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Old 06-21-2013, 06:25 PM
starmonkey starmonkey is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 26
Default I screwed up and tried to control someone

OK - I have been in a polyamorous relationship for under a year now, and I could really use some help from those who have been doing this longer.
I screwed up. My partner has been casually seeing someone for a few weeks, and asked him if he wanted to be be her secondary. He declined, saying he wanted to have a monogamous relationship - he couldn't handle me in the picture.
Now it gets fun.
So my partner then sinks into a depression. I am trying to console her pretty much all night and into the morning. I want to blame it on lack of sleep, or heavy emotional content, but the fact is I found out in the early morning that she slept with him again after he declined her offer, and couldn't handle it. We got into the worst argument we have ever been in. I asked her if she was done sleeping with him several times, and she would answer with, maybe or probably - I wanted to hear that she was done.
I feel incredibly insecure, somewhat jealous, and I feel betrayed. I can't shake the thought that once someone tells you they want you exclusively, continuing to sleep with them afterwards isn't cool - I'm not ok with my partner being with someone who isn't OK with me. It is still hurting me that she isn't 100% done with him.
Some of this might also be due to my focusing too much on her. Right now the only other woman I've been seeing is across the country, so I only see her 2 or 3 times a year, and we haven't had sex in about 7 months. I've gone on a few dates with guys, but nothing ever got past the first one.
I welcome any input. This is my first poly relationship, and I've been really OK until now. I've already apologized for my behavior this morning (I am really tired), but I really need some pointers on how to deal with this.
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