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  #11  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:03 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
First off, it seems like you've seriously considered the advice given, and are getting to be okay with the situation. But there is a small red flag that went off in my head....and I hope you don't take it as attacking you.

Are you SURE it was the wife that ended this? I only say that because it seems you never met her, nor talked to her. There is the possibility that he used her as an excuse. If so, I just want to ask...I know it can be very fun to fall in love right away, I've done it, too, and it's fun And, hey, yeah, after two weeks, it's not like we're going to build a life together, kids, white picket fence, but it doesn't hurt to fantasize, right?

My only thing is, did you tell him about that stuff? Because if so, there's a small chance that scared him off. As much as I love fantasizing myself, if a new partner told me that kind of thing after a week, I'd probably bolt.

Again, I'm not saying I think you did, and you probably didn't.
I was totally going to say the very same thing but I didn't want another warning for trolling.
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  #12  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:03 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
First off, it seems like you've seriously considered the advice given, and are getting to be okay with the situation. But there is a small red flag that went off in my head....and I hope you don't take it as attacking you.

Are you SURE it was the wife that ended this? I only say that because it seems you never met her, nor talked to her. There is the possibility that he used her as an excuse. If so, I just want to ask...I know it can be very fun to fall in love right away, I've done it, too, and it's fun And, hey, yeah, after two weeks, it's not like we're going to build a life together, kids, white picket fence, but it doesn't hurt to fantasize, right?

My only thing is, did you tell him about that stuff? Because if so, there's a small chance that scared him off. As much as I love fantasizing myself, if a new partner told me that kind of thing after a week, I'd probably bolt.

Again, I'm not saying I think you did, and you probably didn't.
I was JUST going to say the exact same thing.

I also reported the name-calling to the administrator. Just because you don't like being told to take a bath in ice water does not mean you get to call people "tools". Admin, does that remind you of anyone else we know?
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  #13  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:07 PM
erkabu erkabu is offline
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Hi, Flowerchild. Good questions.

I definitely didn't tell him anything about the crazyland stuff I was imagining. Agree that that would make most people run for the hills. They were just what-if's, best-case scenario fantasies that I knew were unlikely.

He was actually much more open about being really excited about me which I think is one reason I fell so hard. Most guys are socially conditioned to try to hide their emotions (in my experience), but he was so open.

I'm sure it was his wife. He was sooo upset when he told me last night, and no one is that good of an actor. I really feel for him. He has no power or control in his life, but doesn't want to divorce and do that to his kids. Think he needs to find his balls and regain some power in his life.

Last edited by erkabu; 07-09-2013 at 05:32 PM. Reason: clarification to avoid more trolling from boring guy
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by erkabu View Post

boringguy - you are a tool. I saw elsewhere that you said you had no use for this forum anymore, so why are you still here?
Hey, sweetie, you're new here. Just a headsup, it's against the rule to call people names here: tool, jerk, asshole, etc.

I'll let BG tell you why he's here. I don't think he meant he should no longer be. It's just his weird warped sense of humor.

Quote:
Magdlyn - thanks for sharing. I like your quote about fools and cads. Sigh. Met a few of those in the past few years.
You're welcome! Dating is hard! Never settle for less than you deserve though.
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  #15  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:13 PM
erkabu erkabu is offline
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Someone PM'd me asking for this link so thought I would share. This is the checklist I was referencing that I was going to discuss with him the next time we met to clarify what his "rules" were for the relationship.

http://solopoly.net/2013/04/11/due-d...nvenient-card/

Magdlyn - thanks for the heads up. I forgot the first rule of internet commentary - never feed the trolls.
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  #16  
Old 07-09-2013, 04:56 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Originally Posted by erkabu View Post
I met the greatest guy ever from OKCupid about a week and half ago and somehow let myself really fall for him even though I found out that he was in an open marriage (not normally my thing). After we talked, I realized he was probably poly and so I've been devouring everything about poly online this past week.
I also just want to say, just because he's in an open marriage doesn't mean he is poly, as you can tell from what's happened, each person's open relationship can be very different, so talking about the specifics, including stuff like those "secondaries" questions and how they handle it when their partners fall for somebody else is very important. In this case a question about how they handle NRE might be important, I get the sense perhaps he might have been carried away and acting like an ass to get that reaction from his wife.

I'll also say that if you date somebody seriously committed to somebody else, it's smart to find out how their partner defines their open relationship too, as often enough two people in a couple can have very different viewpoints. Example - wife DOES define herself as poly and would be happy if he fell in love with you and be glad to be your friend, but he might define himself as open and like dating/sex but reflexively shudder at the idea of having a *future* and tends not to like his partners socializing together although he's romantic and affectionate one on one. Getting all that information ASAP lets you make a decision about if it's a good fit for you, since there are so many varied combinations and complications when there are established partnerships.

Sounds like if you decide to date other people who are non monogamous you'll be asking this stuff right away and be better prepared though.
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 07-09-2013 at 05:00 PM.
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  #17  
Old 07-09-2013, 06:14 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Hey, sweetie, you're new here. Just a headsup, it's against the rule to call people names here: tool, jerk, asshole, etc.

I'll let BG tell you why he's here. I don't think he meant he should no longer be. It's just his weird warped sense of humor.



You're welcome! Dating is hard! Never settle for less than you deserve though.


I'm not going to hijack this and make it all about me. It is obvious that the OP read my breaking up thread when it first appeared. They can go read the rest of it if they really want that answer. Something tells me it was probably a rhetorical question though.

But seriously, OP. you are acting like a 14 year old girl who thought she'd never get asked on a date, and when she finally does get asked, can't believe the guy doesn't want to commit to marrying her and having babies and riding off into the sunset. I'm telling you to wake up and smell the garbage truck.

And for me, that WAS gentle. You have not SEEN brutal.
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  #18  
Old 07-09-2013, 06:20 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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@boring guy, ive seen else where that some people get offended by you. So far, I find you amusing (i mean that as a compliment) on my own posts included. Carry on sir
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  #19  
Old 07-09-2013, 06:43 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
@boring guy, ive seen else where that some people get offended by you. So far, I find you amusing (i mean that as a compliment) on my own posts included. Carry on sir
Yeah well clearly i have that polarizing persona going on. We can talk about me on my profile wall or in one of the threads i started. I don't care if people say unflattering things to me or about me in those.

It's just like real life. Some people like you, some don't. What is wrong however is to go around being something you're not in order to get people to like you.
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  #20  
Old 07-09-2013, 06:56 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Originally Posted by erkabu View Post
Boringguy - I find your post rude and unhelpful. You seem to be trolling and just trying to get a rise out of me
Don't take it personally, BG is very egalitarian when it comes to dispersing his idiosyncratic brand of feedback. He just didn't get the polite and subtle subroutine when they were handing out communication software

But I've noticed that he generally has valid points, so it might be worth having a read even if his presentation rubs you the wrong way. I mean, 10 days is a rather short period of time to start making plans even when NRE is running full blast...
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