Thoughts from a 2013 Newbie
My husband and I wanted to keep track of all the huge changes (good and bad) to our lives lately. I thought this would be an excellent place to do so.
Our background - Husband is 35, I'm 31. We have four kids between us - my three stepsons and our son together. I have been interested in poly for many years but my husband wasn't and so I put it aside and decided it would never happen.
A month ago my husband I were having a frank discussion about his ex wife. We've been trying to get her to move out our way for a long time. She lives in a....less than desirable town and we live out in the country. The kids are involved in sports out here and have great friends, we own a house, etc. It's settled and lovely out here. The discussion led to said ex wife having feelings for my husband still and me asking him if he ever thought about his feelings for her. Previously my husband (Neverwhere on here) felt that he should just shut off any feelings that didn't suit him. As a result he was either happy or angry, not really much in between. But this past year he has made a lot of changes and so when the idea of poly involving his ex wife came up...we felt it was worth the discussion.
A few weeks ago (the 20th of June, I think) they went on their first date. She was very excited about it, he had a lot of fun, and they discovered they get along much better as secondaries than primaries. She and I, meanwhile, used to hate each other but over the past two years have actually become pretty decent friends. It was a LONG road.
My brother-in-law also lives with us and I don't know if it's possible to consider yourself in a non-sexual poly relationship, but I guess we might be. We're best friends, would date if it weren't so awkward for my husband, and have accepted and appreciate that we have a really awesome friendship where we like to spend time together separate from my husband and his ex wife.
This past Friday the ex wife (going to have to think of a nickname for her, but for now let's call her Amanda) called me crying and saying that she was getting kicked out of her apartment. We knew for months that the place was being condemned but we all thought she had another month before she had to be out. Neverwhere and I discussed it and decided the best thing to do would be to move Amanda into our spare room. The kids could see their mom every day and as for the poly stuff...we'd figure it out.
So Saturday we got a uhaul, moved all her stuff into our garage and spare room, and she's been here 3 nights now with no issues. We share the cooking and cleaning responsibilities, got the kids onto the same rules they've always had here, plus some extras from her house, and she and Neverwhere still had a date night last night while I watched movies with my BIL.
This is not permanent. We can't share the same kitchen forever. BUT... we have a garage that would make a great two bedroom apartment for her. We are going to go ahead with that. It will take a couple months, but we are very excited about this.
There is a lot of new stress with this situation obviously. On top of it, I started dating a man last week whom I met when he very sweetly hit on me at a store. He is mono right now but very open to poly lifestyle. It's been quite the journey in a small amount of time. But we feel like it was almost meant to happen this way. We are helping Amanda out, we have our family all in one place, and things are going great. I know there will be fights along the way, but I'm hoping this is the norm for us instead of just ... a natural "high on life" sort of situation.
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.