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Old 07-05-2013, 05:07 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by graviton View Post
I can appreciate where you are coming from nycyndie. You identify as poly and recognize that you would sooner give up a partner than give up your identity.
Egad, no! I do not ID as poly. I am just a human being open to having multiple relationships. For me it is not an identity or orientation AT ALL - I choose it, but would be happy in a mono relationship, too, because my happiness depends on ME, not on a relationship configuration. A relationship configuration is never, ever more important than a person. I just like the idea of having a life full of love and loving people, so for now I embrace poly as a practice.

I understand everything you're saying, but you really have no idea how much venomous anger is spewing out of your posts, so I just wanted to point out to you how obvious it is that you haven't forgiven her, though you say you did. I suspect forgiveness sometimes has to come in stages or steps, but I just take issue with the parameters you set forth for taking her back - that she can't have an outside relationship but you can. Both your wife and you are autonomous beings who make your own choices, but if you want to work on our relationship and heal the marriage, I think you need to look a little more at how creepy it is to make rules like that.

You both should consider therapy, individually and together.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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