Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-23-2013, 11:49 AM
Breeze Breeze is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South Florida, USA
Posts: 8
Smile Breeze's Story

So I'm going to start with quoting from my introductory post, below.

--

"I would say that I'm semi-new to polyamory as a practice. A past girlfriend and I tried to incorporate it into our relationship (before even realizing it was a "thing") at some point, but with a wrong match, many years ago. Since then, I've been in monogamous-minded relationships filled with dishonesty, but have met and seen polyamory in practice and am quite drawn to it. I'm tired of the lies, manipulation, and codependency that society tends to turn a blind eye to in romantic relationships.

I don't want to own or be owned, but I do want to love and be loved. I've been exploring my social scene (offline and OkCupid) since becoming officially single about 4 months ago and have met some amazing people. I have started forming some wonderful connections without expectations or obligations and have never been more happy, stable-feeling and satisfied in my love/intimate/social life.

I was originally defining myself as "in an open relationship with myself", as I am loyal and committed to myself, but have semi-casual partners. At this point, I spend a lot of my free time with one guy (who I was previously in an unsuccessful serious relationship with, before we did a lot of soul-searching on our own time), (but he is not excited about non-monogamy...), I am very excited about another guy (who happens to be a transman) with whom I click crazy good (I guess OKC's 99% can be pretty accurate!) and just got together with a m/f couple yesterday for our first outing and we all agreed that the energy and chemistry and friendship-potential was all there pretty strongly. There is another guy that I've connected with well online/phone who lives in Colorado and travels frequently who is looking for a long-distance poly relationship with several women spread across the country. We also click very, very well."

--

It's all kind of spinning my head around, all the chances for truly and honestly connecting with people. I crave deep, meaningful connections and would prefer a small, family-like network of strong bonds rather than a larger network of acquaintances.

The chick of the couple, R, texted me yesterday to clarify how they feel about our meeting on Sunday and to asked me what I thought about our compatibility. I was honest about how I felt and my concerns about time management. They are both very easy going and we all seem to be the types to work towards out ambitions, but without force and letting things happen naturally with our coaxing. They asked to get together this weekend and I want to shoot for Sunday, but I feel like I already have plans that I am not able to remember right now. We'll see.

So, holy cow, I hung out with F last night (the poly transman) and, gah, I am ridiculously excited about him. There is this level of comfort with him that I haven't felt so quickly and deeply in... pfft, a loooong time. I'm crazy attracted to him, too. It seems we're on similar pages, although he's slightly more reserved. We're actually hanging out again this evening, which is somewhat against my rules, but I don't know when I'll be able to see him again (a week from today? And then I'm going to be out of town, camping for 5 days and then planning on camping for another handful of days a half week after with ) and... ooh, he's just intoxicating to me, which he has voiced feeling the same about me as well.

Now, , the ex-ish (who is strict monogamous)... he knows where I stand. I don't give him explicit details, but I don't hide that I'm seeing (and am very interesting in seeing) F. I haven't discussed the couple with him as I am still feeling that potential out and he's having a hard time understanding and I'm thinking "one thing at a time", although I don't want manipulation to have any bearings in my world, so we'll see how it goes. We're not committed, but we have a strong bond. He's not strongly emotional with me (it's his nature), but he does reach out and show his vulnerabilities on occasion. Our communication is much better than it ever was - he's learning that when I'm upset, that doesn't mean I'm going to drop him out of my life, and I'm learning that he truly appreciates full honesty more than being coddled (don't we all, though?).

So now, I just have to find time for all of this! I'm worried that when fall semester comes (in like 5 weeks!), I'm going to have to cut back on everything and hang out with the backup-singing crickets and cobweb-prepping spiders, but I'll figure things out when that time comes.
__________________
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-24-2013, 02:42 PM
Breeze Breeze is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South Florida, USA
Posts: 8
Default

So I met up with F again last night and it was really nice, of course. I'm feeling a little vulnerable - I am quite open with myself (thoughts/feelings/actions) around him and he's a little reserved (or just expresses himself differently, is probably more accurate) and it's a little unbalanced and making me nervous. But that's okay, sometimes that's how it goes. I did look up from the meal/back from people watching a couple times and caught him looking at me all cute-like. He has generally only been poly in theory (which is pretty much how I would describe myself as well), so it'll be interesting to see how that goes.

has been needy/clingy, but that's not new. We spend Thursday evening and all day Friday together every week, sometimes Saturday afternoons as well - I didn't spend time with him last Saturday, so it threw him off. He wanted to see me last night, but I was already committed to spending time with F. It's interesting to me to see that I miss him more after spending time with a different partner - at first I thought it was because I felt "guilty" (since he's not excited about non-monogamy), but now I'm just realizing that spending time with someone else makes me feel like more time has passed since seeing him last.

The Colorado guy, D, just texted me last night that he has bought plane tickets to visit my area in late August. I'm excited! We have very clear communication, which is quite comforting, and I'm excited to see what it'll be like in person.

I am trying to get together with The Couple this weekend. I'm slightly concerned they are the Typical Unicorn Hunters, but time will tell. In my ideal scenario, I'd prefer to be a secondary each to two people that happen to be dating each other, spending our own time one-on-one and all of us being comfortable around each other, rather than being a relationship-zester-upper... so we'll chat and see. My current sexual attraction isn't equal for both of them, of course, and I'm curious how that will play out if we all feel comfortable taking things into an actual dating scenario.
__________________
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-27-2013, 04:41 PM
Breeze Breeze is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South Florida, USA
Posts: 8
Default

Hung out with F again last night. Rain (and some social anxiety) cancelled our initial plans, but we went with different plans and had a great time. I will laugh sometimes, to myself when we're together, because every time I turn around, he does something that reminds me of myself. Shoe choices, social interaction, general preferences... it's just so funny because I find myself to be so dissimilar to most everyone I meet when it comes to the big picture.

Anyways, we get along amazingly well, and I'm a little worried I'm getting too excited too early. Haha.

Meeting up with the couple tomorrow. A week has passed since I hung out with them the last (and first) time and although I like them, I just don't know how I'm going to find time. They seem to be really easy-going, but we'll see. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole scenario yet. But they did feel like great people, so at the very least, I'd like to catch some awesome friendships outta this.
__________________
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:00 AM.