Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-04-2013, 11:34 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by yul View Post
Because she would prefer to be part of the "arrangement" but, even if she is not participating, she does want to feel comfortable and inspired by my other partner since we will all be having sex together even if indirectly.

. . . She also says she wants to make her presence known for all parties and doesn't want to be left out.
You seem to have missed the point we were trying to make.

It's absolutely fine that she would want to meet her metamour (whoever your other girlfriend would be), and perhaps develop a friendship or just a respectful acknowledgement of each other, BUT for her to HAVE A SAY in whom it will be is unreasonable!

If she is not dating that person, why should she expect to approve who it is? YOU are not SHE, and SHE is not YOU. You might be compatible and head-over-heels with someone she might not get along with - but so what? They can still be respectful and courteous to each other even if they aren't drawn to being friends, but if the woman is going to be with YOU, then YOU are the only person who needs to want to be with her.

Don't you understand? If it's not your girlfriend's relationship, she has no business directing it. It's YOUR relationship, therefore up to YOU who you get involved with and how you manage it. I can't believe you come here and complain about not being able to get a second relationship off the ground for three years and yet you can't see how you kowtow to your girlfriend's demands, basically letting her be a dictator over your life.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-04-2013 at 11:36 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 03:36 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Don't you understand?
It seems clear enough that there is a pretty big gap in the discussion. As far as I can piece together this is one of those "team dating" type situations. I think this is the nature of the lack of connection between many of the posts and the OP.

The only thing I can't figure out is if they are hunting for a unicorn for the two of them or if wifey just wants to closely supervise. Either one is going to end about the same way I imagine, I just can't tell which is going on here.

Originally Posted by yul
In no way would a secondary partner be unimportant.That would never be the case. I am very caring and affectionate regardless.
What did you mean when you said you were finding women who wanted to be "a third wheel". I took that to mean that they wanted to be in a significant relationship with you but that you weren't interested in their becoming a "partner".

How did you mean it?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 06:07 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Stealth Mod
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,424

Originally Posted by yul View Post
Anyhow, I feel like I still have work to do in finding the right person that will be willing to participate in such a setup.
It might help if you're able to clearly articulate what "such a setup" actually is. Given what you've posted so far it's possible that you're just confusing everyone you approach.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2013, 06:11 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640

It sounds like you are interviewing candidates for a job and the more you try to explain that it isn't like that, the more it does sound like that.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2013, 10:05 PM
Zenferno Zenferno is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13

Yul, I mean no offense, but I get the feeling from your sentence structure that English may not be your first language. If so that would probably explain some of the confusion here.
Late 20's bisexual, 2 years in a triad.
Reply With Quote

couple privilege, demanding partners, meeting people

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:39 PM.