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Old 07-07-2013, 09:04 PM
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xotheladyxo xotheladyxo is offline
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I have been blogging for years about various topics and I have just recently started a blog about my husband and my journey through polyamory. It is about what we are learning and the steps we are taking in finding a new relationship. There isn't too much there yet, but I welcome you to take a peek and follow us through our journey.

http://www.thepolysideofthings.wordpress.com
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Old 07-08-2013, 10:06 PM
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Your blog is good and shows more about what you are thinking and doing in regards to approaching poly with your husband. I kinda wish you'd C+P each post over to here so members are more likely to read it and perhaps comment.
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Old 07-09-2013, 03:21 PM
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xotheladyxo xotheladyxo is offline
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I will start doing that. This was my most recent post:

After my husband got home from work last night I told him we needed to sit down and have a talk. I explained to him about everything I have read and been told about ďUnicorn HuntersĒ and the unlikely triad. I mentioned possible scenarios where the triad would fall apart and one or more people would end up hurt. Then I read him everything that I had been reading and explained in detail about how it made me feel. It was a lengthy discussion and it started out kind of rough.

His initial response was that he didnít want to date someone if I wasnít involved in the relationship and he didnít want me to date someone without him. Thatís what I was afraid of. I didnít get upset. I didnít yell, nor did I argue. I explained to him what was wrong with that mind set and, to my surprise, he understood. So then he asked me what I proposed we do.

I read everything to him. Everything that I had received on the forums, my blog, and things I had found online. I read about the common pitfalls of ďUnicorn HuntingĒ and how triads tend to fail. I read what other people proposed we do instead. I read about the few functional triads I had found. Everything. Then we talked some more. We talked about his jealousy and how he felt about everything I was saying and proposing to him.

Through our discussions this is what we came up with:

My husband and I are both comfortable having separate relationships. My husband is still really stuck on wanting to have a triad, but we arenít going to force that type of relationship, nor are we going to seek it out. We have agreed to both date women separately. He told me he isnít jealous of other women, but he is jealous of other men. I have agreed to only date women because that is all I am really looking for right now. I have a man, why the hell would I need another one?? lol. But I did tell him that we need to work on his jealousy because one day down the road I may want to explore a relationship with another man and I would want him to be open and comfortable with that possibility. He agreed to work on it. I asked my husband how he felt about having a relationship without me and he said he didnít feel too comfortable with it, but he was open to trying. He also said that he was completely fine with me having other relationships with women even if he later decided not to date anyone else. He isnít very tech savvy and has concerns about meeting women and I offered to help him out as much as I could.

I feel a lot better after having talked with my husband. I shouldnít have jumped to the conclusion that he was going to be against the whole idea and that was going to be the end of all of this. We definitely still have a lot more talking to do, I fell like I overwhelmed him last night so I want to make sure he is still on board with everything. I know he still wants a triad and has his heart set on finding one. I hope we find one too, but I want it to develop naturally. I feel like we are making more moves in the right direction and I hope that soon we can start exploring other relationships.
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Old 07-09-2013, 03:46 PM
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I also updated the About Us and the What Are We Looking For pages
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Old 07-10-2013, 02:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xotheladyxo View Post
. . . I fell like I overwhelmed him last night so I want to make sure he is still on board with everything. I know he still wants a triad and has his heart set on finding one. I hope we find one too, but I want it to develop naturally. I feel like we are making more moves in the right direction. . .
Just know that he may waffle and go back and forth on everything, from being enthusiastic to lukewarm to hating the idea and back to enthusiastic again. That is natural when people embark on something new. It's okay. Just give each other room to process and don't push.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xotheladyxo View Post
I hope that soon we can start exploring other relationships.
Whatever you do, don't rush into it! The talking and self-examination will help you and your husband know each other and yourselves better, and bring you even closer -- that is a great place to be! Don't let eagerness and impatience get in the way of building a very strong foundation from which to "branch out." You need to feel very secure and aware of all your hopes, fears, and dreams (large and small) before being ready for having multiple relationships.
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