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  #551  
Old 07-12-2013, 01:51 AM
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Bananas in Pyjamas. *cringe* The run just ended about two weeks ago. The reruns come on seven days a week. Fortunately, DH watches it with them. It comes on about 30 minutes after he walks in the house. Payback.

I texted my little brother about Boohbah, and he asked, "Who wants to remember it?" Sums it up nicely.

The Nick, Jr. shows drive me crazy. Max and Ruby (Ruby and her little brother Max--scream), Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go, The Wonder Pets (theme song irks me), and Blues Clues (a clue!). I like the little song from Bubble Guppies. She asked me to sing it with her this morning.

She likes the tweeny shows, too. iCarly, Victorious, Big Time Rush, ANT Farm, Good Luck Charlie (actually like this one), and a few others.

I can tolerate Disney and its junior channel. Sofia the First is not that bad. Doc McStuffins is not bad. The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is tolerable.

The Wiggles had a show last weekend, and I knew about it. I did not tell my DH or my daughter. I could not stand the thought of sitting through The Wiggles. I cannot get that stupid song by The Wiggles out of my head. I do not even know the name of it, but goodness, I know it is annoying. Something about a dog. We took them to the circus instead.

I should not have said anything about the Teletubbies because as I am typing this, they are on. I know they come on during the small hours of the AM, but fortunately my little ones are sleep then. Bananas in Pyjamas comes on the same channel. SMH. Ughhh.

Imagination Movers was much better than most shows. I could deal with that one.
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  #552  
Old 07-12-2013, 02:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Definitely tell Matt about the email. Let him decide how much detail he wants, but let him know that you got an email, but haven't responded yet, but likely will (because you know you will).
I will tell him at some point. Maybe on the way to counselling this afternoon. The moment was never quite right. We went on a breakfast date before he went to work, and things were going quite smoothly. It must be done, though.

I am not sure I am going to respond. It warrants a response, but I am not quite sure I should respond. I am going to think about it a little longer. I am not sure it would be a good idea, and if I have doubts, that generally means it is a bad idea.
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  #553  
Old 07-12-2013, 02:39 AM
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Just wondering what the right moment is... It's not easy bringing up something that could be a mood-changer, but holding it in while you wait for the right moment can be perceived like you're hesitating to talk about it at all, not just waiting for the right moment.

Why not just spit it out instead of carrying it with you?
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  #554  
Old 07-12-2013, 03:42 AM
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Anything involving my ex is an instant mood killer. Sometimes it is just not worth the headache or worth ruining a perfectly happy morning. At that moment, it was not worth it.
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  #555  
Old 07-12-2013, 04:10 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Try dancing with your daughter. My kids love it; we can be totally free and spontaneous and silly and it invariably puts everyone in a good mood. I suggest it sometimes precisely because someone needs to get out of a funk. And you can use it to expose her to different types of music too.
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  #556  
Old 07-12-2013, 04:38 AM
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Ugh, my youngest is such a girly irl and loved Boohbas. I finally couldn't take it and introduced her to the old cartoon Jem and Holograms, she gobbled it up! Then we moved onto a bunch of classics, found Reading Rainbow, the Mister Rogers mix song, and He Man and She ra. Now they are all into Sherlock and Who and OUAT.
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  #557  
Old 07-12-2013, 10:00 AM
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Ugh, my youngest is such a girly irl and loved Boohbas. I finally couldn't take it and introduced her to the old cartoon Jem and Holograms, she gobbled it up! Then we moved onto a bunch of classics, found Reading Rainbow, the Mister Rogers mix song, and He Man and She ra. Now they are all into Sherlock and Who and OUAT.
Older cartoons and shows as a whole are classics. I will take the Looney Tunes, Scooby Doo, and Rugrats over most of this newer stuff.

Reading Rainbow was a superb show. I love how they have an app now. I do not want my children to be tech junkies, but I will make an exception for something educational. It is neat because we can track how many books she has read or listened to. It has an option where she can select "Read to Me" or "Read by Myself." She definitely utilises it, and we also purchased a couple of volumes of the show for her to watch. It keeps her quiet and engaged. I love that she has such a keen interest in books and reading. I hope that continues.
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  #558  
Old 07-12-2013, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Try dancing with your daughter. My kids love it; we can be totally free and spontaneous and silly and it invariably puts everyone in a good mood. I suggest it sometimes precisely because someone needs to get out of a funk. And you can use it to expose her to different types of music too.
Definitely. The advantage of her being in dance classes is that she was introduced to all kinds of music. Dancing with her today was fun, and it is a shared interest. We were dancing and singing to Rascal Flatts, while we were preparing lunch. I think the name of the song was Fast Cars and Freedom. I have always loved that song, and it makes me want to dance. It was out of character for me, but I know it made her happy, so it was worth it. Aside from that, you have to be able to laugh at yourself. I am slowly loosening up, letting my hair down, and learning to have fun with her.
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  #559  
Old 07-12-2013, 11:42 AM
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Whoops... this is in response to the "hobbies" post... By the time I posted without quoting, I noticed the others...

