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  #541  
Old 07-10-2013, 06:46 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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This article still blows me.

Seven years later, and this article still grates on my nerves. My style of parenting may not suit every one, but God, I am glad I am not like this walking womb, who proudly professed that her children "bored" her. Her children knew that she would never take them to a park, spend quality time with them, or do any mothering because it basically annoyed her. Another cosigner to her way of thinking said the nannies raised her children, and she was fine with that. This lady admitted to working a hell of a lot to avoid being at home and taking care of her children. The thought of it stressed her out more than work. Some people should not be allowed to have children. That is not the worst part of it. She often begged their nanny to stay a little longer and read bedtime stories to her children because it was mind-numbingly boring to her. She could not find 10 minutes of time to read her child's favourite story. I find that utterly repulsive. I find myself wondering why in the hell did she have children to begin with? This lady is selfish, and I remember watching the interviews after this article came out. Her son was defending her self-centred parenting, and he admitted that it made him upset.

Never will I ever feel like the writer of that article. Is motherhood always exciting? No, but it is rewarding. Is it tiresome and draining? Yes times two. Parenting is not some picture perfect hobby. This is why people should not have designer babies and treat them like accessories. Are my children the centre of my universe? No. I am not trying to raise narcissists. I want to teach my children that is okay to have a family and maintain interests outside of the home. I want them to know that I value every bit of time spent with them will be worth it to me. I want them to know that they do not have to lose themselves in their roles as a mother/father/spouse/significant other.

I am home with my children right now, and day three has not been terrible. I have to shift my thinking if I am going to stay at home for the next couple of months. I am giving it serious consideration, but I have doubts. They are both down for their afternoon naps. They should be waking up shortly. I have been looking at my watch every few minutes. I just feel like I am serving no purpose if I am just sitting at home. Will that feeling ever go away?

The good news is I have been more engaged with her. She helped me prepare lunch. We watched Clifford: The Big Red Dog, Mickey Mouse Club (hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog--yes, she had me singing the song), and Dora the [Annoying Ass] Explorer. After that, it was enough telly time. She wanted me to read with her and help her with writing her name some more. She has a pretty good grasp on it. Fortunately, she has an easy first name. The last names are the tricky part.

I have found quite a few activities to do with her. I decided we are going to have theme based activities. I am working on plans for each week to insure that she and I get bonding time in. She loves music and loves to sing and dance, so I am incorporating those into the plans. She loves arts and crafts, so we are going to make something every week. I want to do mini lessons with her every day. Since we are a faith based home, we came up with a fingerplay based activity for her to do before saying grace. Just something really cute and simple for her to remember. She did it before she ate lunch. She asked me, "Can you do it with me, mummy?" We want to get her in to the habit of praying before meals and before bedtime again. We are slowly getting back on track. DH was never off the track, though. I am still finding my religious footing after abandoning the church for five years, so it will continue to be a learning experience.

Regarding poly...I disagree with the statement that I am/was terrible at it. The two people in my life were never going to get along or mix again. He does not want to hear her name, see her face, or anything else. He only agreed to counselling with her to resolve any issues before burying that chapter. I made plenty of mistakes and very selfish choices. I am human. Sue me. *shrug* I have taken responsibility for what I did, and I am taking steps to make amends. If I was terrible at it, I would still be in the relationship with Si, playing Russian Roulette with my marriage, and still being the borderline psychologically abusive wife I was to my DH. It was unhealthy, and the recent dynamic has been equally unhealthy. It was never going to be a peaceful union again, and it has nothing to do with controlling me or telling me how to live. At no point did he ever tell me to stop loving her. He never told me to stop seeing her. He told me to keep her away from him and our children because he does not trust her or particularly care for her. DH has every right to say who he does or does not want around him or around our children. Once someone has proven that they cannot be trusted, a parent has every right to protect their children. He told me that I needed to stop putting her before our children. Nothing mean there. It is the truth. Last weekend should have never happened, and I apologised to my children for it. I am not perfect by any stretch. There is no sense in rehashing what I could have, should have, and would have done back then. It is 10th July 2013. I cannot focus on what I should have said, did, or how I was supposed to act on 10th July 2009. All I can do is worry about how to be and do better in the future. Hindsight is insight. I am learning the lessons now, paying the rising costs, and being realistic about it. Functional poly with those two is not my reality. I have accepted it, and I have come to terms with it.

