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  #11  
Old 07-08-2013, 09:34 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Yeah, what he said.

IMO, your wife is an adult and can make her own decisions. She can date whomever she wants, and do any sort of activities on her dates she wants. Talk, take a walk, eat a meal, go dancing, or have wild kinky sex, it's her life and she knows what she wants or needs with this or that guy (or girl).

You don't get to decide whom your partner may date and what they do on their date. "Too casual?" Who cares? Does she need to be only dating SERIOUS people? OTOH, maybe she'd really like a serious bf. Well, they don't grown on trees, you know. Trust me, I've BTDT. So, until Mr Right comes along, there is lots of fun!! to be had with the more casual bf, Mr Right Now.

Unless you have serious misgivings she's not making sure her dates aren't axe murderers, that she is self destructive and putting herself at definite risk for kidnapping, rape, injury, disease, or death, I'd say, keep your nose out of her dating life and work on your own self growth. Learn that sex is a beautiful gift from... God/dess, the Universe, and not some dirty thing the nuns led you to believe (or whoever did that to you). You might need to learn sex is not dirty and bad BEFORE you are able to date.

Take a Tantra class. Masturbate more. Look at more porn, read erotica, draw pictures of people having sex. Something.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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me: Mags, female, pansexual, poly, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 37
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  #12  
Old 07-11-2013, 02:04 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maglor View Post
I'm thinking of proposing an alternative, more utilitarian boundary heuristic (rather than rule), that no partner should engage in a relationship or encounter another has more negative feelings about than they do positive, with the caveat that in the event of someone saying no a mutual effort is made to try and alleviate that negativity.

. . . Opinions? Is this a terrible idea?
It is beyond words how terrible that idea is. The only people who have a right to manage a relationship are the ones in it. Since those are not your relationships, why would you even think you have any authority over who and what she does? It's her body, her life, and those people with whom she engages are not your subjects. How would you feel if one of her paramours came up with some restriction for her to follow when she is with YOU?

Welcome to the world of grown-ups. Sometimes it's uncomfortable.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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