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  #11  
Old 06-26-2013, 01:54 AM
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Aha. I misunderstood your question (not that I'm the OP or anything)...

OP, it sounds like you're concerned that since most of your life is centered around being at home, that maybe you don't bring enough other interests to the table? I think Marcus' question pokes at this a little bit - if you find stuff to talk about with hubby, then you probably have these same interests to share with anyone else as well.

Honestly, what you provide to "the lifestyle" is YOU. The person you are.

(And honestly, I don't feel this is a Poly vs. Mono thing - I'm sure some single, mono parents feel the same way)
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  #12  
Old 06-26-2013, 01:55 AM
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OP has designated the no kids talk on dates because I'd imagine its all they discuss at home. It's the same way here. Crux gets home and darn near gets a play by play of the days activities, LOL.

And there's ALWAYS something to talk about. Especially if you're only reconnecting date wise on a weekly basis. Tons of shit happens in the stretch of a week!
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  #13  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malfunktions View Post
OP has designated the no kids talk on dates because I'd imagine its all they discuss at home. It's the same way here. Crux gets home and darn near gets a play by play of the days activities, LOL.
No doubt that's true. Might need something to jump start the system to get out of that line of thinking. Like, have a date night where you race go carts or some other adventure. If the OP isn't into adrenaline, maybe something which requires precision and focus like golf or pool.

If activities are not your bag then sit down together and watch the same TV program or read each other a book.

Seriously though, if not talking about the days events is the goal then you need to come up with some new events... otherwise you're just staring at each other *thinking* about the days events and not allowed to talk about them.
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  #14  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:06 AM
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You got er Pontiac.
I try to exnay going to a movie two weeks in a row for numerous reasons. Reasons like, you get shushed if you talk in movies and people really don't wanna see you guys all over each other. I speak from experience
Next week, we are going to a clay cafe in town to make something together. Whether we mould and paint two separate things or do the same one I think it'll be fun. Besides, playful banter, water, paint and paintbrushes? Sweet. Add in one not so grown up me nd you've got war.

There's creative things to do everywhere. I'd suggest hitting up the meet-up page in your area and see what everyone else on there does. It's certainly helped here!!
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  #15  
Old 06-26-2013, 02:54 AM
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I'm a SAHM too and have been in your shoes many times. The key is to find a hobby. I did a cake decorating class, have done photography workshops, and go to coffee with my friends. I joined a mommy group in my state and that helped a ton. I also decided to go back to school. My youngest will start kindergarten in two years and we're not having more...I felt I needed a career when that time comes. Good luck to you!
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  #16  
Old 06-26-2013, 04:48 AM
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Go online, meet people, arrange to go on a date, tell your husband he needs to have the kids because you have a date.
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  #17  
Old 06-26-2013, 12:28 PM
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Thank you so much for all the advice. It's nice to hear from other people who are SAHMs too.

And yes, like others said, kids can become ALL you talk about and that gets frustrating. My husband walks in the door, gets a hug and a kiss, and then a "You will not believe what SS9 and SS8 fought about today. Oh and then DS3 decided to cover himself in peanut butter and hug the dog."
Yea, it's funny for five minutes, but then.... lol

Marcus, I feel like maybe having not been in my situation, my question seemed too simplistic for you. Yes, I agree with you that whatever I discuss with my husband on dates, I could most likely transfer over to when I talk to other people. I do, after all, have friends as well.

I think what I was looking for was what I found from some other SAHMs who have "been there". Suggestions of activities, knowing that I am not limited simply because I"m not out in the work force, etc.

So this was helpful to me, even if the question may have seemed confusing.
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  #18  
Old 06-26-2013, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JadeDoor View Post
Marcus, I feel like maybe having not been in my situation, my question seemed too simplistic for you. So this was helpful to me, even if the question may have seemed confusing.
I am not a believer in the idea that someone has to have the exact experience being discussed in order to have a valid opinion. We have perfectly valid opinions about all sorts of things that we have never personally experienced.

For the record, I wasn't trying to run you down about your thread, I just couldn't identify what the point was but I was curious to find out.
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  #19  
Old 06-26-2013, 04:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I am not a believer in the idea that someone has to have the exact experience being discussed in order to have a valid opinion. We have perfectly valid opinions about all sorts of things that we have never personally experienced.

For the record, I wasn't trying to run you down about your thread, I just couldn't identify what the point was but I was curious to find out.
No worries.
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  #20  
Old 06-26-2013, 10:36 PM
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Well, I assume you are not chained inside your home with the kids just because you're a SAHM. Are you homeschooling, too? And just because you are a SAHM, and maybe even homeschooling, it does not mean you are never allowed to hire a babysitter so you can go and do something fun during the daytime where kids would not be involved, does it? Meet a girlfriend for lunch, have a spa day, visit a museum, go shopping, do a little sightseeing, take a pottery class, whatever. I wouldn't even think about polyamory and having additional relationships if you are not comfortable doing things like that for yourself. Not too many people, I don't think, would want to be someone's only escape from parenting duties. Potential partners would more likely enjoy being with a well-rounded person who has their own interests besides being a parent. Even a SAHM can spare a few hours for herself a few times a week, no?

There are play dates and classes you can take with the kids, but I would think it would be equally as important to find stuff for you to do without them that would allow you to stretch your wings and grow as a multi-hued and interesting human being, not solely a mother and wife, and to be able to carry on adult conversations with other adults. So, ask yourself what interests you, look up some local events, call a few friends, hire someone to babysit, and get out there!
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-26-2013 at 10:38 PM.
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