I'm now in Home Country. I've seen plenty of friends and family, which has been really nice. I miss my partners and Dream City a lot, but it has been a good thing to do things by myself for a while. I've skyped with rory, Evan and Hank, but not very long or often.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend and I can't get it out of my head. After it I started to think that maybe I'm a bit too independent and cynical in my relationships. Do I need my partners? I don't think I do. I want to be with them. I've always thought this is a good thing. My friend talked about her past relationships and what has gone wrong in them. She believes she has made her partners "useless" by being so independent and un-needy, which in turn has made the partner in question feel not needed or very important. She knows there's a big risk in relying on someone but thinks she wants to do that the next time she's in a relationship. She wants to need her partner more. I don't know if I'm being realistic or cynical when I think that most relationships end at some point and you shouldn't give too much of yourself to anyone else. I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'd want to break up with someone but I can't because I'm too dependent on them. Is that a bad thing? Am I protecting myself too much? Could I get more out of my relationships emotionally if I just trusted people more, gave them more of myself and relied on them more?
Living with Hank (partner) and rory
(ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray