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Old 07-09-2013, 04:21 AM
erkabu erkabu is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Austin
Posts: 6
Unhappy New and so sad

Hi, everyone. First post here, so be gentle.

I met the greatest guy ever from OKCupid about a week and half ago and somehow let myself really fall for him even though I found out that he was in an open marriage (not normally my thing). After we talked, I realized he was probably poly and so I've been devouring everything about poly online this past week.

I'm a very open-minded, optimistic, and loving person and I started getting really excited about this lifestyle and the possibility of also being friends with his wife, hanging out with all of our kids together, etc. Being one big, happy family with lots of love for everyone to go around.

This guy and I have so much in common and we clicked in a way that I haven't felt in over 10 years. I've been hurt a lot and have a pretty thick shell, but in just two dates I already could see and feel such a wonderful future for us.

Anyway, he just called me and told me his wife noticed that he was really happy and so she vetoed our relationship. We hadn't even talked about the rules of our relationship yet because when we last met I didn't even know anything about the poly lifestyle. I found this great card online that had questions for secondaries to ask to clarify where they stand before they get sucked into a bad situation. Too late...

He said that she has been having problems with her boyfriend and so can't deal with him being happy. She's threatened by me because I'm not his usual type and she can see him so happy since we met. I don't think that he's able to convince her to change her mind. It sounds like he does whatever she says (which would have doomed our relationship anyway, but still what a way to find out).

So I've been crying (which almost never happens -- as I mentioned hard shell) and feeling so sad. I've been reading lots of threads on this forum over the past week and thought maybe some of you could send me some good thoughts and sympathy. This isn't exactly something that I can talk about with anyone I know.
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