Originally Posted by sweetness
....We have talked and continue to talk about all this so that in itself I know is a good thing. I have met her, and honestly she is a nice person. That doesn't mean I want to change my life to accomodate her or any other woman, however. He states that He is not moving fast with this, that He does want to give it time, but that His ultimate goal is for us all to live together. That is not my ultimate goal.
In addition, she is not a lifestyle submissive woman, but rather a nurturing and pleasing vanilla chick, who happens to be 18 years younger than me. She comes to this new experience (for her) with a great deal of idealism that I have long sense lost over the years.
okay, okay, this is beginning to come together a little for me now, I think you left out a few important parts for us here to help or offer advice
if you two have a bdsm relationship, than yes I can see where that makes things much more complicated. especially if she is not into that or doesn't know you two are. this could be a huge potential issue. have you and he discussed sharing that aspect of what you have with others? do you yourself want to share that part of what you have? maybe he is hoping he can change her mind and get her to try it out. or perhaps he likes just having that with you. I can totally see where sharing that part of what you have with someone else might be very upsetting. I'd consider this aspect of a relationship entirely seperate from being poly, and I'd suggest making seperate rules/guidelines/desires known seperately.
the age thing, well, perhaps with more time it won't make such a difference, or if this other person just isn't right for you, then you should simply let your fella know she is not for you, and find some way for him to be with her, but you to not be with her.
whatever you do, it really sounds alot like you need more itme to get to know this person more and more assurance from your fella about all the particulars in your relationship, and what exactly he is and is not interested in sharing, and then he needs to listen to your needs/desires and concerns and reassure you that you are not loosing anything, and possibly not gaining anythign in certain areas if you wish not to as well.
i hope you can get things settled and make sure what your wanting is what he has in mind. good journies hun, may you find all the answers you seek soon.