Instead of lamenting over what will never be now or what I may or may not miss in the future, I have taken the approach of embracing what I have and realising that I am blessed to have everything I do have.

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 07-10-2013 at 06:49 AM.
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  #542  
Old 07-10-2013, 04:36 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
They should be waking up shortly. I have been looking at my watch every few minutes. I just feel like I am serving no purpose if I am just sitting at home. Will that feeling ever go away?
YES! As you get more "acclimatized" to your new surroundings and lifestyle, etc, it won't seem so unfamiliar and you will find things to fill that time with. When my MIL comes to visit, she tends to cooks, cleans and does laundry, so when I get home from work, I feel like a fish out of water, because my brain has a hard time shifting gears when I realize there is nothing left for me to do. Not enough time, nor appropriate, to start a new project, but nothing left from my normal routine to do.
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  #543  
Old 07-11-2013, 06:42 PM
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I'm glad you are having more fun with your daughter. It's also great that you are finding things she likes that you like, or at least can stand. Don't worry about the kids shows, there are some I still can't stand and others I dont' get why the kids never liked!

Something that works for me, take it as you may, is just getting the kids involved in what I'm doing! Believe it or not, the kids are pretty easy going and like trying new things. (to the point of me now having to hide some things if I want to enjoy them alone!) When I have to do chores, I like to be motivated so I ask if they will help and put on my music. (The stuff without inappropriate stuff, though now that they are older Drag Queen music is fine!) I dance with them in between stuff. Even if now they are older and give me annoyed looks, they still twirl when I grab them!

She's young and of course they aren't adults, but kids learn to behave around others by being around others and not having everything be down to their level! So do things you like too and just invite her to try it with you! (Meditation even worked, though I found kids do NOT stay perfectly silent during a twenty minute session! They try and they like trying and the yoga positions.) It's all about doing things together, try new things!
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  #544  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:27 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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The one show I cannot tolerate at all is Barney. I hate that purple dinosaur. He will forever be the most annoying character ever. Dora and Diego are right up there on the list. She likes the Teletubbies. (Scream worthy but still better than Barney. I do not know what it is about them. I thought that when the show went off people would forget about them. No such look.) She will watch the DVDs and sit there quietly. She was walking around saying, "Eh oh," and "Tubby custard," yesterday. It made our day interesting and funny.

She is interested in so many things. Fortunately some of our interests cross, so it is slowly getting better. Like when we attended the tea the other morning. I love tea, and she loves Disney, so it worked out. It was a Peter Pan/Tinkerbell theme. Super cute and well thought out. It was complete with edible glitter cupcakes, Seven Fairies blooming tea (more for the adults than children; she got a kick out of it), fairy floss, something called fairy bread (found a few recipes; making some today), etc. Next week's theme is Barbie, so I am going to make sure I take her. I am thinking about creating our own special tea every weekend. I am sure I can come up with something like that once a week. It would be a happy-medium to her love of tea parties and my love of tea.

I have found a way to incorporate some of my interests with bonding time with her. Mummy-n-me yoga and meditation is one. We went to a yoga and meditation class yesterday evening. She did really well. She said she enjoyed it, so we are signed up to do it. It is just an hour a week, but it is one more hour than we had before. The meditation will aid in keeping me in the moment when I am spending time with her and doing something I have no real interest in. I was envisioning my child's happiness and delight at doing something she likes with me.

