Originally Posted by WhatHappened
How do you get to know people by writing erotic stories?
As to your feelings, you may feel anything you like, and it sounds to me like he wasn't clear that he would be, and was, still in contact with her as a thing between the two of them, rather than as a joint...friend?...toy?...as you were led to believe. That becomes a violation of trust. That's a problem. If there are continued violations of trust, you eventually won't have a very good relationship.
The erotic stories is in between regular emails etc ..
He wasn't at all clear - not at all. So yes, I feel it was a violation as well. If he was here we could possibly work through that but as he isn't .. I just don't think I have it in me to hand him back my trust. It has been such a long road for us, ending his existing relationship, negotiating distance, discussing his want to have other people in the bedroom.
Every single issue from already being in a relationship that he was trying to end, to moving here on his very slow timetable, to having his sexual needs addressed and met, being wary of getting into a new 'relationship', and his deal with not understanding 'love' .. every single one has been his issue and I have stood by him and I have been patient and I have said okay.
But I think this is my line in the sand. As much as I love him and as much as I love what we have (and he is a loving, warm and fun guy) .. without the trust the distance becomes a monster rather than a temporary goblin