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Old 01-27-2010, 03:05 AM
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blackbirdsings blackbirdsings is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 7
Default need some encouragement.

I am completely in love with two men. One who I am married to "J" and the other one "M" who, if I was not already married, we would be running to a justice of the peace right now. I have a strong Polly dance community that I am part of but little if ever have I seen a triad out together. So my question or the conversation I would like to start is, how can this work? Is it possible to all go on vactions together, to go shopping or out to dinner. I am feeling sad that I may not be able to have some of the "normal" relationship stuff with "M" what if he wants to get married some day? Am I being selfish (he does not want to be with another person, and neither does my husband. I want to be with both of them. I want to commit in some substantive way to M. Do people keep physically separated when out in public. How do you show affection. I have a very affectionate nature and am always hugging and being close with my friends and family, but with two men how would that look in public? I hope I am posting this to the right section and any conversation that could help me with this query would be most welcome.

Last edited by blackbirdsings; 01-27-2010 at 03:11 AM.
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Old 01-27-2010, 04:13 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I live with my husband and boyfriend. We've lived together for nearly 7 years. (bf clarified that this weekend).
We've been poly since September 25th of '09.
We go out ALL of the time. We take the kids out-we go on vacation, we go to the movies.
In fact we went to see Avatar 3D recently.
Hubby had his hand on my left thigh and bf had his hand on my right knee (he's more shy, hubby is NOT shy).

So yes-you can, you just have to decide to live YOUR life instead of pretending to live someone else's.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 01-27-2010, 04:25 AM
sweetie sweetie is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 62

Hi and welcome to forum. You should be able to find great advice here.

Our V finds going out in public together very doable. I can't remember a time we didn't go out in public together. We have gone on weekend adventures, vacation, shopping, dinner. We have attended weddings, funerals, and births.

We are who we are, and we love who we love. We don't really care what anyone thinks when we're all together. We have dealt with stares, pointing, and whispers. We have dealt with people who have been curious, and have asked questions, and still others who really don't give a damn. The stares and whispers we ignore. The questions we answer with honesty, and the ones who don't care become friends. Somehow it all works out in the end.

I guess you just have to ask yourself do you care what anyone else thinks?
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Old 01-27-2010, 08:07 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Blackbird,
Absolutely right place/right time
As other have noted, yes, most of us do absolutely go places and do things as a "family". In an ideal world it wouldn't even be a question ! There can be complicating factors in some cases - such as when there are children involved and the repercussions that might be associated there - but there's creative ways to slide by the societal police even in most of those cases
If you have all of you being that close in real life you have much to be envied so by all means share any bonding times you possibly can !


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Old 01-27-2010, 08:44 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

When I started writing on the forums back in April 2009 there was much talk about this topic. You might want to check back to that time if you find you want more on this.

I echo what others have said on here but wanted to add my own opinion that, like everything else with poly, take your time, talk about boundaries and don't have expectations, always ask first until it comes naturally.

When it feels right to everyone, it is right. It sounds like you have some distance to go with the two men you are interested in first. Take the time to do it all right and it will be so natural and worth every moment of work you put in as far as I am concerned.

Enjoy and good luck.
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commitment, love, public affection

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