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  #11  
Old 07-14-2013, 01:06 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Or is it since they opened up she should have specified that he did not have carte blanche that it wasn't cheating.
I'm not sure if this is directed at me but I'll answer it just in case.

As the OP pointed out, there was some sloppy communication going on with both of them. In this particular case it just seems like there were some expectations present which weren't clearly expressed so people were just going with their gut. As it turns out, the gut reaction was not what the other partner had in mind and there were hurt feelings for everyone involved. It sucks, but it happens and in the case of the OP it sounds like she intends to not make the same mistakes (which is really the best reaction we can have).

Based on the information given, I wouldn't consider what happened here cheating, just bad communication of expectations. The important thing is to consider how reasonable each persons expectations are and to examine how well they line up with what the other person wants to do.

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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Is wanting a courtesy heads up being insecure?
I'm not a head shrink, I really don't have these answers. Personally I think that if someone needs to adjust their actions for my emotional state then I have offloaded responsibility for my own feelings onto them. This is not appropriate in my world. My world has a very low population, but I think reason is on my side when I say that the approach of dealing with ones own issues will foster more healthy relationships.
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  #12  
Old 07-14-2013, 08:27 AM
urth urth is offline
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As the OP pointed out, there was some sloppy communication going on with both of them. In this particular case it just seems like there were some expectations present which weren't clearly expressed so people were just going with their gut. As it turns out, the gut reaction was not what the other partner had in mind and there were hurt feelings for everyone involved. It sucks, but it happens and in the case of the OP it sounds like she intends to not make the same mistakes (which is really the best reaction we can have).

Based on the information given, I wouldn't consider what happened here cheating, just bad communication of expectations. The important thing is to consider how reasonable each persons expectations are and to examine how well they line up with what the other person wants to do.

I agree and thanks for this Markus...makes it all feel much clearer...I don't feel it was ACTUALLY cheating just really bad communication from both our sides and seeing it from that perspective makes it much easier to forge on ahead.
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  #13  
Old 07-14-2013, 08:29 AM
urth urth is offline
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Originally Posted by urth View Post
As the OP pointed out, there was some sloppy communication going on with both of them. In this particular case it just seems like there were some expectations present which weren't clearly expressed so people were just going with their gut. As it turns out, the gut reaction was not what the other partner had in mind and there were hurt feelings for everyone involved. It sucks, but it happens and in the case of the OP it sounds like she intends to not make the same mistakes (which is really the best reaction we can have).

Based on the information given, I wouldn't consider what happened here cheating, just bad communication of expectations. The important thing is to consider how reasonable each persons expectations are and to examine how well they line up with what the other person wants to do.
I agree and thanks for this Markus...makes it all feel much clearer...I don't feel it was ACTUALLY cheating just really bad communication from both our sides and seeing it from that perspective makes it much easier to forge on ahead.
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  #14  
Old 07-14-2013, 08:30 AM
urth urth is offline
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sorry guys...I'm still getting the hang of using this forum...be patient with my ef ups please
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