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  #11  
Old 07-24-2013, 03:13 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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I love the angled ceiling and the skylight!
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  #12  
Old 07-24-2013, 05:09 PM
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Thanks! Although the skylight is really the fan/light combo. The angled ceiling made it interesting when finding the pipe for the showerhead. All the new ones I found were angled down. Therefore, with the extra angle in the ceiling, they all ended up pointing back toward the wall. Oops.

I had to hope the old chrome straight one matched the brushed nickel of the new showerhead. Luckily, it looks fine and nobody looks at that stuff anyway. If they do, well then now they have something to look at.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #13  
Old 07-25-2013, 02:43 AM
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And just in case you all mistakenly think I've got my shit together, Battle of the Mold Day One is not a fun day. Mold has spread, cellar is dark (so I can't see how much it's spread), I got overwhelmed, and the "GAH! WHY ARE YOU NOT HOME TO HELP MEEEEE?!?!?!" feelings spewed forth like a spiteful little fountain. Oy.

P got me to breathe again ("BUT I WANNA FIX IT ALL NOOOOOWWWWW!!!"), was extremely reassuring, and I finally calmed down enough to put on my crappy clothes, mix up some bleach, vinegar, and water, and kick some fuzzy white ass.

Luckily, a friend had a dehumidifier and wet-vac he wasn't using, so those are now my happy little robot slaves in the war as well (with a set of my own coming from Craigslist tomorrow). As long as the mold doesn't perform some Skynet type of maneuver, I'll be fine.

You may be gaining territory, mold, but I'm like Australia in Risk. Don't count me out, and don't mess with me.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #14  
Old 07-25-2013, 12:41 PM
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Default Battle of the Mold, Day One...

Ugh. Exhausted after ragging off mold and throwing away damp, moldy basement stuff until 1am last night. The fact that this is all happening the week I'm PMS'ing really, really doesn't help.

Cleaning one's basement due to moisture and mold is pretty damn close to losing weight because you're sick. The results are okay, but what an awful process.

I am realizing that, as the enormity of this project slowly unfolds, I am really having a hard time finding a balance between self-sufficiency and wanting to rely on P.

I've never lived alone, which doesn't really help... If I'd had these couple of years in the house alone before starting up my relationship, maybe my "problem solver" side would take charge a bit more quickly than the overwhelmed "oh no, no, no, no, make it go away" side. Who knows...

Still, this is a hard lesson to learn simply because the opportunities (thankfully) don't come all that often, and when they do, they involve something shitty happening to the house.

I want to rely on P. He wants me to be able to rely on him. But he's not here. So... do I flip the switch and say fine, I'm alone, time to be self-sufficient? Self-sufficiency is good, yes, and I think that's the way to go, but in the process, I end up detaching myself from even wanting to rely on P - detaching myself from even thinking that I can, and thus begins the emotional back-and-forth ("I can do this myself!" / "Why aren't you heeeeeeeere???").

Once I detach like that, it's hard to flip the switch back when he is here. Like I need to prove to myself that I can do it without his help if I'm going to get anywhere in this relationship when these types of things pop up.

Bleh.

Part of the problem is that the moisture is threatening a lot of the stuff I stored downstairs - stuff I don't want to lose (the kids' papers, some of the more meaningful christmas decorations, other momentos - I remember losing a lot of the kids' handmade Xmas decorations a couple years back when a snowglobe burst inside the plastic container they were in. Kindergarten and preschool decorations that really were irreplaceable... I dread experiencing that again). And I, as a "fixer" hate waiting until it dries out. I need to be doing, not waiting. Multiple things to drive me crazy. Certainly not the best emotional state to start from.

Well, hey... at least I get to ramble about it here. Lucky you?
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #15  
Old 07-25-2013, 03:22 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Can I just clarify? P is your boyfriend. M1 is his girlfriend. P is also seeing M2 and M1 is seeing M2's husband--so there's something like a quad forming there?
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  #16  
Old 07-25-2013, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Can I just clarify? P is your boyfriend. M1 is his girlfriend. P is also seeing M2 and M1 is seeing M2's husband--so there's something like a quad forming there?
Correct. A quad-in-the-making with me as a little spoke on the outside of it all. Like a square with a stick poking out of one of the corners.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #17  
Old 07-27-2013, 02:52 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I can't seem to find where you talked about his schedule, so please correct me if I'm remembering wrong: P stays 2 days/week with you, and then 2 days/week with another gf. So, where is he the other 3 days a week?

I am just wondering, can't you ask him to expand his time with you in some way? Like to 3 days/week. Or to have a thing like he spends a full week with you every 1 or 2 months or something like that, and still keep the rest of the month 2 days/week. Do you think that would work?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #18  
Old 07-27-2013, 01:38 PM
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Ah, sorry - I didn't explain well. It's not 2 days/week; he's up here for 2 days, then south with M1 for 2 days, and it repeats. So, this week, Sat and Sun will be south, Mon/Tues will be north, Wed/Thurs will be south, Fri/Sat will be north, etc.

It usually works out fine, except when something pops up. I don't have time to post much now, but it didn't help that he'd been through a flooded basement before and to him, this was not a big emergency (as in, he could help me over the phone rather than dropping everything and coming home), whereas to me, I was "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! MOLD! GET IT OUT NOW!"

I suck at waiting. I would much rather be doing than waiting. However, one of the first steps is to get rid of the source of moisture, and THAT wasn't going to happen until the rain stopped. So I wait. We did clean out (and throw out) quite a bit, though, and the two dehumidifiers are doing a hell of a job.

More later... time to get mah hair did.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #19  
Old 07-28-2013, 02:48 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Thank you for this great blog! It is nice to hear the POV of a mono in poly relationship, and especially a mono with an old house full of projects ...says someone who just spent a couple days stacking firewood in the shed for the winter with her mono love. It is amazing how Mother Nature changes our project priorities and how the projects never turn out simple and straightforward... Good luck with your fight against the mold!
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  #20  
Old 07-29-2013, 01:33 AM
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Oh, despite the hurdles and impromptu projects, I adore this house. Hardwood throughout - could use a resanding and refinishing, but with area rugs, it looks great. Oak built-in bookcases in the living room with leaded glass fronts. Original hardware on the bedroom and bathroom doors upstairs, including the glass doorknobs. Original brass hardware on the front door (that the jackasses at the bank put a drywall screw through in order to keep it "locked" because they lost the key). Nice hearth for a wood stove. Gorgeous dark oak woodwork. Overall, you know this house has a lot of history and character. Not sterile at all.

I passed up a condo in move-in condition (and granite countertops - sigh) for a few reasons and found my project-filled masterpiece.

Good Lord, if that doesn't sound like the perfect analogy for my relationship, or what.

I adore P. He and I have a hell of a connection - can talk about damn near anything (you should have heard us geeking out together after seeing Pacific Rim - Giant Robot/kaijuu fans deconstructing all the archetypes in the movie... wheee!), can work together, don't judge each other - it's incredibly refreshing to be loved and appreciated for who you are, and ENCOURAGED to be myself, and I try to do the same for him. We just "click". So the hurdles, the projects, the "Oh, shit - I didn't want to deal with this NOW!" moments... when compared to the overall picture, they're all worth it. And getting through them will only help (and HAVE only helped) to make the overall relationship even better.

I can't wait 'til we have the time and money to tackle the kitchen.
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