and to stress I would NOT get involved in a relationship like that myself in the first place, but I have seen friends try to take this approach. The one that is being "allowed" tries to keep this a quiet thing so they don't come off as being the one controlled, but it still happens none the less.
Just a possible idea.
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Old 07-29-2013, 06:04 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Uhhh, sorry but I would just state, as firmly as possible, that you don't believe in relationships where you are REQUIRED to have X number of like interests. You prefer to be yourself. I can't even imagine insisting on someone doing something with me. I like to do certain things that hubby doesn't, so hubby doesn't do them. If boyfriend does like to do them with me then he will. There are things I like to do that NEITHER of them likes to do, so I do them alone!

Example: I went to visit boyfriend for the first time, it was his city I hadn't been there before. There were things he really wanted to show me. Some of them, not interesting to me at all, so we skipped them. I am really kind of confused how dating someone requires them to do ALL the interests I decide they should.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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