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Old 07-09-2013, 09:54 PM
westVan westVan is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Default Business Trip and need a kick in the A$$

I don't know what I'm hoping to get from posting this here, OK honestly I'm hoping that someone will give me a good swift kick in the a$$ and knock some sense into me -

I have a business trip coming up next week to where my ex lives. We havent seen each other since we broke up - not going to blame anyone for it because that doesnt solve anything just trying to move past it.....It's been a few months, but I am still hurting and recovering.

We've had a few e-mails back and forth but to make a long story short. I will have to see him on this trip, business reasons.

He has asked to see me privately, I said we could ALL meet for dinner (his wife included) - I can't/won't meet him alone. But he wants to come back to my hotel room to "Talk".

Someone please impart your wisdom so I can find strength not to go down that road again with him. because I'm afraid I dont have it right now.
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Old 07-09-2013, 10:18 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640

Just say no.
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Old 07-09-2013, 10:46 PM
WhatNow WhatNow is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 12

It wasn't meant to be. You guys broke it off for a reason if not several. Remember them. As masochistic as this may be, remember the pain from that break up and use it to prevent you from seeing him. You got this!
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Old 07-09-2013, 11:23 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,218

You can't /won't meet him alone. So don't. You are still hurting and recovering. Seeing him alone in your hotel room to "talk" does not improve your mental/emotional health and well being. He can push your limit, but your limit is stated. Could expect yourself to obey your own limit. Could just play the broken record.
"Sure -- we can ALL meet for dinner at (insert public space.) But no. I'm not willing to meet you in my hotel room."
He can call you stubborn, a pain, a drag, a purple elephant, whatever to try to cajole you to go past your own limit. The answer? Play the broken record.
"I am not willing to meet you in my hotel room. Keep it up, I'm also going to stop being willing to all meet for dinner."
Could take the path of least stress for YOU.

If he actually did things like that, he'd be bullying to get his way. But don't let him derail the conversation so you have to "prove" how so not purple elephant you are by going against your own willingness. You have nothing to prove to an ex. You know you aren't really elephant.

You are in charge of you and what you are willing to do / not willing to do at this time. Could just keep stating your willingness like a broken record. And if you know yourself and you know you are weak around smooth talkin' smoothies -- just withdraw your willingness to even meet for the dinner. You are not ready/healed enough yet to go there at this time if it is causing you this much mental/emotional stress.

Could keep it all business this trip this time. Could be something else next time. Who knows? Just take it one trip time at a time here.

You are responsible for you and keeping yourself out of optional stress. This is optional stress -- not like stress that just comes with your job. You don't HAVE to be doing bonus after work stuff with him. It's not mandatory. You don't have to be doing anything you are not willing to do. Could set and obey your own limit.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-09-2013 at 11:50 PM.
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Old 07-09-2013, 11:50 PM
Delphinius Delphinius is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Great Northwet
Posts: 36

This will probably come off harsh as I'm in a foul mood (different story, different day).

If I recall correctly the break up was mostly about this same guy not fighting for you & letting his wife call all the shots, interrupt your rare, shared time together and other rules/demands.

This guy doesn't deserve you!

I get it, different relationships have different rules, set ups, structures whatever! If it works, great. But when the rules hurt others and can't be renegotiated???

If he's that kind of man in that kind of relationship with that kind of person than truly YOU DO NOT WANT HIM.

It sucks if he was really awesome at sexy times &/or made you feel loved & special at times.... Wear your ugly underwear, something professional & not sexy... I don't know. Just remember how you deserve someone who's their own person and if they're in a relationship, in a secure enough relationship to deserve the wonder that is you

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Old 07-10-2013, 01:24 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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You know, you can write out the word "ass" here. It's not even a curse word, really, but we don't have any rules here about not cursing. FYI.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 07-10-2013, 01:33 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640

Well you can't CALL someone an ass, but you can refer to their butt-cheeks as a three-letter word.
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:53 PM
westVan westVan is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Default Thanks

Granny Panties it is ,
Thanks everyone just what I needed.
I have come to a point where I know when I'm not strong enough.
If I do have to do a dinner, it will be with everyone in the company not just him and his wife.
But I'm thinking of taking my BFF and doing some tourist stuff (museums - galleries) while there so I keep busy.
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