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Old 06-20-2013, 11:13 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,744

My Boyfriend has no children ...

But he is allowed to correct my children as if they were his own.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:34 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
For Example, I was watching their child and she got water and was pouring it in a box. I grabbed the box and water cleaned up the mess and told her to leave the water alone. Yet I get told I am being too rough. WTH? Am I beating her? No I was making an excutive decision because I was not want to have a huge mess to clean up.
Yah, you should definitely have words with the mother. Sounds like she wants you to treat her kids in a particular way and that is OUTRAGEOUS!

Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
So I have a question. What do you do when everytime you are asked to watch or look after your partners child and they come in and say you are being a bit rough.
So, while watching this persons kid you do something that they consider "a bit rough". And this is EVERY TIME you watch this persons kid? Something somewhere has gone terribly wrong... you do see that, right?

Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
She doesn't listen to a thing I say and they wonder Why I am irritated.
Who are we talking about? The mother or the kid?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:53 PM
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nancyfore nancyfore is offline
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Location: CA
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Start telling them "NO" "I will not watch your child"....
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Old 06-21-2013, 12:14 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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You let someone else watch their child, or stop watching their child, if you can't agree on a philosophy.
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Old 06-21-2013, 01:30 AM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Posts: 306

Okay it sounds like you want strangers on the internet to tell you that you are a good babysitter, caregiver and this person the parent of the child, is over reacting and should respect the way you discipline the child.

Here's my question. What difference does that make if we do? Are you going to show this thread to them and say, "See?! You're over reacting! Now you should just believe me!"

How about instead, you, I don't know, talk to THEM? Tell them that you aren't going to watch THEIR child, no matter how much you care about them, if there are such large disagreements about what is and isn't acceptable? Whether we believe you or not or tell you that they are allowed to tell you not to discipline their child that way and you need to just accept that and do things the like or not doesn't really matter. Does it?
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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Old 06-21-2013, 01:34 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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My house rule is-any kids in my home are expected to follow my rules, parents should be warned in advance, if your kids aren't trained to follow my rules, that is YOUR problem-they will not be given leeway.

That doesn't even mean LIVING in my home. Visitors have the same rules. Parents are responsible for finding out my rules and expectations for children in my home AND ensuring that their children follow them or consequences will be handed out. Period.

I don't babysit ANYONE's children who don't give me full authority to act as I see fit in regards to ANY situation that arises with the child while in my care. Period.

I do babysit.
In fact, there are two girls (now ages 12, 9) who I have watched frequently since they were babies. One is allergic to peanuts. She is also bipolar and ADD. She struggles in MANY atmosphere's because of not understanding rules (which are different than the ones she has at home), attention span and issues with anger management.
However, she is in my home regularly and I have NO problems with her. Primarily because, I educated myself about her needs and her realities. It's UNREASONABLE to expect her to not get distracted when being spoken to, in a room with other things going on. SO, I ask her to come talk to me alone if I need her to pay attention to something I am going to say. It is unreasonable to expect her to manage her emotions the way a "normal" child her age would. So I don't allow her into scenarios with other children that are beyond what SHE IS CAPABLE of managing-regardless of "age appropriate norms".

I also watch my grandson. He's 2. He is expected to follow my rules-which do differ somewhat from his home. Again-not difficult for him to do-with age appropriate reminders such as "LP, we do not do xyz in Grammy's house" and "LP, at Grammy's house balls are yard toys, not in the house toys".

If you can't mesh with your partners expectations or vice versa for the care of their child-don't watch their child. It's better for the child, better for you and better for them as well.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 06-21-2013, 05:42 AM
london london is offline
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Location: UK - land of the free
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If you don't think this user is genuine, surely you have better things to do than follow her around trying to derail her threads.
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Old 06-21-2013, 06:02 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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Posts: 38


I was simply asking a question as to see if other people had ever had the same experience. I have been sick as a dog all day yet they needed me to watch her while they needed to talk so I said ok. It was just a question lighten up dude
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Old 06-21-2013, 11:22 AM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45

I treat my partners children as if they are my own and my partner can do the same. We have seven kids all together and run a tight ship. We talk about what we want for the children and how to meet everyone's needs.

All you can do is talk with your partners about what they want from you when you watch their kids. Are you a partner in parenting or just a babysitter? Kids can put a lot of strain on relationships. It's important to communicate.
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Old 08-07-2013, 09:36 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Location: North Idaho
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Default Children & polyamory

My husband and I are newbies & currently not in any form of a poly relationship yet. We've been doing our research, discussing his jealousy & envy issues, falling in love again but realizing we both can love another just as passionately.

We know at some point we will most likely want to co-habitate with a partner. Aside from coming out to our outside families (an area still to be researched) we are unsure of how to tell our children (15F, 7M & 2F). The oldest has watched Big Love & was quite facsinated. She's my concern since the younger two are not set in teenage opinions of right & wrong.

If any of you have children (whether grown up or not) how did you bring your choice to be polyamorous into a discussion with them & how did the transition of having a third afult in the home go, was it peachy keen or a battlefield?

Last edited by nycindie; 08-07-2013 at 10:54 PM. Reason: moved
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