Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 07-26-2013, 04:27 PM
Lyr's Avatar
Lyr Lyr is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 8
Question who to invite to a party: a seemingly simple problem

Hello all, I'm pretty new here. I've lurked a bit before but a simple predicament brought me to actually post.

I'm having a gathering at my house this week.

I'm seeing one girl (let's call her Ramati) and interested in another (say, Nata).

I don't know who to invite. This all sounds kind of childish. But here goes.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with the term "romantic attraction". I use it to say someone I could fall in love with, without sounding so loaded. It's the warm fuzzy feeling and the giddiness and finding infinity in someone's eyes. I've never been in a relationship with someone that I'm romantically attracted to. That's what I want.

I am romantically attracted to Nata. She likes me, I like her, we've said as much, but she's seeing someone else and she's not sure what she's doing or where her head's at. But she wants to be friends for now and I can continue to invite her to things.. and see. I would usually see her at her work but she's quit so this is pretty much the only way to see her. And I want to see her. And this is something I can invite her to.

But I'm seeing Ramati. We have a sexual relationship. It's pretty casual and about a month in. We stay at each others' houses. I'm not attracted to her romantically and she's not romantically attracted to anyone. I enjoy her company when I see her but I don't crave seeing her. I want to be open to kinds of relationships outside of my fairytale ideals. I do find her interesting. But I find her hard to connect to.

Nata knows I'm seeing someone, Ramati knows there's someone I'm pursuing. They haven't met. I think it would be a bad idea to invite them both as Nata's shy, Ramati can be intimidating, both of them are new... I don't want to cause drama.

This all boils down to that, if push comes to shove, I prioritize Nata. And Ramati is indirectly stopping me from seeing Nata.

I could drop everything to be open to pursuing Nata. But I've done that before and I just ended up alone. Also I'd feel like a dick. And I don't want to have to be monogamous in order to start a new relationship. I'd consider it, but that's another can of worms.

I could just let it lie and invite Ramati or neither of them. There'll be other times for Nata, just be patient. I could see them both.

I'm just thinking in the wider scheme, is it ok to prioritize potential partners over Ramati? Is this a relationship that I want? If it is, how do I navigate this? Which doesn't even touch on that I would rather be seen as "with" Nata than Ramati by my friends. Erk. Poly always seems to bring issues hurling to the surface faster. All this on a simple. Logistical. Issue.

How do I logistics.

Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully respond =P

pansexual femmeromantic genderqueer person. pronouns: them/they
Reply With Quote

logistics, metamour, organisation, partners meeting, scheduling

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:20 AM.