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  #21  
Old 01-30-2010, 06:03 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default Miss K comes to visit

Catfish and I are having K over for dinner tonight and we're both really looking forward to it. I'm making a chicken and we're going to have a fire and drink some wine and talk; maybe go to a show later on.

I have had some anxiety about this date but mostly because she is staying overnight as it would be silly for her to go the 2.5 hours home afterward. Mostly, though, I feel really good doing everything I can to make her feel welcome in our home, and I am looking forward to the chance for us to all normalize a bit with each other- to finally all be physically in a room together, comfortable and hopefully able to talk face-to-face about things.

K's friend died yesterday, unfortunately, so I want to hug her even more than I did before, which was a lot.

C and I are doing great telling each other what our feelings are regarding K and I'm really proud of us- I feel really privileged to be in his life, and to have such a beautiful love connection with him that has allowed us to get to this point with each other. We are totally agreed that K is someone we want in our family, however that may play out, and we are both excited to get to spend some time with her, try to make her laugh, hug the crap out of her, and just enjoy ourselves.

Yes, I'm nervous, but I suspect that will all fade away when she walks in the door.

The biggest victory I'm feeling right now is that I'm not so afraid of myself, because I know I've said everything that's on my heart to C, and I know that K is not my rival. I am realizing that the fear of my reaction to any one of the infinite possibilities of situations I could dream up and worry over comes from a feeling of not being understood or valued. I feel very loved and valued today, and I have made sure that I am understood by C, so the fear has no hold on me. I am not afraid at all, I just feel open- open heart, open arms, open mind. I am safe and I have taken responsibility for getting to this safe place. It's cold outside but it's warm in my home today.
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  #22  
Old 01-31-2010, 03:26 AM
Sandy Sandy is offline
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Default Have fun!

It sounds like everyone may have some nervousness in such a situation. Good for you for discussing all of your feelings with C. I admit that I often feel like my boyfriend's prospects are competition to me. It sounds like you took your fear and explored it and now understand it. You are a brave woman, you will reap the benefits.
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  #23  
Old 02-01-2010, 06:05 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post

The biggest victory I'm feeling right now is that I'm not so afraid of myself, because I know I've said everything that's on my heart to C,
This is great Rarechild You guys are inspiring. Take care

Peace and Love
Mono
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  #24  
Old 02-01-2010, 06:07 AM
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Default All I want to do is swear right now

The first twenty-six hours were not without challenges, but I was so proud of myself and my husband and valuable, wonderful things were happening. It was hour twenty-seven when everything got fucked up.

I am sad and hurt and can't wait to be able to sleep on it and hopefully feel better tomorrow. Right now I can't sleep and can't cuddle into my husband who is sleeping soundly next to me, because it makes me cry again.
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  #25  
Old 02-01-2010, 06:10 AM
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Oh Rarechild, I am sorry to hear this Get some rest, regroup and feel free to call on Redpepper, Polynerdist and myself at any time through any medium.

Take care
Mono
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  #26  
Old 02-01-2010, 09:41 AM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
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Hopefully you've managed to get to sleep, and hopefully you'll wake up with a bit more distance from yesterday. And then hopefully mutually beneficial resolutions will blossom from the roots that you both have been so dutifully spreading out.
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  #27  
Old 02-01-2010, 05:47 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default Thanks

Thanks for the kind words. I feel the love. I'll write more later when I get my head on straight.
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"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
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I love Catfish and Charlie.
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  #28  
Old 02-02-2010, 01:51 AM
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Holding you all in warm thoughts and wishes .... Betting it all works out in the direction of dazzling goodness.

Exhuasted, myself. (Not much sleep last night.) But wanting to announce my own new love: eight plus acres south thirty miles .... Potential small community land. Land with bald eagle and bosque (look it up) a short walk away ... sandhill cranes, earthworms, a river .... Cottonwood tree hugged me back and silently welcomed me to the neighborhood.

Feeling and thinking into this fear we all have about any sort of love. Peeling back to where the love is, regardless of fear. Knowing that as the true root and branches of love.
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  #29  
Old 02-02-2010, 07:30 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default How am I not myself?

thanks all for being supportive. River- your new love sounds amazing- keep us updated on that one.
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"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan


I love Catfish and Charlie.

Last edited by Rarechild; 02-03-2010 at 05:22 AM. Reason: over-emoting in public
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  #30  
Old 02-02-2010, 07:52 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I am definitely lost here.
I can't even come up with the words to express myself in this. I feel for you and C. Never doubt that you are both incredibly strong, stronger than I could be in that journey.

Take care Rarechild
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