StitchwitchD, I think your last paragraph probably sums up where things are at right now. Although she's been with this guy for 4 months (and I've known 2 weeks), I'm hoping she's still in that NRE that every talks about, and that's making it as hard as it's been for her to let go of him. They've corresponded via email a couple times in the past week, however she's still lying to me that they have had zero communication. What's best for me, if she continues to "relapse" and keep communicating or even worse if she sees him face to face, is that things between us end. I can't stand the lying, I can't stand the suspicion and I can't stand the lack of trust. I won't put myself through it. What's best for the kids (besides of course this never happening), I believe, is for my wife to see them as little as possible, yet on a some type of schedule, such as a few weekends/month. I can't stand the thought, and I worry about the kids, of her new boyfriend/lover being around the kids and the kids seeing them being affectionate towards each other.
But fear we're losing focus here and no longer talking about anything that has to do with your forum.