Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 02-02-2010, 04:22 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 149
Default To be open or not to be

This issue has been weighing more heavily on my mind lately and I'm totally undecided on the issue. My triad with my hubby of 13 years and bf of 6 months is doing really well. We are 'out' to a handful of friends only and the issue hasn't really come up with any other people, including family. I don't have a desire to complicate our lives with having to defend or explain our situation to people, I think it's private really.
However, when I'm out with my bf, we don't hide our relationship at all. We hold hands and kiss and act like any other couple. There is a big 'risk' of someone seeing us and assuming that I'm cheating on my husband. Could have already happened and they just haven't approached either of us yet.

This is my question, do we have an obligation to be up front and open, or is it fair to just have our relationship 'as is' and let people approach us if they have a concern or question? Is it fair to 'flaunt' it, inviting misunderstanding, possibly upsetting people? On the other hand, it's not neccessarily anyone's business. If they were to approach either me or my hubby out of concern for our marriage, then there would some kind of explanation.

I wouldn't even know how to broach the subject, how do you even just bring it up out of the blue with someone? "Hi Mom, I have a boyfriend."

I guess I'm looking for the pro's and con's of being open. There are going to be people who understand, or at least try to. Then there's other people who are just not going to accept it and judge it as evil, and those people won't have a place in our lives.

I guess I tend to be rather passive in general so I don't want to have to bring this up with people. I would much rather have people bring it to me to then explain. I don't know how 'healthy' that is though.

Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:23 AM.