This is one of those things I had a ginormous problem with in the beginning of my relationship with my partner. I felt I was being patted on the head dismissively and told to "go find something to do, kid."

Except, in my case, I really WAS being codependent.

Out of a 17-year marriage, my first day alone in my new house, with no kids, nobody... I flipped. Didn't know what to do with myself. Didn't know WHO I was anymore, really. THAT was my eye-opener.

Yeah, activities to keep one's self distracted are just that - distractions. I did, however, have to remember that *I* am important (and important to my partner too!), and nurturing myself is never a bad thing.

But boy, when you're not ready to hear it, or when you ARE secure in yourself and you're being told that, grrrrrrrrrr...

Last edited by YouAreHere; 07-12-2013 at 11:43 AM. Reason: Post seemed random
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  #560  
Old 07-12-2013, 01:08 PM
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I deleted it and decided to expand on it a little more.

I really do dislike when people tell people to get a hobby, join a gym, build their self-esteem, stop being co-dependent, find some friends, or do WTF ever it takes to deal with a partner being out with someone else. That caused problems after the fact, too. My DH took that idiotic advice and those things became a security blanket after the apocalypse. It was the perfect set-up for avoidance. Avoiding me, avoiding the issues at hand, avoiding confrontation in one aspect but still running in to it elsewhere, etc. Once he was the only person in my life, suddenly I had a lap full of available time. He was not willing to alter the way he had been doing things just to please me because I changed my life around. He felt like he owed nothing to me. He also felt like his life should not have to change because circumstances had changed mine. It plucked on my nerves.

You know where he was when I was alone on those nights? At the gym, with his friends, poker night, boxing, and the list goes on. Could I have spent time with friends? Absolutely. That was not what I wanted, though. I missed him and wanted to be around him. I realise how it must have been for my DH because he has said something similar.

In the beginning of the rebuilding process, my feelings regarding being alone did not matter to him. Our marriage was still being treated like a poly one, and the roles were reversed. Only it was not another partner. It also sucked to realise that he had a whole other part of life that I was not part of. He scaled back a little, and I hope that he does not take the same stance again. For the record, I never had a problem with him going out, but it was overkill. He knew I was at home, our children were gone, and he would stay out until 4-5 because when I was with her, "He did not have to check in with anybody." We had many rows over his hobbies and ways to cope. Lesson learned? Damn right.

As someone who has now been on both sides, I can say with certainty that if I miss my husband and only want to be around him, there is no hobby that I will want to do. I am not co-dependent or needy either. I know we need time apart. I just desire that connection and closeness and not everyone can fill it. It just like a craving while you are pregnant. You want whatever it is, and there is nothing else that you will settle for. I would not settle for a time filler--err unwanted hobby. I was not going to waste my energy on friends I did not want to be around at that moment. I like being alone, but I did not always want to be alone. I was not going to waste money on hobbies I had no interest in and would barely have time for. There were times while I was dating her that I only wanted to be with him, too. During those times, I rearranged some things because the heart wants what it wants. Just because the schedule said, "I am supposed to be with Si," did not mean that is what my heart wanted or even what I needed right then. Nature of the beast with non-monogamy.

You can be as secure as you want to be, love being alone, introverted, and everything else, but it will irritate your skin for someone to say, "Go find something else to do," when the one thing you want is to be with the person you care about. If someone were to tell me that, the first thing I would say is, "I do not want a damn hobby. I want my husband. The end."

I am still trying to find the positives that poly brought to my life, and I wish I knew why I was having such trouble trying to list even five positives. It has been 4.5 months, and I am still drawing a blank. If I was still clinging to the hope of resuming a relationship with my ex, it stands to reason that there had to be something positive that it brought to my life. Unfortunately, I never found it. The odd part is I can list the benefits of my current situation with ease. I have not found a single negative, yet, which is odd because we are still dealing with missing trust, unpleasant situations, and things that are not so rosy.
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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