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Old 07-11-2013, 08:49 PM
starmonkey starmonkey is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 26
Default Is poly right for me?

I have fairly simple questions to ask - although I suspect the answers might not be as simple.

How do you know if a polyamorous relationship model is right for you? Is it possible to develop the qualities needed to be successful at polyamory? For that matter, what are these qualities?

So why am I asking all of this? I'm trying to figure out if this is right for me or not. Polyamory has a huge intellectual appeal to me - it make a heck of a lot more sense than monogamy - I won't go into specifics, as I'm guessing they will be pretty obvious to anyone on this forum. Emotionally, I have found this trickier - much trickier. I was in a poly relationship for the last year that ended recently - and I am not sure if it is because I'm just not right for this, or we were just terrible at communicating. I ran into trouble when my GF started to have feelings for a guy she was seeing, and she stated to pull away from me - I started to get insecure, got jealous and had a nice totally lost it meltdown evening. Since then - she just got more and more distant, so I finally just broke things off because it was getting too painful. It seemed like we might have been able to somehow get through it, if we were able to communicate effectively, but that just didn't happen.

So since then, I've really been trying to figure out what I need, if I can do something different, or is trying this just a mistake for me, because I'm just not right for it.

I was fine when either of us were just having friendly sex; I suspect I may be emotionally monogamous (rather than sexually monogamous) - I was fine until other, outside romantic feelings arose in my GF, and I have never been in love with more than one person at a time in my life. In my normal day-to-day life I am totally secure with myself, but somehow the fear that I will loose the attention of someone I really care for triggers this huge feeling of insecurity. Is this normal - and something you just deal with, or do most of you just not feel any insecurity? Do you work on insecure feelings with your partner(s).

Is this compounded by feeling like you are being left out - once I started seeing less and less of my GF I felt really neglected, which made everything feel even worse.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Thanks in advance for any input.
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