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  #31  
Old 06-21-2013, 12:09 PM
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London, you could be misunderstanding what the point has been; if I am reading correctly, Schroedingers cat was pointing out that mono and poly relationships need some "work". Not neccessary more work but you have to tend to every relationship to keep it alive and healthy in one way or another.
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  #32  
Old 06-21-2013, 02:11 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Same here (though I *am* a sex maniac, ahem), even if I have sex for hours with Ginger, I still want miss pixi too, after Ginger leaves. She's all, "Ginger didn't do his job satisfying you?" I respond, "Oh yes he did, but I still want the connection and bonding with you as well!"
oh I ahem...AM too, it just isnt the reason i need them both. well, its part of the reason. but not hte whole reason. and I havent been with either of them since Tuesday. OMG. hm..sorry. went off topic.
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  #33  
Old 06-21-2013, 02:47 PM
Wifeto2 Wifeto2 is offline
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There is a world of difference in saying "I feel insecure, so you need to stop doing what you are doing so I can work on my insecurities", and saying "I feel insecure, but that's about me and my issue to work on, but I need you to be patient with me while I'm on this journey."
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
In my experience, all relationships take a certain amount of work. The exception is the short-lived, casual, no complications type.

I've heard of a small handful of couples who have been married 30 years and never had an argument. By and large, humans have different needs and desires and it will always take work to work that out. Add more people, you're bound to add more work.
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I might start a separate thread on this, but I'm in the camp that believes that poly relationships are not inherently harder work than monogamous ones. So being poly isn't harder work than being monogamous, or shouldn't be, at least.
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Hmmm, my guess is you'd be in a minority there London, a thread on the topic is a good idea, it would be nice to see what others say.
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Originally Posted by Phy View Post
London, you could be misunderstanding what the point has been; if I am reading correctly, Schroedingers cat was pointing out that mono and poly relationships need some "work". Not neccessary more work but you have to tend to every relationship to keep it alive and healthy in one way or another.
i do believe that all relationships take work. I think being in a poly relationship is alittle more mostly because dh and I have been mono for so long and I'm not used to dealing with insecurity in our relationship.


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oh I ahem...AM too, it just isnt the reason i need them both. well, its part of the reason. but not hte whole reason. and I havent been with either of them since Tuesday. OMG. hm..sorry. went off topic.
i have them both not for sex reasons but because I didn't realize I was falling for gf until it happened. It still catches me off gaurd but I m happy and want nothing but the best for us all
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  #34  
Old 06-21-2013, 02:56 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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i have them both not for sex reasons but because I didn't realize I was falling for gf until it happened. It still catches me off gaurd but I m happy and want nothing but the best for us all[/QUOTE]

My last comment was really just aimed at the person who had responded me....but my first comment about enjoying everyone sexually was t you We are also new to poly from mono and i hope this works out for you
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  #35  
Old 06-21-2013, 03:06 PM
peabean peabean is offline
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So now that you have decided that you will work through your insecurities and allow them to have sex without you, are you also dropping the vice versa rule? I've been in a triad for awhile and it is very important for us to have couple time. Especially me and my gf, because when all 3 of us are in bed the penis tends to dominate.

I find that bonding with her is crucial, it helps eliminate the couple centric way triads tend to start out. She and I have our own sexual language, that isn't necessarily the same way we are when we are in bed with him. I find a strong bond between the same sex couple is critical for my triad to function happily.
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  #36  
Old 06-21-2013, 03:16 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by peabean View Post
Especially me and my gf, because when all 3 of us are in bed the penis tends to dominate.

I find that bonding with her is crucial, it helps eliminate the couple centric way triads tend to start out. She and I have our own sexual language, that isn't necessarily the same way we are when we are in bed with him. I find a strong bond between the same sex couple is critical for my triad to function happily.
This is excellent advice and definitely true IME.
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  #37  
Old 06-21-2013, 05:17 PM
Wifeto2 Wifeto2 is offline
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Originally Posted by peabean View Post
So now that you have decided that you will work through your insecurities and allow them to have sex without you, are you also dropping the vice versa rule? I've been in a triad for awhile and it is very important for us to have couple time. Especially me and my gf, because when all 3 of us are in bed the penis tends to dominate.

I find that bonding with her is crucial, it helps eliminate the couple centric way triads tend to start out. She and I have our own sexual language, that isn't necessarily the same way we are when we are in bed with him. I find a strong bond between the same sex couple is critical for my triad to function happily.
yes we are going to work through it. They are allowed to have sex without me and her and I are allowed. I however move ALOT slower than my husband does. We snuggle and talk all the time, but as of right now we have not done anything sexual.when the three if us are in bed, it's not just him dominating. It's whomever is getting the most attention.
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  #38  
Old 06-22-2013, 02:27 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I don't see how it's possible that poly relationships don't take more work than mono relationships.

That sounds like saying having 2 kids is no more work than having 1 kid.

I guess it also depends what you mean by "work." I'm not talking about pain and suffering or anything. I mean, mowing the lawn is "work" but that doesn't mean it's a horrible, awful thing to have to do. Now, if you were going to mow the lawn with a pair of scissors, that would be making far more work than you need to do. Perhaps that's what you're getting at with "just not worth it."
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  #39  
Old 06-22-2013, 02:35 AM
Wifeto2 Wifeto2 is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I don't see how it's possible that poly relationships don't take more work than mono relationships.

That sounds like saying having 2 kids is no more work than having 1 kid.

I guess it also depends what you mean by "work." I'm not talking about pain and suffering or anything. I mean, mowing the lawn is "work" but that doesn't mean it's a horrible, awful thing to have to do. Now, if you were going to mow the lawn with a pair of scissors, that would be making far more work than you need to do. Perhaps that's what you're getting at with "just not worth it."
i don't know who ur responding to. But I know with what I went through it can be a bit painful to let go specially coming out of the mono mindset
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  #40  
Old 06-22-2013, 03:07 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I wasn't necessarily responding to anyone specific. Rather, to anyone who believes that relationships don't take work, or that poly relationships don't take more work than mono ones. They do. Of course they do. Doing something always takes more work than not doing something; making new relationships is "doing something."

But what I'm emphasizing is that work is not equal to awful, difficult, or miserable. IMO, anyone who sees any and all work as awful is nothing short of lazy.
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