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  #11  
Old 06-26-2013, 09:45 AM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Maybe you should consider being sterilised London? Or put off being non-monogamous until after menopause? Or maybe only sleep with men you don't mind blending genes with?
Since accidental pregnancy by the 'right' person is so important to you?

I know single parenthood isn't for everyone but if your only criteria for continuing a pregnancy is 'which man did the deed' you might end up making some pretty big mistakes.
I have a child. I am a single parent. I'm also one of the seemingly rare females who would take the guys point of view into consideration when deciding whether to continue a pregnancy or not. Generally, my basis for assessing who would be a good Co parent has little to do with the prognosis of our romantic relationship, it's about whether I think we could successfully Co parent a child.

I also said who the father is "might be instrumental". It wouldn't be a good time for me to have a baby now, it wouldn't be the end of the world but it wouldn't be great. If I knew the guy definitely didn't ever want kids, that would make it more unlikely that I would continue the pregnancy.

I hope all women wishing to have children want to conceive with the "right" person. Who'd want to conceive with the wrong person?


I use both hormonal and barrier contraception so the chances of me getting pregnant are slim. I also wouldn't fluid bond with anyone that I know I would hate to have a baby with, or definitely didn't want children but was still able to.
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  #12  
Old 06-26-2013, 10:18 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Ah, ok, well personally I don't care whether I get a co-parent or not, in fact it has caused me more grief than just being left alone. In my cultural background not having a father involved is not such a horror so that informs my choices also.

But again, that is me. I have different priorities and prospectives single parenting an infant, I couldn't imagine having the time (or the inclination) to sleep with lots of people, I couldn't imagine having such an apathetic attitude towards STIs either, since the buck stops with me so my health is a priority.

Wouldn't it just be better not to sleep with someone who never wants kids? Why don't they get fixed if they don't?
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  #13  
Old 06-26-2013, 12:21 PM
london london is offline
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As I said,i wouldn't fluid bond with someone who doesn't want kids and I'm far from apathetic about stds. I just take a different view of it. Instead of thinking that getting one would be the worst thing in the world, I just try and get anything I can contract diagnosed as quickly as possible. That means frequent testing. Because I do slut around a bit, I test a bit more regularly than recommended. The majority of people I sleep with are also promiscuous, so a test three months ago means nothing to me. Unless it's within the last month it's pretty much irrelevant. Sex with a condom will minimise any risk.

Not having a father isn't the end of the world at all but having more people around to love you and stuff is very desirable. Fathers usually come with a family that will love their child too. I'll do my best to make sure any child I give birth to has that opportunity.
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  #14  
Old 06-26-2013, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
having more people around to love you and stuff is very desirable.
Oh indeed, I just choose a different method of achieving that....Poly has more advantages than sex!
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  #15  
Old 06-26-2013, 01:55 PM
LadySFI LadySFI is offline
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I agree with Natja on this one.

Maybe you should consider some sort of contraceptive as well as condoms with the men you are sleeping with?

My husband had a vasectomy some years ago so we did not have to worry about it until recently when he was with his gf for the first time. Now we are back to using condoms for the sake of STD's.

Also, I have only been with my bf for 3 months and he is fertile. We use condoms religiously and I have an appointment next week to get birth control (considering an IUD) because I don't want any more kids. This doesn't mean we will stop using condoms either. We will use both for STD protection as well as avoiding pregnancy.

Yes, getting the decent condoms (that don't feel like a plastic bag) are expensive, but I have always felt if you can't afford condoms you REALLY can't afford a kid.

The mentality of keeping a child based on who the father is, is a dangerous one. Take every feasible precaution.
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  #16  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:11 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I use both hormonal and barrier contraception so the chances of me getting pregnant are slim. I also wouldn't fluid bond with anyone that I know I would hate to have a baby with, or definitely didn't want children but was still able to.
^^ firstly.

Secondly, as I've said more than once, the paternity would be an influencing factor rather than a decisive one.

The people I meet tend to share my risk assessment in regards to stds. Regular tests, condoms with randoms and casuals unless you've shared results. They expect the same from the people they sleep with and/or fluid bond with and to protect myself from any consequences of having an undiagnosed sti, I get tested frequently.

Last edited by london; 06-26-2013 at 02:35 PM.
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  #17  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:21 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I have a pill kid. A nuva ring pregnancy.

November I found myself pregnant after a tubal ligation. It was a tubal pregnancy that almost killed me. I had my tubes tied 6 years prior with no problems.

My point is even permanent birth control fails. As my doctor says the human body can do some crazy things to heal.
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  #18  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:25 PM
london london is offline
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And again, the paternity of a child would be an influencing factor rather than a decisive one.
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  #19  
Old 06-26-2013, 06:54 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Hm. I think pros:
i dont have to lie about being in love with more than one person, which I already was.
I have more help and support when navigating school, work, kids, medical issues etc.
More help with household chores. Lol

Cons: communication
Dealing with assholes who think that hecause we are poly we are automatically available
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  #20  
Old 06-26-2013, 11:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theone View Post

What are the pros and cons of both a polyamorous and monogamous relationship?
My question: Why do you ask?
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