Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-02-2010, 03:45 AM
VernalBliss's Avatar
VernalBliss VernalBliss is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 6
Default A piece of me

All of a sudden I find myself in a world that never even existed to me. A situation started purely for sexual satisfaction for myself has turned into something I never imagined. I have fallen in love with a married couple. I have never felt so comfortable or right in my life. That alone scares me to death because shouldn’t this feel wrong?

I continue on and one day she asks me to be their girlfriend and I am so delighted. I am so happy, so of course I say yes. I want this like nothing else. Even when they ask me to be committed to them and only them; I agree. Until that moment I was lost in wonderment about this situation. When they asked me to commit to them that is what made me hungry for knowledge. So I goggled and read and read some more. I had no idea this polyamorous life existed.

It’s been about 2 months of being committed and we have had our discussions and one brief situation that took all three of us really talking to sort out everyone’s feelings. I’ve told a few friends and I’ve had good responses as well as hurtful ones like I am their toy and why would you go into something like this when you walk away alone. Of course it’s hurtful and makes me question everything. Of course I am scared and I don’t want to get hurt, but this feels so right to me. I tell myself even monogamous relationships come with risks and I should enjoy the present and not worry. They assure me that they’re in this for the long haul and I have become very important in their life. They both are great to me.

Since this is so new and since not many are open to the idea I am filled with questions and it sometimes feel like nobody to talk to. Sometimes I just want to be heard and talk things out like any other friendship, but I feel like because they don’t exactly approve I can’t complain because that makes them right. But in all actuality all relationships have things to talk out, but it doesn’t make them bad. This has been the easiest yet most complex situation I have ever been involved in.

I guess this is a bit of my story. I am glad I found this group and if anyone has any questions or advice I’d love to hear it. Forgive me if I sound na´ve or I use the wrong terms or whatever. Again I am very new to all this even the concept. Thanks for reading.

Last edited by VernalBliss; 02-04-2010 at 03:27 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-02-2010, 03:53 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing this
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-02-2010, 05:13 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,864
Default

Welcome, and great story...thanks
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-02-2010, 01:31 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Sounds like you found a good place for you - welcome - there's tons to read here about other people's experiences with this lovestyle - ask whatever questions you wish.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-02-2010, 02:42 PM
MrSteve's Avatar
MrSteve MrSteve is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 19
Default

Hi, Welcome to the forum.

I had something very much like your experience happen to me and it was one of the best things in my life.

I'm married and have a nice wife, though we had some rough periods and during one of these there was a woman in Texas I'd begun spending a lot of time with on-line.

I knew her for about a year and a half (I outlasted two of her boyfriends) and even my wife became friendly with her, but it became sad for me because there seemed to be no "happy ending" - she lived far away and to see her meant to leave my wife and family alone ... and to not see her was just tearing me up, but one day she suggested coming to live with us ... now that was a beautiful thought It took months of talking with my wife to show her that it wouldn't be all bad for her either and eventually we both went to meet her.

We stayed there for 10 days and I was surprised how well everyone got along (like I said, my wife had already been talking with her some and they'd already been friendly and my wife had even been sympathetic to her for various reasons).

Ultimately, she never did come to live with us largely due to long-distance miscommunication and difficulty for her, but it ended up bringing me and my wife closer together ... and showed there's a better way to do things than the stereotype of how things are suppose to be.

Thank you for sharing your experiences here and I the best for all of you
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-03-2010, 05:34 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VernalBliss View Post
All of a sudden I find myself in a world that never even existed to me. ...................
I have never felt so comfortable or right in my life. That alone scares me to death because shouldn’t this feel wrong?
What an absolutely beautiful story ! Thank you SO much for sharing this with everyone !

It "should" feel wrong because we have been programmed that happiness and contentment are dangerous. It gives us more of a feeling of freedom. And if you are free you are harder to control ! And if you can't be controlled you are a threat.

But as your heart - and even head - are telling you - it FEELS right. And, at least for now, based on what you have shared, it IS right - for all of you ! And it's beautiful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VernalBliss;
Of course it’s hurtful and makes me question everything. Of course I am scared and I don’t want to get hurt, but this feels so right to me.
AND.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by VernalBliss;
I tell myself even monogamous relationships come with risks and I should enjoy the present and not worry. They assure me that they’re in this for the long haul and I have become very important in their life. They both are great to me.
Life comes with risks ! Right ?
But people come (and sometimes go) in and out of our lives for reasons we sometimes don't understand. But the reasons are important. There's wisdom there waiting for us to embrace.
So if it were me (and it has been) I would embrace this, savor it, celebrate it but NOT cling to it. It is what it is - today - and it's beautiful and special. In one sense it will always be eternal. In earth/human time there's no projecting. But that can't diminish it's importance & beauty - unless you choose to.
Don't try to "possess" it - just flow with it and be happy.

GS
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-03-2010, 07:01 PM
VernalBliss's Avatar
VernalBliss VernalBliss is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 6
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post

Life comes with risks ! Right ?
But people come (and sometimes go) in and out of our lives for reasons we sometimes don't understand. But the reasons are important. There's wisdom there waiting for us to embrace.
So if it were me (and it has been) I would embrace this, savor it, celebrate it but NOT cling to it. It is what it is - today - and it's beautiful and special. In one sense it will always be eternal. In earth/human time there's no projecting. But that can't diminish it's importance & beauty - unless you choose to.
Don't try to "possess" it - just flow with it and be happy.

GS
Thank you so much for this reply! That's exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the moment.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-03-2010, 11:19 PM
MrSteve's Avatar
MrSteve MrSteve is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 19
Default

I wanted to thank you again, VernalBliss for sharing with us (ok me!) your story and emotions. It's nice to "see" things from your perspective and you put a smile on my face for certain and helped give me a better picture of what I'm looking for also

There have been opportunities for me to be involved with someone else but I've passed a lot of those by and I think I know partly why ... my wife really is a big part of my life and is a great lady in many ways - your story stuck (and the beautiful sentiments) in my head and a couple days ago it really hit me what that "ideal" is that I'm looking for (there was a book I was reading too along similar lines) and basically it's just someone else who can be a part of my life and love my wife and family too ... just that "big happy family" - I don't want to subtract or throw away what's already there, but just add to it, grow it, share it etc. and not cut things into pieces or exclude parts etc. ... Spaghetti AND meatballs, not Spaghetti OR meatballs

Thanks for the inspiration!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-04-2010, 12:53 AM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

VB,

Thanks for sharing your story! My own view is that "dating" a couple is very much like "dating" an individual. Some are great, some not so great, and some very not so good. So risk is risk is risk, as far as I can tell. You just need to discover which sort you've got -- and I wish you the best.

As a side-note, would you please use the edit function to insert paragraph breaks into your opening (and future) post/s? It makes reading much easier! Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-04-2010, 12:57 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,864
Default

I just wanted to re-iterate a thanks. I keep coming back to this to re-read as it is something my wife and I would like in our lives. It gives me some degree of hope that this dream of ours might be able to work.

thanks
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:51 AM.