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  #51  
Old 07-05-2013, 03:26 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
For whatever reason, I can see this. I haven't minded all of your posts, but your last one was complete shit b/c you hadn't bothered to read my posts & made a huge bunch of incorrect assumptions.
I have read your posts and that is what i gleaned from them. If you want enabling and denial, there are plenty of people here who will gladly provide that, but i'm not among them.
  #52  
Old 07-05-2013, 03:29 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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Enjoy your weekend!

One more thing, I doubt that either of them intended to hurt you. I know that doesn't help much. But confused people do some really weird shit. I had to learn to listen to my gut feelings the hard way too.
Ha! You got it, they are confused, they are both nice (if misguided people, as we all can be), and I know they both feel awful that I am hurt. They are busy this weekend as am I so the distance & lack of communication is helping a lot.

I have to wonder if she agreed to this so she could keep him since she knows she can't fulfill him. I will never ever understand why 2 people with vastly differently sexual desires marry. Am I wrong? Is "love" enough? Sorry, but it isn't for me. I want an equal partner.
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Last edited by Hetaera; 07-05-2013 at 03:33 PM.
  #53  
Old 07-05-2013, 04:45 PM
london london is offline
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I have read your posts and that is what i gleaned from them. If you want enabling and denial, there are plenty of people here who will gladly provide that, but i'm not among them.
Dude, this one is a lost cause.

In one breath she says:

Quote:
I should change the title of this thread to say "He allowed his wife to end the relationship"...in the end. I only have myself to blame for my own unhappiness.
And in the next

Quote:
What boringguy said is completely untrue & pointless
Yet you are saying basically what I am saying. She went into this knowing full well what it was about.

She doesn't want to be helped. She wants to be a victim. It's easier than owning your shit.
  #54  
Old 07-05-2013, 04:53 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Default Word.

And as i iterated previously, i am very ok with that.

I am also very ok with the possibility that i AM full of shit. I am not emotionally attached to being right, at least not in this thread. (after all, i am sitting naked in vermont 90 degree weather sipping Angry Orchard (what else?) hard cider, and it's time to go make a pastrami and avocado sandwich and go search for wild mushrooms. Just had to sneak that in there, lol).
  #55  
Old 07-05-2013, 07:06 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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Dude, this one is a lost cause.

In one breath she says: And in the next

Yet you are saying basically what I am saying. She went into this knowing full well what it was about.

She doesn't want to be helped. She wants to be a victim. It's easier than owning your shit.
No, I didn't go into this knowing full well what it was about. Ever hear the phrase "hindsight is 20/20"? I'm not being a victim, neither of you bothered to read all of my posts which is why I made those comments about Boringuy. I am new to poly & am trying to figure this out. I am very sad, hurt & angry right now, this just happened this week...Am I not allowed to have any feelings? I have "owned my shit". So no one is allowed to make mistakes. Just b/c I may have been misguided or gotten carried away with NRE doesn't mean that that I'm victim or am not owning my shit. And just b/c I allowed this to happen doesn't mean that J has been great to me. I haven't written everything he's said or done to me lately, he's said some not to nice stuff even though he's admitted to hurting me. Holy shit, you are utterly lacking in compassion & I don't care what your fucking disorder is.

That goodness that London & Boringguy are in the minority or we'ds all be fucked.
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  #56  
Old 07-05-2013, 07:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
No, I didn't go into this knowing full well what it was about.
Well, now you have learned something. Don't go into a relationship without knowing what you're getting into.

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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
That goodness that London & Boringguy are in the minority or we'ds all be fucked.
We're all anonymous people on a message board, and don't really have the power to fuck anyone over unless you give it to us. Take what you value from what we say and leave the rest. I appreciate you sending me thanks for my earlier post, btw, but sometimes the harshest words contain a kernel of truth that can be useful.

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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
I actually just told him that I don't know if/when I will see him again & that I don't know if I can remain friends with him b/c of the way he's treated me . . . I asked him for more time our last night together, if he complies, I will probably see him, if not, I'm probably going to end it completely & not even bother with being friends . . . Lessons learned.
Seriously, if you learned any lessons from this, why would you still consider meeting up with him? Don't let an unrealistic attachment, fear of being alone, or horny dreams of hot sex get in the way of good judgment. Be proactive, find your spine, and take a stance instead of waiting for him to choose - you already know what his choice will be, anyway. And even if he does give you what you want now - wouldn't you say that is too little, too late?
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  #57  
Old 07-05-2013, 07:34 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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Well, now you have learned something. Don't go into a relationship without knowing what you're getting into.

We're all anonymous people on a message board, and don't really have the power to fuck anyone over unless you give it to us. Take what you value from what we say and leave the rest. I appreciate you sending me thanks for my earlier post, btw, but sometimes the harshest words contain a kernel of truth that can be useful.

Seriously, if you learned any lessons from this, why would you still consider meeting up with him? Don't let an unrealistic attachment, fear of being alone, or horny dreams of hot sex get in the way of good judgment. Be proactive, find your spine, and take a stance instead of waiting for him to choose - you already know what his choice will be, anyway. And even if he does give you what you want now - wouldn't you say that is too little, too late?
FYI...I told him that he won't be hearing from me for a while regardless of his answer. I found my spine already

I have other lovers so it's not like I'm totally alone. I'm just hurt.

Sorry, but London & Boringguy didn't read everything I wrote, made some grossly inaccurate assumptions & spewed a lot of BS as usual. There wasn't a kernel of truth this time, once in a while there is. They're just mad b.c I called them on their shit.
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  #58  
Old 07-05-2013, 08:52 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
FYI...I told him that he won't be hearing from me for a while regardless of his answer. I found my spine already.
Well, good. It's just that you wrote two conflicting statements and that was confusing:

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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
. . . I actually just told him that I don't know if/when I will see him again & that I don't know if I can remain friends with him b/c of the way he's treated me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
I asked him for more time our last night together, if he complies, I will probably see him, if not, I'm probably going to end it completely & not even bother with being friends.
"If he does this, I will see him, and if he does that, I won't" doesn't sound like you really took a stance at all. It sounds like he still holds power over how you conduct your life, and that you're waiting for him to make a choice before you will. <shrug> But if you won't contact him no matter what his answer is, then why even wait for an answer?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
Sorry, but London & Boringguy didn't read everything I wrote, made some grossly inaccurate assumptions & spewed a lot of BS as usual. There wasn't a kernel of truth this time, once in a while there is. They're just mad b.c I called them on their shit.
Oh, I highly doubt that either of them are mad about anything you wrote, actually.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-05-2013 at 08:54 PM.
  #59  
Old 07-05-2013, 08:56 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, I highly doubt that either of them are mad about anything you wrote, actually.
London made a specific comment on it so I think he cared.

I'm exhausted & on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not planning on seeing him anytime soon, I was planning on seeing him & recently changed my mind as I've thought this through. It's a process.
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  #60  
Old 07-05-2013, 09:09 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I'm exhausted & on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not planning on seeing him anytime soon, I was planning on seeing him & recently changed my mind as I've thought this through. It's a process.
Good. Take care of yourself and get some rest.
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