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  #11  
Old 06-24-2009, 07:13 AM
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Have you come across http://www.uk-poly.net/ yet? It's still a bit slow to get going, but at least it's UK-based.

I suppose that the flipside of what I wrote above is that many people have had their heart's fingers burned in relationships by people who leave them for someone else (or they've seen it happen to others) so it's not surprising if folk are wary of the authenticity of "no, I can love you AND person x equally". Perhaps as time goes by and there are more role models out there for successful poly relationships, people will be more willing to trust that it's just as likely to work as the monamory option (which has a crap track record but a huge propaganda engine in its corner) .
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  #12  
Old 06-24-2009, 07:32 AM
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Default Thanks for the web site

I'll give it a try and see what develops !

I agree with the bad press that polyamory tends to get, and I guess if you "dare" to be different, then you carry that baggage too !

But communications within the "primary" relationship at least mean that's stable a remains loving, and after that it's no better or worse than a traditional relationship model - if you want it to work and put the time and effort into it, it will do !!
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  #13  
Old 06-24-2009, 07:41 AM
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Perhaps also: the relationship's only as good as its participants are able to believe it can be. The bigger people's imagination (and I mean something much different from 'fantasy' here) the more amazing the relationships. I had a relationship break up partly because my partner found it threatening and therefore 'offensive' that I had intense, intimate (and I don't mean physically) friendships with a number of people, some going back 35 years. My following partner found that beautiful, as I did in her. Jealousy is optional (with some effort ).
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  #14  
Old 06-24-2009, 07:50 AM
Cubafan Cubafan is offline
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Default Yoxi - I have a question for you

Have you always been a polyamory person? Is this something you knew inside, or something you gravitated towards over a period of time ?

I agree with the jealousy issue - it sometimes rears it's head no matter how hard you work, but we have found that when it does, if you are honest about how you are feeling, it tends to be dealt with constructively !

We have both felt that as our relationship is the primary one, if we put the right level of love and effort into it, it has the same liklihood of success, or maybe more due to the extra focus it gets, than a more traditional one !

It's not always easy, but the good far outweighs the less good, and the personal growth it brings as individuals and as a couple is immense - it make you realise how many years you have been asleep for !!
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  #15  
Old 06-24-2009, 07:57 AM
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Strange to say - I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, but I realised earlier this year that I've been (literally) dreaming about it since I was 10. So I've just been reading, chatting, smelling the air, mulling it over. Because of my 'emotional promiscuity' (all my intense friendships over the years) it just seems natural to me to love as many people as you love at the time, and for others to be doing the same. I don't feel the 'need' to be in a relationship that's polyamorous, so I'm not specifically hunting for one - but if that's what happens at any point I'd be delighted. And therefore I'd probably be happier in a relationship if it's with someone(s) who are poly-friendly. I'm quite cautious about getting involved with people sexually, so slowly is how it will happen .
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  #16  
Old 06-24-2009, 08:13 AM
Cubafan Cubafan is offline
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Smile Slowly is the best solution

I have been pondering this for a while, whilst getting familiar with how it works in my primary relationship !

Initially it was a shock to realise that my wife was kind of poly - in so far as she developped a relationship over a number of years without me knowing, so when it all came out, we spent many hours talking about it, deciding it was not an either or choice for our relationship, and then have worked hard to make this work ! She has had no issues with being able to love two people, and now I feel relatively comfortable and secure in our relationship again

This is now virtually "normalised", so after many months of thinking about it, I have begun to feel that to be able to express love to more than one, is a far more natural thing than to be in a traditional relationship and cheating ! Honesty throughout being a key difference to "cheating"

It will be interesting over the coming months to see how it develops, and with the love and support of my wife, or partner as I now think of her, what additional things this brings back into our relationship !

Isn't life just grand !! lol !!
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