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Old 06-26-2013, 04:41 AM
starmonkey starmonkey is offline
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Default Hello - this is my introduction

Hey everyone, I'm pretty new to this site - so I wanted to introduce myself.

I really appreciate the "READ THIS BEFORE POSTING: How to Write an Introduction" sticky. I am very new to polyamory - I have been a serial monogamist for years and years - My relationships always ended up with me feeling resentful frustrated and trapped. The last one was just too much, I realized it just wasn't working. I'm queer, so I have some experience bucking bucking society determining who I should love and/or screw. I decided it was time to try something different.

I met my girlfriend immediately, and she was OK with giving it a shot - more for me than her, at first. We have been together a bit under a year, and to be honest - I got hit hard with a feeling of insecurity, lost it in a bad fight - raising your voice, crying and asking her to leave kind of fight - trying to control her. It caught me off-guard; I've not really been a jealous type.

So I came here because I have been raised and programed. I think the best deprograming we have is each other.

I'm intimately involved with a long distance single monogamous female fiend, (sometimes sexual, when we can) - she was instrumental in helping me heal and see, and she will always be special to me.

My wonderful girlfriend is with me - just as new to poly as I. She is intimately involved with a really nice monogamous guy - I haven't met him yet, but I hope to, and I like him.

Aside from my long distance relationship - up to now I've only been casually screwing around with guys - and I have come to think that I have been avoiding real intimacy (for me screwing guys is easy - not much risk), and I want that to change.

I posted here the first time I just lost it to my insecurity. My intention is to learn from people here with more experience than I do. I have already gotten some great advice and helpful input.

Last edited by starmonkey; 06-26-2013 at 04:45 AM.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:45 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi starmonkey,
Welcome to our forum.

I read your other thread, and follow it with interest. I'm glad to hear the advice has been helpful so far.

Let us know of further thoughts, concerns, or questions you may have. Hope you continue to enjoy your time here.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:17 PM
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Morava Morava is offline
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We are all mostly programmed for monogamy, especially if you have a Christian background. However, read the Bible, or any books regarding ancient people and most were not monogamous, though some still chose to be. We are animals after all, but sex isn't all about procreation so where as feelings are involved...it's easier and less complicated not to just avoid them.

I am relatively new to this. Once you are in a relationship or two instinct kicks over and what feels right as opposed to the social norm of what is right will kick in. if it never feels right, then don't do it.
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Old 06-29-2013, 01:09 AM
starmonkey starmonkey is offline
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I don't have a Christian background, so I don't have that issue. Honestly it may take me a while before I am completely fine with polyamory, but the issues I fell disturbed over are feelings of insecurity and (sometimes) rejection. I don't think I can make the call until I have worked through those.
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Old 06-30-2013, 04:30 PM
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Morava Morava is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starmonkey View Post
I don't have a Christian background, so I don't have that issue. Honestly it may take me a while before I am completely fine with polyamory, but the issues I fell disturbed over are feelings of insecurity and (sometimes) rejection. I don't think I can make the call until I have worked through those.
I deal with insecurity issues myself so I feel for you. I guess my only advice would be trust in you and your partners love for each other and remember not to put your insecurities off on them. I am having a hard time with this myself, often feeling like I am not "this or that" enough. But they say I am, I feel I am and others will find something in me worth loving too.
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