I am having to get creative and be willing to try new things. It is easier with my son. As long as he has been fed and is getting attention, he is a ray of sunshine. He is a happy baby. I guess staying at home for this short time will not be terrible. I just have to get used to the idea and have an outlet a few times a week. I do not want to lose my identity and just become their mum, the lady who is doing the carpool, or Matt's wife. I have to remember to keep pursuing my interests, taking care of myself, and find joy in my new normal.

And on the poly front...just when I thought all was said and done, I found out that it not quite that simple. Si is not happy with the way things ended, and she has voiced it. I know what I said blindsided her, and she probably needed a few days to process it and figure out what to say to me. I am on the fence about whether or not to respond to her e-mail or to even mention it to DH. Would this fall under full disclosure? I do not want it to seem like I made a scene and told him that all contact between us was done and then tell him, "Oh, but I am still sort of communicating with her via e-mail." With rebuilding trust, consistency is a must to prove you are trustworthy and to eliminate confusion and backtracking. "I did this on Tuesday, but on Friday, I revealed I was continuing to do this. On Wednesday, I truly meant what I said on Tuesday, but by Thursday, I had unofficially changed what I said I truly meant."

He has not said anything about her or my recent decisions. He is still indifferent. I was not expecting a long drawn out conversation or analysis, but it would be nice to know what he is thinking, how he really feels about it, or if he is wondering what this means for him/us now? I cannot get an accurate read on him. I am sure it will be discussed in tonight's session, though.
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  #545  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:40 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Gick, Barney. I'm glad we're out of that phase...

As for telling Matt? Yes. If you have to ask, you know you need to talk about it (Good lord, do I sound like my mother right there...). If you bring it up now, I hardly think receiving an upset email from Si would be held against you. If you don't? And respond back? Then yeah... that could certainly be construed as being secretive.
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  #546  
Old 07-11-2013, 08:54 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Gick, Barney. I'm glad we're out of that phase...

As for telling Matt? Yes. If you have to ask, you know you need to talk about it (Good lord, do I sound like my mother right there...). If you bring it up now, I hardly think receiving an upset email from Si would be held against you. If you don't? And respond back? Then yeah... that could certainly be construed as being secretive.
I hate Barney. He irritates my skin. Ugh. I hope neither of my children ever learn about Barney.

My mum would say the same thing. The e-mail itself would not bother him. I did not and have not initiated any contact. If I had, that would be a different story. If I do respond and "forget" to tell him, he probably would not appreciate that, as it would be construed as being secretive and not fully disclosing everything. I will mention it to him, once he wakes up.
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  #547  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:12 PM
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I do have to say that Boobah was an even worse travesty.
For what it's worth, I liked "Yo Gabba Gabba" - it reminded me a lot of the '70s stuff I grew up with.
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  #548  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:29 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Boohbah was bloody awful. For anyone who has never seen it, I would tell them to be glad. Forget time out or punishment. Make a child watch back to back epis of Boohbah.
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  #549  
Old 07-11-2013, 09:58 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Definitely tell Matt about the email. Let him decide how much detail he wants, but let him know that you got an email, but haven't responded yet, but likely will (because you know you will).

Barney - AGH! Run screaming. When they are little they will like the most annoying shows. Chowder, had me running down the hall to my bedroom, nothing inherently wrong with the show, just annoying. Then we moved onto the tweeny bopper shows, like Suite Life, iCarly, etc. YUCK! I do the happy dance when they decide it's time for a Dr. Who or Star Trek marathon. As they get older, they have gravitated more toward the shows I like.
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  #550  
Old 07-12-2013, 12:10 AM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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We're stuck on the Aussie version of Bananas in Pyjamas. I used to think grown men in banana costumes wearing matching pyjamas was creepy but now it the song. I hear the song and cringe because I KNOW it's all I'm going to hear after my 5 year old gets word of it.
On a continual loop:
bananas in pyjamas are chasing teddy bears
Bananas in pyjamas are chasing teddy bears
And so on and so forth..
I'm glad we missed the boobah stage.... We have a read along Boobah book and I can't stand it.
One show that I find I'm alright with is the Imagination Movers. Ever watched that be?
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