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  #51  
Old 02-03-2013, 08:12 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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When Wendigo and I first got involved we were 100% in the closet. To the point where at a pool party with friends, he actually lowered his voice and asked if we were so far in the closet that he couldn't get a hug good bye. . . . to which I replied, ofcourse you get a hug. (I hug everyone; alot.) Over the last 3 1/2 years, this has evolved. First it was just a few friends who noticed and we decided it was okay to confirm to them that we were involved. When his wife, Pretty Lady, decided to join for a while, we became a quad and another friend was brought into the know, as well as his fiance. We are now at a place where we have decided that we don't care who notices, as it isn't any of their business. We decided that it was best not to tell our extended families or his teenage son. (Pretty sure Runic Wolf's and my son knows something is up, but doesn't care). Due to the nature of my job, I don't discuss my relationship with his as anything but best friends with my co-workers. But all of our regular social circle is aware and supportive. We have a strict "No Drama" policy in one of our hobbies, so in that instance, we just don't bring it up, draw extra attention to it, etc. But we don't hide it either.
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  #52  
Old 03-07-2013, 11:38 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Default a beautiful thing

I am also part of a quad. As couples our friendships started as neighbors, then friends, then best friends, then we hung out together all the time. Last year something happened no one expected and since its has been a blur. Both marriages solidly monogamous and now... not so monogamous (polyfidelous). Until a few weeks ago I had no idea what Polyamory even was!!! LOL OUr situation can only be described as "beautiful", full of ups and downs but built with love and trust. Being neighbors has many advantages... gives us the closeness we all want and the privacy we sometimes need. We have the same problem we are always together even with our extended families... we cannot come out in public either. To protect each other its best to keep it a secret but its not easy... once small innocent mistake is all it takes.
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  #53  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:41 AM
tree166 tree166 is offline
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Default Holidays

For those of you that only live with one of your partners, how do you handle holidays? I'm talking about the major ones, like Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus, birthdays, New Year's Eve, etc.

My partner and I aren't out to our families (for moral/religious reasons) so it becomes a bit of a hassle either explaining why one or the other of us isn't at Christmas dinner, or attempting to include our other partners in the family events. I'm just curious how the rest of you approach it.
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  #54  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:52 AM
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Currently live with both partners-but even when we didn't-we spent holidays together.

As for extended family-I can't do closets. So we are out to everyone and they can take it or leave it but we're family. So we don't segregate for other peoples personal ease.
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  #55  
Old 07-16-2013, 03:03 AM
tree166 tree166 is offline
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At this point we're in the closet more for our own comfort than everyone else's. My extended family especially is relentless, judgmental and hold utterly archaic views on basically everything. They've only just gotten over the fact that I'm sharing my life with someone of a different race, and it's been 3 years of constant scrutiny. I just don't think I can take it, so we take the easy way out. Call me a coward, but I figure it's better than assaulting Great-Uncle Bob over dessert for calling me a trollop and encouraging the family to disown me. That's totally how I see the eventual coming out going down.
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  #56  
Old 07-16-2013, 03:40 AM
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Neither dh or I celebrate holidays.
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  #57  
Old 07-16-2013, 04:39 AM
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My closest family is 10 hours away. So it has been just hubby me and the kids for years.

Murf will come do the holiday thing here with hubby at the house. Then we go to Murf's family for more festivities with him hubby doesn't go. Hubby usually has to work most holidays anyway. Murf is mono and we are not out to his family.
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  #58  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tree166 View Post
I just don't think I can take it, so we take the easy way out. Call me a coward, but I figure it's better than assaulting Great-Uncle Bob over dessert for calling me a trollop and encouraging the family to disown me.
Hopefully some day you will decide it is not healthy to suffer bigots in your life. Until then you get to play by whatever idiotic rules they make up.

I am who I am and anyone who wants to abuse me for it just spent their last moment in the same room with me. Leaning on titles like "family" does exactly nothing to deter me from scraping bigots like that from my boots.
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  #59  
Old 07-16-2013, 06:30 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Hopefully some day you will decide it is not healthy to suffer bigots in your life. Until then you get to play by whatever idiotic rules they make up.

I am who I am and anyone who wants to abuse me for it just spent their last moment in the same room with me. Leaning on titles like "family" does exactly nothing to deter me from scraping bigots like that from my boots.
This.
I don't accept that someone sharing my blood or marrying into my family gives them the privilege of abusing me. Period.

Which in turn-clears up A LOT of these time issues I notice. When I don't wander around trying to keep my preferences secret, I don't have to worry about when I get to see those special people in my life-I can see them any time I want (assuming they are available).
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  #60  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tree166 View Post
My partner and I aren't out to our families (for moral/religious reasons) so it becomes a bit of a hassle either explaining why one or the other of us isn't at Christmas dinner, or attempting to include our other partners in the family events. I'm just curious how the rest of you approach it.
I understand not being "out" to family, especially when they have strong religious leanings, BUT I would never stand for separating partners to spare other peoples feelings. If they aren't willing to open their home to the people you love (nobody needs to know about your sex life - non of their business anyway), they don't deserve your presence. Same goes if they can't be kind and polite.

Just because mom has had her way for 20 years and managed to bully her way into having "just family" or a specific date all these years, doesn't mean she's not being a selfish bitch, just that she has figured out how to effectively manipulate the rest of the family. I have mono couples that go through grief if they don't spend a specific holiday at a specific relatives house on a specific day, everyone else be damned. Pisses me off.

It's real simple. Mom calls and says dinner is at 4pm on X day. You say great, We will be bringing ABC, is that alright (do not spring this on her last minute or unannounced - ask when invited)? If she says no, I want it just "family". You say, I'm sorry you feel that way. We can't make it, but why don't you guys come to our house on the following day. Then spend the holiday with ABC and anyone else you wish.

I just don't get it - our house has always been open to people inviting a friend or two for the holidays. Seriously, how many people run out of food when they are hosting a big holiday meal? Guaranteed, most people could add 3-4 more people and still have some left overs. If adding another person is a hardship, then offer to bring (or pay for) more food.
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being in the closet, being out, family, foresome, holidays, quad, time management, work

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