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  #11  
Old 06-28-2013, 06:54 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Healiing requires space.

Even Maca and I (who are doing very well now) had to live apart for a year to work through the healing process of the damages we had done to one another previously.

If someone is continuing to spew forth venom-then the household is toxic.

Think of it like having an open wound. Would you soak it in a dirty mud puddle and expect it to heal?
Of course not.

Likewise-the wound you want to heal-your heart, your mind, your soul-needs a healthy, clean and safe environment to heal.
thank you, we spoke today and it didn't end well, he resent me because I am happy with A and he hates being around me but won't move out because he has no where to go so he says. he says I leave him to babysit for a few hours a day while or stays the night at J or goes to london for a week.

i hate my life with him here and hate myself, he says its all my fault he fell in love with j more and our relationship broke down. I am trying to be strong but its getting hard.
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  #12  
Old 06-28-2013, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I don't know how your living arrangements are (ex: a house, an apartment, etc) or how your financial picture is (ex: can you afford to carry the home on your own, own it free it clear, etc) but NOT LIVING TOGETHER would help a lot in your healing process.

Can you move?

GG
I can't move but I can look after the house alone but he can't go now he says but hates me and makes things so hard all I want to do is get out of the house and away from him wish me and the kids could get away from him
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  #13  
Old 06-28-2013, 07:35 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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He fell in love with someone else and hates you because it's your fault?
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  #14  
Old 06-28-2013, 09:35 PM
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He fell in love with someone else and hates you because it's your fault?
yes she is prefect and I am not, he explained to her she is sexy ( check) funny (check) beautiful ( check) a geek (check) a burlesque dancer ( check) good job ( I am a stay at home mum to his kids)

but I am not her..
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  #15  
Old 06-29-2013, 02:54 AM
Delphinius Delphinius is offline
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Default Eleanor Roosevelt

There's a good Eleanor Roosevelt quote that fits here. Ummm it's.....

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." NO that's not it...

"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." SHOOT that's not it either...

Wait, here it is:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Don't let him convince you it's your fault. Chances are your not faultless however I love Gala Girls: all relationships have an end, sometimes it's death, sometimes it's not!

It was just time and chances are if/when your ready you will find someone who's not so mean!! Good luck with the kids. Be strong, be better than him for the kids & don't let him hurt you any more.
~Delph
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  #16  
Old 06-29-2013, 03:36 AM
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Wait.. the... what??
This is not your fault. Don't let him press that guilt button. Ugh!
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  #17  
Old 06-29-2013, 07:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Delphinius View Post
There's a good Eleanor Roosevelt quote that fits here. Ummm it's.....

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." NO that's not it...

"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." SHOOT that's not it either...

Wait, here it is:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Don't let him convince you it's your fault. Chances are your not faultless however I love Gala Girls: all relationships have an end, sometimes it's death, sometimes it's not!

It was just time and chances are if/when your ready you will find someone who's not so mean!! Good luck with the kids. Be strong, be better than him for the kids & don't let him hurt you any more.
~Delph
thanks for your reply, the things is I have a lovely sweet amazing guy and have been with him nearly a year and he makes me so happy and feeling very loved up but G is jealous because I have something he can't have with J but the thing is I can't marry A or have children with him, he is going to amercia for a year at some point but when he gets back we will hopefully carry on ( depending on his gf) G does not have to worry about that with J I am the lucky one so he says!
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  #18  
Old 06-29-2013, 07:13 AM
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Wait.. the... what??
This is not your fault. Don't let him press that guilt button. Ugh!
he knows what to say to hurt me so right now he is just being mean and hurtful
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  #19  
Old 06-30-2013, 01:38 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Do you see where he's being unreasonable? He beats you up emotionally for NOT being someone else that HE fell in love with?

In previous posts you say he does not meet your needs and now he's STILL using you as emotional punching bag.

To me you seem to be in the process of leaving, and gathering self to detach... but not quite there yet. Where are you in the leaving process?
  • Emotionally? You seem sorrowful and in stages of grief.
  • Mentally? You are.... deciding things?
  • Spiritually you seem flat.
  • Physically you are living in the home.

One word of caution... Please be careful. You are esp vulnerable as a SAHM -- do you have your own account? Because anything held in joint he could cut you off from. It takes both to get one or the other name removed, it only takes one to go to bank and close it entirely.

Right now he's being emotionally and mentally hurtful. Don't let feeling UGH from enduring that blind you to protecting your financial health.

You don't deserve to be treated poorly.

What would be the steps you'd need to take to leave this situation? Have you thought it out or need help thinking it out?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-30-2013 at 01:45 PM.
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  #20  
Old 06-30-2013, 06:59 PM
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Do you see where he's being unreasonable? He beats you up emotionally for NOT being someone else that HE fell in love with?
I do yes, if he could see J more he would, when he sees her he is gone for a day or 2 when I see A its for about a hour maybe 3 or 4 if I am lucky


Quote:
In previous posts you say he does not meet your needs and now he's STILL using you as emotional punching bag.

To me you seem to be in the process of leaving, and gathering self to detach... but not quite there yet. Where are you in the leaving process?
  • Emotionally? You seem sorrowful and in stages of grief.
  • Mentally? You are.... deciding things?
  • Spiritually you seem flat.
  • Physically you are living in the home.
I am somewhat detached from him, not sure if I love him or not as he is never nice anymore.

emotionally: I feel I am in the stages of grief, I wouldn't take him back but doesn't mean I don't miss what we had.

Mentally: I am depressed, happy with I am with A but when I am not with him I am low and lonely, before I had two amazing guys and now I have one amazing lovely sweet guy but when I am not with him he is busy with his gf and can't always see me.

Spiritually: I am flat, he and J are wearing me down, she doesn't understand what she is doing is hurting me and she isn't in the wrong, she wants to be friends with me but she can't see why I don't.

Physically: we are still living together, he sleeps downstairs but its sucks living with him, I hate him sometimes.

Quote:
One word of caution... Please be careful. You are esp vulnerable as a SAHM -- do you have your own account? Because anything held in joint he could cut you off from. It takes both to get one or the other name removed, it only takes one to go to bank and close it entirely.
I have my own money and bank account which he can't control, we had joint bank accounts last time but when we broke up and then got back together I didn't want to set it up again.

Quote:
Right now he's being emotionally and mentally hurtful. Don't let feeling UGH from enduring that blind you to protecting your financial health.
I won't, my kids come first and without food on the table and the bills being paid it won't (apart from my love, which there is a lot from me) much of a life for them

You don't deserve to be treated poorly.

Quote:
What would be the steps you'd need to take to leave this situation? Have you thought it out or need help thinking it out?

I want him out, he makes it so hard to live with him and I hate being with him, its awkward, I can't move as I am committed to the house plus its out home now
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