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Old 07-17-2013, 05:24 PM
madeintexas806 madeintexas806 is offline
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Post Hello from the Texas Panhandle

Hello fellow polys. Lets get straight to the point. I am a 38 f married to a 28 male. See we have done the poly thing but I am not really sure we really fit into that category. See we have looked and looked but yet to find that other special person. We have had our shares of threesomes and all that but my problem is...Our last girl,she lived with us. I loved it. To me we had the best of all worlds. We all 3 worked and at the end of the day we came home and was a family. All slept together. She used to tell us how this lifestyle was perfect. Well her kids stole our gun and got caught with it,so of course she moved out and out of town. The thing is we have not been able to find anyone since her worth our time. I miss the other girl. But anyways my question is.... What is the best way to approach someone. I think we are going about this the wrong way. I get so mad at my husband because he sends messages on craigslist. All that is on there is trash.

So I guess I will tell a little about us. We are everyday people who just live life as normal as we can. He works a full time job and then has a personal business on the weekends. I stay home with our 3 year old and take care of the home front.

I really hope to meet some other people here we can become friends with and chat. Wishing everyone luck in their searches =)
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  #2  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:28 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings madeintexas806,
Welcome to our forum.

I always recommend friendships (platonic) first, that way you can "come out as poly" before any dating enters the question.

Sorry to hear your last poly relationship came to an end. Hopefully you'll meet someone else who'll be just as ideal.

If we can help on Polyamory.com, let us know. Post your questions and concerns as they come up.

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:59 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Actually I don't think you have done anything "wrong", just keep yourself open to whats possible. Sounds like you have had what you wanted, it just ended (which usually sucks).

Personally, I don't make friends and then lovers. Or at least its rare, for me the sexual component always comes first. My wife, for example, I picked up in a bar, and was supposed to have a 2 week stint of sex with. 13 or so year later and we are still together. I make connections via strong sexual components.

Limiting how you meet people is where I see the bulk of the problem in poly. I look at poly like any normal relationship. In fact my quad is really just a family, not labelled, or dramatic.. just a plain old group of people who happen to have some degree of involvement with each other. I treat how I meet people and what I do with them EXACTLY like when I was single or "swinging" (I only say swinging because I got my start as a relatively successful unicorn hunter looking for sex). That way I am not outside of my comfort zone and enjoy the interaction. That confidence is what has always helped me.

All the extras were a wash for me. OKC sucked, fetlife sucked.. I do better in person meet and greet style. Its my strength. too much emphasis it put on how different poly is.. when in reality, its just a relationship or series of relationships in some really fun structures.

Welcome to the forums.
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:09 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Are you looking for sex or love? It's not clear to me.
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  #5  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:33 PM
madeintexas806 madeintexas806 is offline
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Post Understanding

Ariakas thank you so much for helping me understand the meeting people. It has been really hard for us and I know this kind of lifestyle is not for everyone. I mean when we do tell people we live this kind of lifestyle they seem to turn away and think we are just crazy. But I guess living in a small well rounded sorta city it isn't going to be easy for us at all. The search will continue

Nycindie...We are looking for friendship first and then see where that leads. We are longing for that love relationship. Like the Sister Wives say...Love is to be multiplied not devided. We have so much to offer. I know someday we will find someone who has the same mind set as us. I mean I guess you can say we are kinda picky. We both have an agreement that we both have to be on the same page with that other person. We both feel that it cant be just one sided on any parts. What is your advice on my post?

Everyone have a wonderful evening...
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  #6  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:35 PM
madeintexas806 madeintexas806 is offline
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Post Thank you all

Oh and BTW...Wanted to thank you all for the responses...Yall are all so very nice.
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  #7  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madeintexas806 View Post
Ariakas thank you so much for helping me understand the meeting people. It has been really hard for us and I know this kind of lifestyle is not for everyone. I mean when we do tell people we live this kind of lifestyle they seem to turn away and think we are just crazy. But I guess living in a small well rounded sorta city it isn't going to be easy for us at all. The search will continue
..
I work at DFW sometimes. Great place, great people.. but definitely a little old school.

I have had numerous offers of affairs (girl at every port kind of thing) but when they find out I am open and honest, they walk away. Its borderline comical. Considering my lack of interest anyways, the rejection was barely that. I usually use it as a polite no thanks..
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:46 PM
madeintexas806 madeintexas806 is offline
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You now we seem to get a lot of that...Pic for Pic but the minute they find out we are Polys they run...And they say they are open minded...I think not. I have not really looked outside of this little city but I am surfing the web to see what I fine...I must agree with you...Fetlife was a joke. OMG I seen things on there I had never seen before and further more the definitions of words I could not understand. I think that site was way out of my league..
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