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Old 07-20-2013, 10:01 AM
Avaofthedark Avaofthedark is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: At the moment I live in Okinawa Japan
Posts: 5

I can definently relate to your post! I am also in a triad and the couple I am dating live in one house with their kids and I live in mine. Were supposed to have equal sleeping time with him but she sleeps wit him mon-fri and my days are sat and sun although he rarely comes to me on my time. I can definently understand your frustration about the situation. I really hope things work out between you three in terms of figuring out a much more fair solution
When you do I may need your advice haha
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Old 02-28-2014, 07:24 PM
JustUs JustUs is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Corpus Christi,Texas
Posts: 71
Default Sleeping arrangement - Question

So, my wife's boyfriend of four years just moved in with us about 2 months ago. Their relationship had been a long distance one for those for years. He would visit 3-4 times a year 2 to 4 weeks at a time....
He and I get along great, so there is no issue there. My wife and I have been together 17 years and of course for those 17 years, have always slept in the same room together.
But back to the original question. How does my wife decide who she will sleep with on any given night. Do poly triads have a system on deciding what nights the "hinge of a V" sleeps in whose room?
Currently, my wife and I share a bedroom and he has a room of his own. I am completely fine with her sleeping in his room on certain nights and in our room on certain nights. Just curious how others have worked it out.
The characters in another chapter we call life!
T - Wife - Poly
J - Husband Poly
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Old 02-28-2014, 08:34 PM
Sandy2u Sandy2u is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 8

We have a schedule. I have 2 nights with her, 2 with him, 2 by myself, and 1 with all of us, on a weekly basis. We would all spend every night together but our kids are still young and seek us out in the middle of the night.
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Old 03-01-2014, 12:03 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Honestly you just decide based on respecting everyones needs. My gf doesn't need as much bed time with me, so we try to sleep togeher 2 nights a week. However sometimes, due to travel, colds, etc.. that doesn't work out. Some weeks, rarely, its 3 nights.

Most of the time we wing it, and don't have expectations because life just gets in the way sometimes.
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Old 03-01-2014, 12:11 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,836

We don't have a schedule. I always sleep in the bed (we only have one - it is king-size). The boys are free to join me, or not depending on their desires and schedules. I sleep in the "middle" and they have their own sides. Anyone who doesn't want to be crowded can sleep on the couch.

When Lotus is over, she is free to sleep in the bed as well. We usually end up as MFMF when there are four in the bed. MrS always sleeps on his side and next to me. I kick a lot when I'm sleeping so Lotus uses Dude as a "buffer"...but I think she likes to be in the middle after I get up.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 03-01-2014, 02:19 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 545

I prefer to sleep alone for the most part. Richard and I sleep together one to two nights a week. Lee occasionally spends the night with me- about four times a year. I also sleep with a straight female friend of mine when she joins me at the beach which is starting to be 3 to 4 nights a month. Although she and I play together (as in swinger activity) and we are sexual with one another when with men or couples but we are not sexual when we are alone together however we do enjoy sleeping together. She has gotten to be an important person in my life!

Richard sleeps with one of his partners about two nights a week and his other partner about twice a month.

It is good to get feedback from others, however what works for you guys may be totally different from anything anyone else is doing! That's one of the things I love about poly- it is totally customizable!
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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Old 03-01-2014, 02:57 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

There was never a schedule. I slept where I was comfortable and wanted to. When I was at home, I slept in my bed. My career meant not sleeping in my bed most nights, so I took the opportunity to sleep there and next to my DH. My spouse was strongly opposed to my ex being in our bed, so it never happened. If she slept over, she stayed in one of the guest bedrooms. I usually stayed until she went to sleep but never the whole night. I doubt this would work for others.

Idealist is right. The beauty is that it is customisable. In your household, it might change every night or week. It is one of those fluid things. Hell, I say just go with it.
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Old 03-01-2014, 04:03 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,724

I split my time between two houses. On the rare occasion Murf is spending the night in the home I share with Butch I sleep with Murf. I sleep much better with Murf than Butch despite my being with Butch longer.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 03-01-2014, 04:58 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I don't sleep in GG's room at night if Maca is home. But, Maca leaves at 5:30am for work and GG doesn't even get home from work until almost 2am. So I will go to GG's room and cuddle with him in the morning after Maca goes to work.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 03-01-2014, 08:00 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,435

I didn't realize how many people don't sleep with their live-in partners. Hmm. Another one of those "I've been doing it because society told me to" things. I'm used to sleeping alone because Gralson usually works out of town, but when he's home for extended periods I start to miss having the bed to myself. I wish we had another bed because he can be a thrasher and I sometimes have trouble falling asleep. Usually not the end of the world since I just sleep longer in the morning, but sometimes I have to be up early and be coherent and it would be nice to have an alternative. Something to think about when we get around to buying a bigger house...
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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