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Old 07-03-2013, 01:08 PM
Elements Elements is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Default Lack of communication

My secondary barely talks to me. He has been ignoring my attempts at communication. How do we get past this? I see him once a week. The 6 day I dont see him, he barely talks to me. i have brought it up.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:14 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Maybe he doesn't like you anymore.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:15 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Not everyone likes or needs to be in touch every day - that would feel oppressive to me. Do you think he's supposed to change what is comfy for him, because you have expectations or insecurities? Let it go, or he will feel pressured. Why isn't one or two communications between seeing each other enough for you?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Old 07-03-2013, 02:33 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Elements View Post
How do we get past this?
Is this the royal "we" or are you including your partner in this change you want to put into play? You only get to change you; your partner will do as they want.

When you brought it up what did he say was the reason?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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Old 07-07-2013, 01:47 AM
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polyAnna317 polyAnna317 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 10

I would agree with the prior reply...not everyone likes to talk everyday or needs communication with their partners everyday.

MY partner J doesnt need constant communication as he knows I am here for him if/when he needs me. However my partner K likes daily texts and conversations on the phone. So I cater to both accordingly.

Have you tried talking and/or bringing up your concerns?
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Old 07-07-2013, 03:22 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,817

I agree not everyone needs daily contact.

But another view is if you view him as a secondary why would he make communicating with you a priority?
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 07-09-2013, 12:20 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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That is actually a question on ok cupid. How often do you require your partner communicate with you? I don't like the word require, but like the OP, I do prefer at least a few mins of IMing with my bf (who doesnt live with me) every day. And he likes it too. My live in gf and I talk a lot every day!

If you feel loved when you do get together, maybe you can get used to his lack of electronic communication. Is it a deal breaker for you though? To feel loved you need more than the one date a week?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Kahlo (my ex, 46)
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Old 07-09-2013, 01:02 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 364

see my thread "do i want too much conversation?" sorry i dont know how to link. good answers on there
keep on keeping on
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