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Old 06-22-2013, 05:47 AM
purelyparadox23 purelyparadox23 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 10
Default I'm having two different problems with my boyfriend and my partner

I'm having a bit of an anxious summer. At the moment I am transitioning between college graduation and getting a job/my first apartment with my partner of 7 months while trying to find a way for my English boyfriend of 4 years to get a work visa in the US so he can live with us too. Complicating matters is the fact that my boyfriend is thinking about going to Australia instead (he has family there, but it would set back our efforts to get together) and my partner's mono girlfriend seems very on-and-off about my partner being poly. I've been handling things well for the most part, but this weekend my boyfriend is away on vacation with his family while my partner is visiting his girlfriend in his hometown and suddenly I have a lot of fear and insecurity bubbling up. There are two separate issues going on:
1) My boyfriend is a very in-the-moment person and sometimes I think that he enjoys having a long distance relationship with me because it's easy for him. While I know he is serious about me he hasn't put in any real effort for us to get together in the long run, partly because he's content where he is and partly because his family does all his planning for him and he expects things to be easy. He is a great companion but I get frustrated with him often because I feel like we're not on the same page. My main concern is that me living with my partner will make our long distance relationship harder to maintain. Luckily my boyfriend and my partner get along great, but I want to see an equal amount of both of them to keep things from going out of balance.
2) My partner is more emotionally supportive and on the same page as me, but I don't know about his girlfriend. I sense that their relationship got off on the wrong foot since he didn't tell her he was seeing me at first, and because of that I'm not sure if she will ever really be OK with our poly relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm the other woman, like when they post lovey-dovey things to each other on facebook for their friends to see. It makes me feel guilty and lonely, maybe a little jealous too as they seem to think of him and his girlfriend as a mono couple. She is genuinely giving it a try but her friends and family are very negative about the situation, and since I haven't met my partner's friends or family yet, I wonder if they think of me as the other woman too. When I'm with him it's like we're in our own little world, but then I see glimpses of his hometown life and friend circle on facebook and it seems like a whole different world that I'm not at all part of.
Anyways, that was a bit longer than I intended but I don't have anyone to talk to about my poly problems and I could use some feedback. Thank you in advance for your help!
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long distance, mono, other woman, poly

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